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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 232
Latest Activity: on Sunday

Discussion Forum

Coping with yearning for dead husband

Started by Noelene T. Last reply by Noelene T on Sunday. 8 Replies

 I am new to this group and I lost my husband of 26 years on Valentine’s Day this year. He was 85 and I am not 79. I had been married before but he had not. We had a wonderful marriage and he was the…Continue

First post - Aloha

Started by bellgamin. Last reply by Sun Flower on Saturday. 5 Replies

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She…Continue

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by Bonnie Nov 29. 9 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Noelene T Nov 27. 7 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

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Comment by grandmafi on July 20, 2011 at 2:19pm

Geetings and Shalom ..been catching up with your Posts  re , age the possibity of new relationships......... have to agree with all that has been said about being in our 60`s but feeling much younger.......and also about the opposite sex, the same age as us but looking older...... and yes..... married to our soul mates the age thing was never an issue and we grew older together , never noticing the changes that were taking place...... my billy could look at me accross a crwoded room and smile and my heart flipped ...even after 38 years of marriage ... but .... have been thinking it over today whilst flying home to Scotland from England  where i was spending a few days with my son and his family and of course there were all the "remember whens" ... When Billy was diagosed as terminally ill .... he only lved another 38 days and was at home all that time...... as I watched him die a little more each day .... a little piece of me died too ... and .... when he died... so did I .... at least ... the me that I was then ......  the young me the young Mum , the career woman , the half of a loving couple .... she went in that same instant the he went .... I was someone else !!!!.. tormented , broken hearted and in love with a deceased man.....I did`nt realise that at the time ....... I was entering the life of a different person ...... who was I ???..... what was I going to do with my life??..... I was`ny sking those questions of course... I was on auto pilot and inacapable of formulating any kind of cohesive thoughts.... it is only with hindsight and time ( 6 years) that I can see that the Fiona that I and everyone else knew had died too ..... which brings me to the original topic of age and relationships.... when Blly died I completely shrivelled up ..lost so much weight and could`nt recognise my self in the mirror ...... this wee old lady .... who on earth was SHE !!!!!...... I am not a wee old lady ..well...  I am wee ad I suppose in my 60s I am  on a wee bit  but am certanly not old .... which brings me to men ... i would like a male companion for meals out and the theatre and I love to wander the hills and forest walks , I would like a holiday companion too .... a nice uncomplicated man ..... not marriage and not to live with me on a permanent but someone to say I look nice and buy me flowers.... I buy my own these days ......  it has taken me 5 years to be able to say that .... I could not even have ever, in my wildest imagination, believed that I cold feel this way ... as far as I was concerned , it was a case of in sickness and health and even in death we wont part..... as for internet dating... not for me I... I have seen far too many disasters for that.... so as others in this group have said ... if its God`s Will  then I will meet somone , someday , oneday perhaps ...... ad , as leslie b said .. once you see past the grey hair and the wrinkles the kindness shines through ... and to end on a really optimistic note.... a cyber friend from Oklahoma`s Mum who is 83 years old has only just recently maried a widower of 71 !!!!.... toy boy story !!!!.... awe bless. !!......  xx

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 20, 2011 at 1:43pm

Lee, I felt rushed at first, the whole growing older thing, the whole being 70 thing you refer too. But obviously after only two months you are so beset by grief that you have a long way to be where I am at, at 18 months still not sure I am ready but willing to give dates a try and having had about a dozen. But still you can't rush this and nobody in our position(s) wants to settle for less than what we had before. Different, of course, but less, no.

 

Even when you feel ready there's the seemingly insurmountable problem of finding the "right" person. Online seems the only proactive way besides letting friends and even casual acquaintances know you are looking. Half the cashiers at the supermarket know. 

Comment by Lee on July 20, 2011 at 12:47pm

Oh Masduff you expressed my feelings so eloquently. I am 68 already and have the same concerns about dating a lady.

Madeline and I were married 43 years and she still looked like that little gal I married when I was in the air force. 

I am only out two months so I don't want to date at this time.  I would feel like I was cheating on Madeline.  I am afraid when I am ready to date I will be 70 and that sounds so old.  I'm sorry I am just rambling, I just wanted to let you know your concerns are the same I am having.  Talk with you in chat.

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 20, 2011 at 9:21am

I feel like when I try to find someone I do so half-heartedly. Literally I feel that half my heart is gone, the half poets write about, the half of my heart that keeps me alive still beats but the heart of "Heart and Soul" was ripped from me.

 

Heart and soul, I fell in love with you,
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
Madly...
Because you held me tight,
And stole a kiss in the night...

Heart and soul, I begged to be adored,
Lost control, and tumbled overboard,
Gladly...
That magic night we kissed,
There in the moon mist.

Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling,
Never before were mine so strangely willing.

