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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 229
Latest Activity: Oct 1

Discussion Forum

First post - Aloha

Started by bellgamin. Last reply by Cee Sep 26. 4 Replies

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She…Continue

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by DIVA70 Aug 25. 7 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Summergirl Feb 28. 6 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

Joining the Club that no one wants to belong to...

Started by EarthSpirit (Carol). Last reply by EarthSpirit (Carol) Feb 27. 5 Replies

I am new to Soaring Spirits and this particular group. I find myself here as a result of my beloved husband Ralph’s passing on October 5, 2017. It seems like a lifetime ago, although only 4 months.…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by owlbert on July 16, 2011 at 3:33pm
The second anniversary of Maggies' death is on the 18th August and although I have "dropped" into a new way of life without her, ....with her it would have been a million times better.... the memories still hit me.... and I am "happy/ sad" when they do Anyway three months ago I bought a slow cooker, I think you call them 'crocks', and it is the best thing I ever did..but.. and there's always one of them. One day set it going for the first time and went out for a long walk. On opening the front door when I got home the first thought that hit the auld brain was "Oh, Maggie's got something good for food tonight"... then reality 'hit me'. Many tears later I enjoyed a real good casserole! I still use the 'crock', and still it reminds me of Maggie when I come home but I accept the reality that she is looking after me from 'above'.....I always thought I'd of die of hunger when she 'left' me! There is a 'future' after such a catastrophy as we have gone through and I know that I found that hard to believe until a few months ago. Now I go out to a Coffee Morning and enjoy a laugh and chat with my "girlfriends" most of whom are Maggies former pals and I actually enjoy their company and the 'feeling' on being in female company again. Is that bad? No, I think that is what Maggie wanted! As she used to say, jokingly, I hope "naebody else would have you" and I'm happy with that. Nowadays I hide behind my camera, and come home to 'food parcels' hanging from the door handle ..... from Maggie's friends, now my "girlfriends"! Yes maggie did organise things for me before she left... and I'm glad she did so! Lee, and everyone, I can tell you life does get better in the most unexpected ways. Luckily for us all 'hope' is eternal!
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 1:28pm

I can only hope - knowing it will intellectually is one thing, but believing it deep down is difficult for me and so many of us. That is especially true after a bad day or week or month. I am further along than many here but today was a total washout. With nothing to do I wandered around our local farmer's market not intending to buy anything, hoping to talk to someone I knew, and then out of desperation went to - alas - the MALL. It was almost empty... but like a pathetic old widower I walked from one end to the other and back with the fantasy I'd either meet someone I knew or run into the new mystery woman drawn to me by fate. 

 

This is from my iPhone and for some reason it seems to be sideways (Independence Mall, Kingston Mass. today)

Comment by grandmafi on July 16, 2011 at 1:11pm
 Lee and Mc Duff....Life actually does creep back up on you when you are`nt looking ...... it just happens even although you are so very sure that your heart is so shattered into smithereens that it will never heal and that your depth of wound is so deep that it will never heal .... it does and it will , given time and even if you cant face the thought of that happening , or believing it , it truly does . When folks said that to me I was so sure that they simply did not understand .....  hang on in there ....... cyber hugs ...... Fi ....xx
Comment by itaintme on July 16, 2011 at 11:06am
Lee, it's truly early days for you. Glad you have your dog. Mine has been a blessing to me -- keeps me from coming home to an empty house. Camp Widow should be very helpful. One day at a time. We're all here for you, too.
Comment by leslie b on July 16, 2011 at 10:28am

So sorry, Lee. Anniversaries are tough and it has only been two months. Please believe me when I tell you that things do get better. You will never forget Madeline or stop loving her but you will be able to start taking part in life quite fully again. I wish I could be there to hold your hand but this will have to do.

I am glad you are going to Camp Widow. I wish I could but it was not to be this year. I hope it really helps you. 

Glad we are here for you though. I wish you peace.

 

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 10:18am

Two months and an anniversary of two months at that, of course you are having a horrible day... I wouldn't expect any focus this soon. I am glad you have a dog though. Mine helped me get through some very rough times and they still, after 19 months, do.

 

Sleeping a lot or the opposite, not being able to sleep, is typical. Sometimes sleep schedules get turned backwards. Few go through grief like ours with their usual sleep patterns intact.

 

All I can say having experienced intense grief like yours is that the first six months I had no other goal than making it through the day, sometimes through a meltdown that seemed like it would never end. 

Comment by Lee on July 16, 2011 at 9:24am

Today is a really bad day.  Madeline has been gone two months today and I miss her so.  I had a club meeting to day at 9 am but I didn''t go.  I just laid in bed, and I would still be there if the dog didn't need to go out.

We have a rose bush with beautiful Lavander roses and I am going to cut off a limb with a fully developed rose and buds around it.  I will bring that when I visit Madeline this morning. 

We still don't have a headstone or flower vase for her yet, that will all come in due time I guess.

I sure hope Camp Widow will give me some focus.  Right now I am living day by day with no goal in sight.  I have more to say but this is too hard right now.

Comment by owlbert on July 16, 2011 at 7:44am

Thank you Carol for your welcoming, and understanding words, and I'm sure I shall find many friends as I explore the 'village'.    We all  'work' very hard in our different ways, at coping with what has been a catastrophic, and irreplaceable  loss in our personal lives.    I always try to have a 'plan' ...made the night before... for the next day, though I have to admit to being a bit dilatory in actually carrying out the objective(s).    However a 'plan' gives me a target to aim for.   Most of the 'plans' involve writing up my website 'daily news' and adding a couple of photographs for the day..... See http://albertlawrie.co.uk    for more!    

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 6:42am

Carol and I assume lots of the rest of you describes the weird way the passage of time effects us. Seven months may seem like seven years but it can also seem like seven days.

 

For me one day can go by quickly or it can drag on and on and on. I find myself sitting where Betty used to sit before she got sick and while she was on chemo and just stare out the window, or go into a kind of twilight sleep. 

 

Then the dogs may bark at a squirrel and I am suddenly roused with my heart racing and it all hits at once how utterly bereft I feel without my Betty.

 

I want to run, to escape, but "been there, done that" last month in my solo drive across the country. Maybe it helped a little bit, just proving to myself I could do it. But I still returned to the house that really isn't home anymore, except for Mac and Duff (the Westies we both loved so much).

 

Hal

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 3:16am

Grandmafi, Cape Cod is an hour's drive from Boston (except in summer summer with traffic back-ups) , south, I live at the half-way point. We used to go off season due to the crowds in summer. There are lots of places nearby which aren't too crowded to visit in the summer which are lovely, even Boston (an hour by train). Of course, each one feels like a special Betty and my place so going there alone hurts, and if I go with one of those (kind of pathetic, not that the women aren't nice, they are) internet dates, it just reminds me of my wife and makes me wish it was she, not some other woman.

 

I know she'd want me to find someone, and she told me it would be easy, she told me what a great "catch" I'd be, but I don't think she really understood how it would really be for me without her.

 

Here I face yet another day to fill... at least when the dogs woke me at 5:00 and I fed them I managed to go back to sleep for two hours, thus shortening a day with no plans. I bet that sounds familiar to some of you.

 

 

 

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