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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 230
Latest Activity: on Sunday

Discussion Forum

First post - Aloha

Started by bellgamin. Last reply by Cee Sep 26. 4 Replies

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She…Continue

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by DIVA70 Aug 25. 7 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Summergirl Feb 28. 6 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

Joining the Club that no one wants to belong to...

Started by EarthSpirit (Carol). Last reply by EarthSpirit (Carol) Feb 27. 5 Replies

I am new to Soaring Spirits and this particular group. I find myself here as a result of my beloved husband Ralph’s passing on October 5, 2017. It seems like a lifetime ago, although only 4 months.…Continue

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Comment by Runnergirl on July 15, 2011 at 7:21pm
I also welcome you Macduff. It will be 5 years in August since my husband died suddenly of a hear attack. This 5 year mark coming up is tough for me. I finally decided to sell my house as a symbol of *moving on," especially this is where he died. I had saved 5 of his favorite shirts but I donated all but 1 to a yard sale. I liked the line in the movie "Rabbit Hole" where the mom who had lost her adult son said, "The pain does not go away. It just gets more manageable." For the most part that is true but for right now the pain is reappearing. I wonder is this my lot in life? Trying to be content living alone? The hard I try to make it work really tires me out but I just keep going. I love this web site to know there are others for support and comfort.
Comment by leslie b on July 15, 2011 at 3:44pm

Welcome Macduff. You know my last vacation with my husband was in Cape Cod. I will remember it always. I am very close to your age. I am 65 and I know exactly what you mean about expecting to grow old together. I also see couples in their 80's and look on with great envy. I have friends who live in my condo complex. They are 90 and 91 respectively and have been married for 67 years. They are a wonderful couple and I am so happy for them. I just wish it were me and Rick but that wasn't meant to be.

I have three children and seven grandchildren who are a constant source of happiness but living alone without Rick is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am getting better all the time though. I lost Rick three years ago and still miss him every day but I am getting on with my life. We have to . What other choice is there?

My wish for you is that you find some peace and contentment and I hope we here can make a difference in your life.

 

Comment by itaintme on July 15, 2011 at 1:29pm
Macduff, welcome. What a lovely area you live in and what a lovely lady your wife was. I hope that those couples in their 80s know how lucky they are, if only by virtue of living to their 80s. Unfortunately, we often don't realize how lucky we were until two has become one through no fault of our own. Getting over the "if onlys" is part of the grieving process. It does get better/easier as time goes on.
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 15, 2011 at 12:52pm

I haven't read all of the comments but just wanted to let you know I am here and one of you... I am 67, my wonderful Betty died a year and seven months ago when she was 65. We were married for 40 years. We had no children.

 

 So here we all are in our sixties and seventies thrust adrift, alone, into these stormy seas wondering if there's going to be a safe harbor for the rest of our lives. We, al of us here, were supposed to grow old together. We already accepted the gradual outward signs of aging and looked at each other seeing the inner beauty that first drew us together. 

If you're like me, you sometime go out to eat and see couples in their 80's and even older who appear to be so much in love. I feel it is so beautiful I often just want to hug them and tell them they are so lucky, but I expect they know that.

below: about five years ago at Cape Cod Canal near where we live.

 

 

 

 

Comment by itaintme on July 15, 2011 at 12:49pm
Fiona, twasn't a lecture you gave. It was experience speaking and we thank you for that. Enjoy your grandchildren. The first wedding I mentioned will be in England, in Hertfordshire. Leslie b, enjoy your cousins and your aunt. I've recently connected with cousins I haven't seen for donkey's years and it was wonderful. Happy weekend, everyone.
Comment by leslie b on July 15, 2011 at 11:56am

Hi Fiona. So glad you are spending some time with your granddaughters. Grandchildren do have a way of making everything feel wonderful, don't they? Doesn't sound like a lecture at all. I, for one, am happy to hear that it gets better even after 6 years. I am still struggling sometimes after 3 years and was worried that this would be my fate. I am very pleased to know that more time will help. I have an acquaintance (a widow) who went to Austria with her daughters last year for the Passion Play. She loved her trip.

I am meeting some cousins that I have not seen for a long time for brunch this Sunday. Then I have an aunt coming to visit for a few weeks from Montreal. So I am very excited for this weekend too. I am also looking forward to going up to Northern Ontario to visit my son and his family in August. He is a psychology professor in a small University up there. 

Have a wonderful time visiting your family and I will talk to you soon.