But now I see, what one embrace can do,
Look at me, it's got me loving you,

Comment by Runnergirl on July 20, 2011 at 8:20am
I've been in two serious relationships that did not work out. It was painful for me to get over them so I'm hesitant to get into another relationship. I do like to be with people and hope something will work out. There is no much pain at times.
Comment by Jackie (lvgma) on July 20, 2011 at 7:53am

Danny and I met 12 yrs ago so we were considered "middle age".  I met him with his wonderful grey hair and some winkles- I loved the man and all the other came with him.  Of course as the years went by and so quickly, he grayed more, and more winkles too.  I have a little helper (lol) with my gray so mine has stayed the wonderful shade of brown.  Us woman of course have our magic jars of day cream and night cream- helps with the aging lines...or maybe we could call them experience lines.  I will be turning 63 this nov, but I too don't feel old, a lot have said you don't look your age.  I say to them god bless you..lol.  I am active and hope to remain so as long as possible, danny was to the very end. 

 

I have raised 5 wonderful childre, given me 11 fabulous grands, so when and if I decide to become gray, I have earned every bit of it..he he.

Life hasn't been easy for me, I have been widowed twice 1998 and now 2010 and also have lost a child to murder in 2005.  Somehow I have weathered all of this, god's help I'm sure.

 

I too hope to find love again, we are not meant to live our lives out alone, and I miss the closeness and company.  I loved to cook, and take care of  him.  Iron his clothes- oops did I say iron, yes I still iron everything.  Danny was sent to me to make sense of my life and I hope I receive another very special gift.  I can't compare to him, it's not fair, we are all are own person.  So as the song goes, "some day my prince will come." Or as some say u have to kiss a lot of frogs before u find the prince..Not into doing that, the first is so much better.

Comment by leslie b on July 20, 2011 at 7:42am
@Macduff You are so right about how you perceive other members of the opposite sex. I never thought of Rick as old or that he even showed signs of aging. I guess this is nature's way of rewarding you for staying together for all those years. You tend to see you longtime spouse through rose coloured glasses. Men that I see now all look way older than Rick was when he died three years ago at 64. I am now 65 and I don't think that I feel any older than I did at 50 so it is difficult to find a man that I would be attracted to. However once I get to know certain men their grey hair and wrinkles seem to disappear and I see their kindness and wonderful sense of humour, etc. so I guess if the right person came along it would be fine. I find it so funny that you felt that way about your wife and I felt that way about my husband. I thought I was the only one. I guess it is the norm. Anyway, it is wonderful to share thoughts and feelings on here, isn't it?
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 20, 2011 at 3:47am

FYI: I posted this on a forum about the different ages with loose our spouses.

 

Seems to me that each age brings a few elements that are unique to that age. I post on the born in the 1940's or earlier thread where we sometimes discuss this. Betty died at 65. I am now 67 and will be 68 in January. I have, what, ten good healthy years, may live 20 years, who can tell? I do want to meet some in my age range but I often feel that pressure of time flashing by.

 

Also at my age having been married 40 years I accepted, and in fact hardly noticed, that my wife was physically aging though she was in great shape and looked young to me. Now I meet women my age and some of them look "old". I hate to say it because I probably look this way to them too. It's probably a male thing and I know I have to look beyond appearances.

 

Because women statistically live longer than men I should be looking to date women a few years older than me, but I end up attracted to women in their early sixties. I know dating a woman in her fifties is asking for trouble ten years down the road.

 

I kept my long term health insurance when my wife died just n case I met someone new. Otherwise it would hardly matter if I died broke in a nursing home.

 

As for what Kim said - I find that women at least are more likely to have close female friends that they can share their deepest feelings with. In general men aren't self-disclosing with male friends. They don't want to see a golf, sports, hunting or fishing buddy cry. My closest friends are a gay man and a married woman who is 53 and due to her circumstances can spend a lot of time with me in the ideal platonic friendship.

 

Comment by grandmafi on July 18, 2011 at 11:26am
OOOOPs *meant dog ... not fog ...x
Comment by grandmafi on July 18, 2011 at 11:25am
Tomorrow, tomorrow ..is only a day away ....BUT... its not a promise so dont put anything off that you can do today... easier said that done ...????.. Runnrwergirl .. I am not an animal person either so I have the best of both worlds when I borrow my daughters fog ... he is a Border Collie ..... that way I dont have the muddy paw prints all over my carpets .... I wish you luck with selling your house...as I said before I tried that and it did`nt happen .... not meant to be I suppose but I keep thinking that a nice wee flat or bungalow would be easier to maintain ... I live in a very old stone built cottage , well over 200 years old and it needs as lot of tender loving care ( and money ) .... and like lots of others on here it just did`nt feel like "home " any more( I LOVED it when we bought it 20 years ago so perhaps when I have the new kitchen in it will feel more like home again .Owlbert ... a rose garden for maggie is just lovely...espcially fragrant ones.... good luck with that...... and on the subject of finding a new love ..another auld Scottish saying is "whits fur ye wont go by ye "..... so ..... kay serra serra...... hope to catch up with you all soon ......haste ye back hugs....xx. 
 

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