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Born in the 50s

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Members: 711
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by TCHA Mar 29. 78 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Companionship

Started by Tess. Last reply by Beansy Feb 9. 21 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by shelley 3 hours ago

I'm finding that I have a certain amount of tears that have to be shed each day.  If I cry only a little during the day- the tears come at night.  If i cry a lot during the day- I can go to bed without crying.  If I don't cry enough during the day- I also cry at night.   

Comment by NancyD 7 hours ago

Hi Laurel,  I too am sorry for your loss.  It is very difficult to navigate fresh grief, for sure.  You've come to the right place.  You are not alone.

Melissa, it has been 7 months for me and I also feel a tiny bit better now. The evenings are the worst for me, especially dinner time.  I can say that somewhere around the 6 month mark things seemed to "lighten up" a bit and I started to be surprised by stretches of time that weren't so terrible.  I miss my husband very much but I am no longer constantly  knocked down by the grief.  I can breathe better; I don't cry all day long.  I take this change as a sign of hope---hope for my future, that it could be meaningful and worth living even though it doesn't really feel like that right now.  

Comment by Slick 11 hours ago

Laurel...Bill and I also fought and fought....I have never seen anyone suffer as much as he did for so long and keep fighting until the last few days....neither of us wanted to stop trying, didn't want to leave each other....had a hard time talking to each other about the fact that he was dying, the battle was almost over....I cried every morning for 3 months....and one day he asked me to try not to cry it made it harder on him..so I held them in ...I knew he didn't want to leave, but in another way wanted to , to rid himself of the pain...so I did whatever I could to let him be him....it was his life..not mine...the night he died I woke him and told him I loved him and knew he loved me but his pain was unbearable and he suffered so much.....he was calling my daughter's name for 2 days , I told him to take her hand , it was OK , I would figure it our and be OK....and he closed his eyes and passed shortly after on her birthday...so I feel as if she came for him...and was telling me that she was OK and he would be too.....March 1 is her birthday ,she passed at 21 and would have just turned 42......and it was his 7th anniversary.....a strange day for me every year is different...a birth and a rebirth....that fight is tough...almost 4 years of him being ill and I still wasn't ready to kiss him goodbye and neither was he...I have good days ..and days filled with tears of missing him...and beautiful memories of our life together....I do my best to go with what each day brings...I can and do laugh, smile, talk to everyone...love my grandchildren..and am still trying to fulfill my life a little more...God bless.....we all understand...no rights..and no wrongs in grieving..do it your way..but please don't forget to be good to you..

Comment by Slick 12 hours ago

Tess...I think at times we are dying inside and put on a face of "I;m OK" to others...it's something this world seems to demand...do what's best for you....and be good to you ...it helps...

Comment by Slick 12 hours ago

Good morning Lioness....I have been the same way lately...I just passed the 7 year mark since Bill passed...I have spoken to many of my friends on here ....who are about at the same point and they said the same thing...all of a sudden it feels like year one or two...I think it's another change we go through making new lives for ourselves.....not sure ..but it feels like that...a deeper acceptance of what is....I have learned that being good to me which is something I have never had time for ....helps...have to cry, then cry, when we can smile , then smile....I have grieved many times in front of my daughters and counselor....if you're close to someone and the tears flow let them if you're comfortable....Bergen is right in that most people don't want to hear about it ...but some do....there are no rights and wrongs here.....we are all different ..but the loss and pain is there for all of us..wishing you peace of heart...

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC 12 hours ago

Tess, the truth is that grief is a solo journey.  Even if others are grieving with you, their grief is different from yours.  Those who are not grieving?  They can't possibly relate.  Friends want to stop worrying about you, that is why they talk of "moving on" and say you are "wallowing in grief."  Almost no one has seen me in active grief -- not my father before HE passed, not his family, not my sister, not my friends.  It is something I do in those hours before sleep.  Because no one wants to know.

Comment by Tess 14 hours ago

Lioness, I can identify with your words. It is not yet two years for me, but at times I fall into the same funk state. Most of the time I have things to keep me occupied. They hold me up by my bootstrings. At others, I pray to the Lord because I feel that this road is not one I want to travel. I don't seem to even recognize those things that get me through the other days.

I don't know if others feel this way, but sometimes it is the difference between how I actually feel and the way I present myself to the world. People wouldn't understand my authentic feelings. They would either run away, or think I'm just not progressing at all. Hugs to you. You aren't alone.

Comment by booktime (Susan) yesterday

Laurel, your words of how hard you fought because you weren't ready to say goodbye resonated with me. All of our stories are so different. Ed's last few months were really hard and he fought hard until he couldn't. We never really said goodbye but I guess we did in other ways.

You'll find your way - it's not the same nor can it be but I am finding that it's not a bad way at all. It takes as much time as it takes - no schedule or timetable here and no one should suggest there is. Hugs to you!

Comment by Muns yesterday

Great advice from this group that I have learned.  Be sure to be kind to yourself and eat healthy!  I know it's hard ,but important.  Grief has a way of weakening your immune system.  I never get sick and have had both strains of the flu last year, even with the flu shot. 

My husband also died of pancreatic cancer but he didn't have an opportunity to fight.  He was diagnosed 4/6/2017 and died the 22nd. In the beginning people would say, you're lucky he didn't suffer.  I don't feel lucky.  Oh and the big one, time heals all.  Or mentioned before, be patient.  Surround yourself with family and friends that love you, and not the ones that want to "fix you".

Hugs and peace.

Comment by Lioness yesterday

Hi  all, sorry we all have to be here. My husband died 5 plus yrs ago, and today is a bad day. Rain is not helping. i feel like I am back at the beginning of all this, miss him terribly, and cant get out of this funk. I took a trip south to escape the cold, and it was nice to get away, but near the end of the trip, I was not enjoying t and just wanted to be back. Since returning, I am feeling like a hermt, cant get myself to go out, eating crap, and missing my husband terribly. Don't know where my life is going without him. cant seem to get motivated to do anything, and so lonely.

 

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