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Born in the 50s

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Members: 618
Latest Activity: on Saturday

Discussion Forum


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Comment Wall


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Comment by lizbeth4 on Saturday

Hi Seashell,  My Husband died 3 years ago.   The first 2 years I had no energy or desire to do anything.   This last year I have seen a profound change in myself.   I am very active now and involved in a lot of activities and I am making future plans for myself.  I think of my Husband and miss him a lot but I rarely cry now.   I focus on the good times and memories.   I started meditating this past year.   I start the day meditating for 15 mins before I go to the gym.  It helps me start the day more focused and grounded.   I also practice gratitude affirmations throughout the day. Living in a rural environment (moved from a big city 8 months after Husbands death) helps me also as I love nature and I am surrounded by forest, animals and beauty.   I am only 2 hours away from my Daughters and Grandson.   I enjoy every minute spent with them.   I think that we need to do things for ourselves that bring us joy.   Life is a process and ever changing.  I know my Husband would want me to move forward and live my life to the fullest.   I hope that everyone here can do that.  

Comment by Patience (Diane) on May 5, 2016 at 11:50am

Dear Seashell,  I absolutely agree! Time spent in the car to see your family is time Very Well Spent! 

Comment by Seashell on May 3, 2016 at 4:51pm

Dear Patience: I am so glad I made your day. My grade school did square dancing and Moon River was one of the songs I had square danced to. This week has been an emotional week for me where I have really missed Jerry. I got a notice that my youngest had posted pictures and looked at them. They brought joy to me to see my youngest grandson smiling. Sunday is Mother's Day. It may well be worth the 10 hours in the car up and back over the weekend just to see my children and grandchildren.

Comment by Patience (Diane) on May 1, 2016 at 4:06pm
Seashell, I haven't checked in here in a little while , but so glad I did. I think I was meant to see your post! This May 20 it will be 4 years that my Wayne is gone....
"moon river" was a very special song for my husband and me! I used to sing it to him .... And we would laugh together because I didn't sing very well!
Good memories!
Comment by Seashell on April 27, 2016 at 11:00am

Three years have passed since Jerry passed away. There are days I still have to pray just to make it out of bed and through my day. There are days - like today - where I cry - a little. I had been watching a show over the weekend where they sang "Moon River" and I just began singing it this morning and I cried. As I was getting ready for work the "Moon River" song came over the station I was listening to. I have begun to look toward new avenues of finding a new life for myself. My mother always loved archeaology and somehow I seem to enjoy that myself now. I am studying metaphysical beliefs and find that I am happier with myself and more at peace. Meditation has become a very large part of my life. I miss my daughters and grandchildren but have several years before I can retire but I am learning to take it one day at a time. Today, life is good.

Comment by Tink on April 23, 2016 at 5:36am

Marilyn, that is what is so hard, not having that person there by your side any more. There are things to be done on the house that I have no idea of how I am going to be able to get them done. When my husband was in a nursing home before he passed, an old hunting buddy of his would come and sit with him and read to him, even though my husband could no longer speak. It was such a blessing for us. But one year later, he committed suicide. The hardest thing was to go to that viewing. It was close by so that gave me the ability to go, but I was only able to do it with all three of my children there to support me through that short time.  What has made it harder too for me is that the year before my husband passed, our son-in-law passed away, leaving our daughter widowed at 33 with two small children. I grieve for her also and that I can not be more helpful to her since I have to work full time. So between us, we have two households to try and take care of with no men to help us.  ((HUGS, back to you))

Comment by Marilyn on April 23, 2016 at 12:42am

Tink, I feel the same way and I just passed 2 years.  It's really frustrating!  And now my husband's cousin just passed away.  We were all close.  I want to be there for her because I know how it feels.  But I don't want to be there because I know how it feels.  It's all a moot point, I can't get away to travel 800 miles for the funeral.  It's all just one big frustration!  Want to go, don't want to go, can't go because of work and expense.  I'm afraid the can't go will win out. I'm not happy about that, but it's pretty much out of my hands. Some days I wish I had someone to take me by the hand and lead me along telling me what to do when.  So, if it's any help, I know how it feels.  ((HUGS))

Comment by Tink on April 22, 2016 at 6:47pm

I still feel I have no energy left when I come home from work and it is over two years for me. Some weekends now I am just starting to feel I can try and accomplish some thing little. I have found it is easier to tackle a job for a short amount of time so it does not overwhelm me. It is always easier too, when you have someone there to help you out. I have come to terms that when I feel it is too much , to let it go for another time. There are some things I know I am just not ready to tackle even yet, like cleaning out all his things in the basement. Grieving is so exhausting, it just takes so much out of you.

Comment by solamente mio on April 22, 2016 at 11:03am

Thank You both for your comments.  It truly helps to hear others say, yeah it's what it is at this point. You are both right in that guilt is a pain in the ass as it wants to be your contaant friend, and Laurajay you are right giref has limited my energy and strength on a daily basis. I still work full time, and know that I should do a little something when I get home, like go out and try to check some of the machinery or get a small mower out and running to do some property maintainance, but I have no energy and it's like I just dont give a damm. I also know what choice do I have.

I'm sure we have all had those moments, and I am there right now, where you say, I'll just lock the door and head somwhere else for a while but  it;s not realistic. I do have my brother who will help on the weekend to do some organizing and decission making on what items are worth keeping and what should be sold as it shouldnt just sit around.  I am hoping as you say, that as these items leave, I can "breath" better and not feel so laden down - I just vascillate so much,  I do need to rememebr to be kind to me no matter what.  I too had felt capable making sound decission but now doubt the ones I make. I am still going to plan on retiring next year. My husband had asked me in late October, when are "we" retiring.  At first I said, oh youre too young - he was 59 an I am 64 - but would have backtracked and said go ahead as I knew he wanted to start a small mobile businees fixing small engines - something he was good at but 59 I guess was all he got so.... I'll let myself go slow on this one.  Thanks to all for your supportive words.   (Denise )

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 16, 2016 at 9:50pm

Guilt is such a pain the ass! But once you get to the point of realizing it makes no sense simply b/c what you're trying to hold together was a "we" project rsther than one you imagined on your own. There are some things its best to let go of, if not for your physical heath but your sanity. They are what is important to fight for.

The relief of letting go of burdensome possessions allowed me to breath when I was being choked down w/grief & far more important issues ...

After some time it will feel as if it has always been this way. That allows you to know the pain in your heart & soul are healing ...

Do what you think is best, but don't fight the inevitable ...


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