A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Groups are a place to help locate folks "like you," and maybe say "hi."
Welcome to this group's coordinator: Patience (Diane)
Latest Activity: 18 minutes ago
Here's a link to the Forum discussion with "positive" quotes, photos, links, etc.
I am a year and a half into this journey and I am still in the same house. But now I have the Hobson's choice of: I can either stay here in my house, where I now have a beautiful new kitchen and bath and gorgeous hardwood floors upstairs -- and stay at a job that is killing me and that gives me no leisure time where I'm not exhausted or thinking about the work I need to do...or leave and head south where the cost of living is lower and I can retire. I have friends here, but not so many and no one that I feel I could rely on if I got sick. One has intermittent clinical depression and everything in her life is turned into a drama, one is happily married and while she has been a good friend and takes care of my cats when I have to go away, I would not be comfortable imposing on them for things like rides to doctors on a regular basis. Another has a separate circle in her building and is now wrapped up in her daughter's wedding. I go to meetups where there are nice people, but again -- no one I could call if I were in desperate need. So why stay? Why stay in a house that's too big, pay NJ taxes and $5000/year in lawn/shrub/tree maintenance, and slowly kill myself in a job where threats and constant fear are the corporate culture?
Damian .....I understand and agree totally..it's been almost 18 years since I lost my daughter and 4 since I lost my husband on her birthday.....no matter how aware this year I was of upcoming dates... my family noticed a month before that I was struggling....less then a week after it passed I was "OK" again..as far as moving ...I would like to downsize...I have too many empty rooms for one person....BUT...it is more economic for me to stay put...selling won't being me what my home is worth and renting an apartment which is what I would do ...so I have no worries....would cost me more...not a good financial decision...I always thought if I left here ..it would be easier ...now I feel it might be harder...I put my key in the door and am home...I am changing what I can....inexpensively....so it feels more like my home and not "our " home....and that is helping ......Melanie and Bill are in my heart always ...in there own place ..that I can live with....no matter where I am.....PEACE
Hello Everyone, How are you?
I so agree with you about living in a society that loves couples. I moved to another state 18 months after my husband's death. We both loved golf so I joined a private golf club in my new town. Of course couples dues are less than "singles". That irks me. The other thing that really is frustrating is that all these helpful people want to lump me in with all the other widows at the club whether I have anything in common with them (other than a dead spouse) or not. I don't want being a widow to define me as a person.
I'm sure this sounds shallow, but recently I also admited to myself that I miss the status of my husband. By that I mean it felt like I got more respect when I was married. He was well known and respected in our community. I was so proud of him. With him gone it was as though I no longer existed in our social circle.
I wanted to "get the hell out of Dodge" at first, move away from everything, but everyone said don't make rash decisions for a couple of years so I continued to live in my home and am glad I did. It's my place of peace now with my animals.
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