Comment by grandmafi on July 15, 2011 at 11:35am
Hi lelsie and itaintme and everyone else who is looking in ...... I hane just flown down from Scotland tonear London England to spend a few days with my son and his family ... I have two adoreable wee grandaughters here.... age 9 and 7 and  they light up my life and fill my heart with such joy . I thought after Billy died that I would never feel this kind of joy ever gain ... and to be honest ... it has taken me some considerable time ( its 6 yrs since he died ) and I would say for the first two I was on auto pilot... just going throught the motions ......and ... for me ..... it was like swimming through treaclw for a very long time ..... I look back now and see that I was  struggling badly ....... I`m sure you all recognise these signs ... I wish I could have come to terms with it sooner as I feel that the last 5 years have beena mere existence as opposed to living life to the full ..... although ... I did continue to work and I did travel quite a bit ..... I trekked in the Himalays two years ago to raise funds for a local cancer charity .... went to Spain , Canada, South of France and last year went to Austria and to see the Passion Play in Obberamerrgau  ( its onlu on once every 10 years) ... also I did the Race For Life cancer fundraiser a couple of weeks ago ... but I do feel that I did all these things in only first gear as opposed to top gear and kind of dragged and forced myself ...... I find now that I can plan and do things without so much effort and  am seeing more light at the end of the tunnel...... " There is Hope " ....... I still dont like coming back into the empty house and whenever I go back home fropm visiting my son and the girls  I cry ..... recover quicker than before tho ........ Itaintme ..... the two weddings will be hard for you ... a mixture of ove and pride and wishing that it could have been different.....but ... like all of us ... you will put on a brave face and get through it and be an emotional wreck afterwards..... we are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for .......to go through the trauma amd turbulence that we have... and survive is nothing short of a miracle ...... we are the walking wounded but no-one can see our wounds.... its like having a leg amputated..... the pain is always there and the wound occasionally opens up again .... and we get an artificial leg and manage very nicely thanks you very much ... we almost look the same , its only when flks take the time to have a closer look that they realise that we are wounded and tying to heal ....... I wish you all a lovley weekend and hope that you kind find something to give you even a tiny bit of joy in your heart..... a flower, a butterfly , a bird ... a full moon or a starry night ..... I KNOW that when you still feel the rawness of grief that it can be oh so hard to find the rainbows and the silver linings.... we just have to give ourselves permission to find and apreciate them without feeling guilty or having feelings of being disloyal to out loved ones..... hope this dosent sound like a lecture.......thinking of you hugs to all .... Fi ....xx
Comment by leslie b on July 13, 2011 at 5:31pm
As I said before Fiona, you are a very wise woman. I like your attitude and I too try very hard not to let grief rule me. It really is a beautiful full moon tonight, isn't it? I was just with three of my grandsons and we were looking for the "man in the moon". Now, I ask you, "What could be better than that?" Life still holds lots of good things for all of us. The trick is to seize these moments and be grateful for them. Goodnight to you.
Comment by itaintme on July 13, 2011 at 5:28pm
Fiona, glad you stopped by for a "wee" chat. I agree, things are not usually as bad as we anticipate. We seem always to expect the worst. Bouncing back quicker is a good thing. My next "hard one" will be our granddaughter's wedding in September and then another granddaughter's in March. The March one, though, that granddaughter has deliberately planned to give me a happy memory of that day rather than a sad one. Of course, it will be very mixed for me as she's having me walk her down the aisle since her granddad isn't here to do it.
Comment by grandmafi on July 13, 2011 at 3:27pm

HI Fiona back for another wee chat ...... its way past midnight here and my coach has turned into a pumpkin but thought I would stop by and say hello again .......I was reading that a couple of you have "those " anniversaries looming ..... always difficult and I really havent learned yet either how to stop the melancholy feeling that preceeds them .... then they usually turn out to be not nearly so bad as we thought they would be..... even after 6 years of widowhood , no matter how hard I try to celebrate Billy`s life as opposed to dreading it ....I still cant shake off that heaviness.... I do bounce back much quicker than before  so thats a positive step in the right direction ...... I make a concious effort to count my blessings and not to let grief dictate what my mood is going to be....... grief permeates every single part of us ...its such a robber  of joy and we need to punch it on the nose and be stronger than it ... easier said than done huhh??????...... Anyway... going to toddle off to bed now...... there is a beautiful full moon tonight .....  took its picture ....  will post it soon ... understanding hug all around the room ...x

 

 

 

 

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