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Born in the 50s

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Members: 586
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Discussion Forum


Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by michr60 Nov 22. 3 Replies


Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Slick Nov 18. 29 Replies


Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by BergenJC Oct 23. 6 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by irishlady on Friday

I am embarrassed to even write this, but has anyone else run into financial problems since being widowed. I always did the bills, but my husband was my regulator. Left on my own and with the accompanying depression, I got myself into quite a mess with credit cards. And am now left on my own to figure out how to handle it all. I will be going to court in January for some of it. I am worried and stressed out and more depressed than usual. My husband would have known how to handle it all and I don't.

Comment by princess57 on Friday

Thanks and i am hoping that everyone is fair well as we can, i know i must have been thinking about my guy today, i had to drive to Columbia,Mo and to take my youngest to work. I got to her place and phoned to come to help with her stuff and and was getting mad because she wasn't anwsering her phone and looked down and of course she wouldn't  anwser i was calling my guy's number yes i still have his number in my cell phone.

Comment by pipin on Thursday
Thinking of you all today,no big cook ups here in UK. You have such wonderful memories of this holiday. Make sure you can take the time out to do so. Onwards and upwards all, with love
. Pip
Comment by Slick on November 23, 2015 at 7:32pm

thanks Dianne....yes I have tried Meet right outside of Phila...99% of them are in Center City , at night, and mostly Happy Hours....which I no longer have interest in....I have met 3 Widows....who I did different things with the first year after Bill passes and then the using wanted me to take two of her 18 rescue cats and when I said I couldn't she hasn't spoken to of the others hasn't spoken to me because I didn't have any interest in a particular movie the group wanted to see so I told them to go , enjoy and I would meet up with them for lunch...haven't heard from her in almost 4 years...the 3rd and last kept making plans and "accidentally' going to the wrong location...too many times for me...I asked my daughters and my counselor if they could think of anything I hadn't tried and they all said no..I haven't quit yet...someone nice will come my way....I have one woman I have lunch with about once every couple of months..met at a women's's was just 3 of us ...all with a different issue and the psychologist used to let us deal with each other's problems...she would talk to us all at the end..I miss was a nice group...I also keep in touch with the other girl ......time keeps us from getting together....

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on November 23, 2015 at 7:18pm

Slick - We have new SS groups that meet in Allentown, PA and Springfield, NJ ... but it looks like both of those spots are an hour away from you. I often have to drive 30+ minutes to get to one of our meets, but we don't get the weather here that you do. Have you looked at for your area?  Maybe not widow-related, but something else you might like to do. There are a ton of them in my area. Heck we even have an overweight hiker meetup group out here - LOL!

I just remembered someone I met who appears to live within 30 minutes of you ... will send you some info as a message here.

Comment by irishlady on November 23, 2015 at 5:48pm

Dianne...My Mom was alone for 18 years after my Dad passed, but she lived with us and our 4 kids, so she was never really alone. But, how I wish I had talked to her more about how she felt. I am sure she held a lot in and only let it out when she was alone in her room.  It's not a pleasant thought considering how long we all might live and we will basically do it all alone. I am an only child so other than my kids, no one else to rely on.

Comment by Slick on November 23, 2015 at 4:33pm

You know Dianne it';s funny...I read an article sent by AARP the other day that said Phila is one of the best cities to retire in...because there'e so much...OMG there is nothing and no one around groups....I can't even find a soup kitchen anywhere near me to volunteer in....I did volunteer in a stand along specialty cancer facility for 2 years....but it became like an unpaid job..and they started to take was wearing me out....this is no SS any where near me.....I hate to go back to a grief group and be with newly widowed people.....I don't want to be the one that tells them it's still horrible at times 5-6-7 years later....I know many widows of 20 years....I think they hid their grief from the family sees at times but I don't talk to just anyone....because most don't understand...and their words can be hurtful...all of my closest friends have passed.....I have gone to school, volunteered, taken lectures, gone to dances myself, etc....I'm getting very tired of trying....

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on November 23, 2015 at 4:11pm

Wish you lived here in Vegas, Slick - or had a Soaring Spirits group near you.  Our local SS group has given me some wonderful friendships that are making a real difference.  I'm 64, so I do understand that feeling of getting older and spending final years alone. My Mom spent 14 years alone after Dad died; my mother-in-law was alone for 30 years after Vern's Dad died. I so wish I had talked to them about what this was like. But I didn't.  They both appeared to enjoy themselves and kept active.  But perhaps they were like me ... keeping those hard days to themselves. 

Comment by Slick on November 23, 2015 at 3:17pm

Dianne..thank you...your post gives hope...I was doing so much better a year ago then I am now...I think I just haven't become who I am...I've tried so many different things..that I don't know what else to try....I also take that time that I get hit with the pity party....cry a lot....but then it passes...and I feel is frightening sometimes to realize ..we will probably be alone the rest of our lives....I feel as if as I age it will be easier for me to accept...I had so much spunk., energy and hopes....even when I turned I'll be 62 in a couple of months and not so much hope of a fun lifetime....I;m just lost and alone ..have no one to go anywhere with and have gotten tired of doing everything times I feel defeated in this process as hard as I try not to be...thanks ...for posting..PEACE

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on November 23, 2015 at 3:08pm

I hit the 5 year mark at the end of September and while people think I've got this all figured out ... I don't. But I just keep trying. I push, push, push myself to do things, to get out the door, to volunteer, to do good things for other people, to surprise strangers with random acts of kindness. I am learning who I am, who I am supposed to be during this final stage of my life alone. What I like to do ... what I don't like to do ... what I can do ... what I can't do.  It's really hard work.  

And actually there are so very many days I would prefer to do absolutely N O T H I N G.  Just sit here and wrap myself up in the grief that my life with Vern is over and I will be alone until I die. But that's a pretty yucky way to spend the rest of my life, so I only allow myself to have those pity parties occasionally. But I do let myself have them when I need them ... and I think it's helpful.

Being without our loves stinks, plain and simple. It's certainly not a choice we were given. Death happens to every single one of us. No way out of it. And it doesn't feel fair ... but so much of life just isn't.  So we just need to keep getting up each day. Put one foot in front of the other, trying to move forward. Doing the best that we can. And on those days when backward is the only direction we can move ... come here where you know you'll find others who understand.


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