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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 232
Latest Activity: Jan 6

Discussion Forum

First post - Aloha

Started by bellgamin. Last reply by Bonnie Jan 6. 8 Replies

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Gwamma Jan 5. 8 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by sis Jan 3. 11 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Coping with yearning for dead husband

Started by Noelene T. Last reply by Sun Flower Dec 16, 2018. 11 Replies

 I am new to this group and I lost my husband of 26 years on Valentine’s Day this year. He was 85 and I am not 79. I had been married before but he had not. We had a wonderful marriage and he was the…Continue

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Comment by Runnergirl on July 17, 2011 at 2:59am
I'm learning a lot about dogs. They certainly are more sensitive that I ever thought. Thanks for sharing that.
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 17, 2011 at 2:58am

For the longest time, well over a year, one of the two dogs that always slept with us would touch me on the arm with his warm soft paw in the middle of the night or early morning and rouse me to being half awake, and for an instant I would think it was Betty.

 

She loved them so much that it was as if she was touching me through them. It was also perhaps that they needed to touch me to. For an entire year almost to the date neither of them would sleep on her side of the bed.

Comment by Runnergirl on July 17, 2011 at 2:38am

learning to live alone, much less like it is tough. My son, bless his soul,  gave me dog for my birthday to keep me company. I had just finished watching his for several months. I am not a animal person but had kind of bonded to his dog, who was 5 years old and very mellow. Well now I have a 8 month boxer who is very frisky and not house trained. The previous owner said his was trained. I do have a crate for her. Although this is an adjustment it does keep be occupied. She is a comfort at night as she sleeps on my bed.

 

I love this blog--It's like having a bunch of new friends. Is anyone going to Camp Widow? 

Comment by grandmafi on July 17, 2011 at 2:33am
Morning from a wet and damp corner of England..... its forest land here so no-one is complaining about the rain ...... the wonderful lush green of the forest needs even more rain so ... bring it on !!!... I have been catching up with some of your Posts...... is`nt cyber wonderful , brining us together to share and support each other ..... be companions on this journey that we have been tasked by the good Lord...for whatever reason , to be on ..... Mc Duff... I was so relating to your shopping experience yesterday ... I too did that for a very long time ...only recently cleared out closets and took "stuff" to the charity shop that still had the labels on .... still brand new.....I used to jump on whatever train was coming along  and wander round the shops being envious of couples strolling together and feeling very lonley indeed .. that can still happen from tme to time but now I go to the beach ( borrow my daughters dog )or I wander in the forest which I am fotrunate enough to live near too  and dont mind the lack of company .... in fact I like the wind in the trees and the lush foliage and the tranquility ...like Owlbert... I take lots of pictures...... have to confess tho my comfort also lies in the wonderful cake shops and garden centre cafes that surround me ... my family have started to call me the "cake lady "... I take pics of all those too .......and I am happy to hear , Owlbert, that you have settled into a life-style that suits your needs, that is  such a blessing ..... I too tell peple that " I have a nice wee life, thank you very much "..... But..... ( one of those BUTs that you spoke about Owlbert)....... it dosent include the man that was the wind beneath my wings  and that still hurts..... I find Saturday and Friday evenings lonely too ....... hard for  a single woman to find an acceptable pastime then ... my friends  almost all still have their husbands so are spending time with them ...as we all did ..... so ... this is something that I need to find a plan for ..... I do try to plan for those anniversary dates so that I am not on my own .... BUT .... it always comes back to coming home to the empty house. Like others on here.... my house did`nt feel like a home for a VERY long time .... I am getting there tho ... tried to sell it and failed owing to market conditionds ( or maybe I am just meant to be here ) ....... I have recently decided to "reclaim " it and have re-decorated completely one bedroom , hall stair and Landings ... have bought a new kitchen which will be installed in two weeks time and after that I will keep going til I have "Fiona-ised" it !!!!!!.. I could`nt even have ever believed that I would  have been in a psychological "place" to be able to even contemplate such things ..or have the energy to even think about tackling it ... I am rubbish at Mr Fix-It stuff... so I need to pay for most of it to be done ...... so ... what am I saying here...... yes , it is the worst trauma  ever and yes it seems , for a long time that we wont even survive and yes... it really really does get more manageable BUT yes... the pain is always ready to jump up and bite us on the bahookie when we least expect it ... we owe it to our loved ones and to ourselves to get throught this ... one step at a time ...I think Owlbert gets awarded the "pearls of Wisdom " necklace this week .... so who will win it next week ???......love, light and blessings  to everyone ... Fiona ..xxx.. ( P.S . spending today with my gorgeous wee grandaughters Lauren (9) and Heather (7) ... I can hear  a cake shop calling our names ...x
Comment by owlbert on July 16, 2011 at 3:33pm
The second anniversary of Maggies' death is on the 18th August and although I have "dropped" into a new way of life without her, ....with her it would have been a million times better.... the memories still hit me.... and I am "happy/ sad" when they do Anyway three months ago I bought a slow cooker, I think you call them 'crocks', and it is the best thing I ever did..but.. and there's always one of them. One day set it going for the first time and went out for a long walk. On opening the front door when I got home the first thought that hit the auld brain was "Oh, Maggie's got something good for food tonight"... then reality 'hit me'. Many tears later I enjoyed a real good casserole! I still use the 'crock', and still it reminds me of Maggie when I come home but I accept the reality that she is looking after me from 'above'.....I always thought I'd of die of hunger when she 'left' me! There is a 'future' after such a catastrophy as we have gone through and I know that I found that hard to believe until a few months ago. Now I go out to a Coffee Morning and enjoy a laugh and chat with my "girlfriends" most of whom are Maggies former pals and I actually enjoy their company and the 'feeling' on being in female company again. Is that bad? No, I think that is what Maggie wanted! As she used to say, jokingly, I hope "naebody else would have you" and I'm happy with that. Nowadays I hide behind my camera, and come home to 'food parcels' hanging from the door handle ..... from Maggie's friends, now my "girlfriends"! Yes maggie did organise things for me before she left... and I'm glad she did so! Lee, and everyone, I can tell you life does get better in the most unexpected ways. Luckily for us all 'hope' is eternal!
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 1:28pm

I can only hope - knowing it will intellectually is one thing, but believing it deep down is difficult for me and so many of us. That is especially true after a bad day or week or month. I am further along than many here but today was a total washout. With nothing to do I wandered around our local farmer's market not intending to buy anything, hoping to talk to someone I knew, and then out of desperation went to - alas - the MALL. It was almost empty... but like a pathetic old widower I walked from one end to the other and back with the fantasy I'd either meet someone I knew or run into the new mystery woman drawn to me by fate. 

 

This is from my iPhone and for some reason it seems to be sideways (Independence Mall, Kingston Mass. today)

Comment by grandmafi on July 16, 2011 at 1:11pm
 Lee and Mc Duff....Life actually does creep back up on you when you are`nt looking ...... it just happens even although you are so very sure that your heart is so shattered into smithereens that it will never heal and that your depth of wound is so deep that it will never heal .... it does and it will , given time and even if you cant face the thought of that happening , or believing it , it truly does . When folks said that to me I was so sure that they simply did not understand .....  hang on in there ....... cyber hugs ...... Fi ....xx
Comment by itaintme on July 16, 2011 at 11:06am
Lee, it's truly early days for you. Glad you have your dog. Mine has been a blessing to me -- keeps me from coming home to an empty house. Camp Widow should be very helpful. One day at a time. We're all here for you, too.
Comment by leslie b on July 16, 2011 at 10:28am

So sorry, Lee. Anniversaries are tough and it has only been two months. Please believe me when I tell you that things do get better. You will never forget Madeline or stop loving her but you will be able to start taking part in life quite fully again. I wish I could be there to hold your hand but this will have to do.

I am glad you are going to Camp Widow. I wish I could but it was not to be this year. I hope it really helps you. 

Glad we are here for you though. I wish you peace.

 

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 10:18am

Two months and an anniversary of two months at that, of course you are having a horrible day... I wouldn't expect any focus this soon. I am glad you have a dog though. Mine helped me get through some very rough times and they still, after 19 months, do.

 

Sleeping a lot or the opposite, not being able to sleep, is typical. Sometimes sleep schedules get turned backwards. Few go through grief like ours with their usual sleep patterns intact.

 

All I can say having experienced intense grief like yours is that the first six months I had no other goal than making it through the day, sometimes through a meltdown that seemed like it would never end. 

 

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