Born in the 50s

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Comment by Potter 8 hours ago

Yesterday a lady who I know that is a golf pro and teaches golf here in Knoxville , came and took all my husbands golf clubs and some other stuff.  She said she would find a good home for them and was honored I thought of her for this. She already had a young man in mind for one of his golf sets.  I know Jim would have approved of this. So someone will get some good use out of his stuff. He loved to golf and he golfed up until the first of November. Died the first week in April.  That was his outlet and the guys he would golf with said they would watch to make sure he wouldn't fall when he swung his clubs. He had neuropathy in his feet and legs really bad.  They said he actually golfed better with the neuropathy, he said well thats probably because I am concentrating on standing up and not swinging.  Its sad seeing that big empty area in the garage. He had alot of stuff.  I have packed up and donating some clothes but still have a closet full and a dresser full.  I kept two bottles of his cologne and smell them everyday. Kept some gym shorts to wear and a shirt for sleep.  Its so sad for all of us. Hard hard hard.  I have a whole house to go through sometime.  I don't have a big house but it is a rancher with 33 years of stuff from attic to crawlspace.  I will need to move sometime in the next year. To much to take care of, I can't do it. We all have so much to deal with. Barbie Doll my husband was one that was all about life and what ever happened it happened you got through it and went on. Something broke ok you fixed and went on. I would panic and fret and be a nervous wreck.  So like you I am a mess with all this. Where yes he would be grieving if it were me but he probably wouldn't be a nervous mess and so stressed.  Good luck to all of you.

Comment by Joellen 9 hours ago

lizbeth4. at this point I do not know why my sister is the way she is. perhaps she is waiting for me to constantly call her instead of her calling me.  I did call her a couple times in the beginnin even had her over for dinner so I did not have to eat alone as my daugher was working... she came and we talked about Phil and tears flowed ; I went to her house once and it was strained. she has since not called at all I feel wrong or not that I am the one hurting here  I am the one who suffered a huge loss and I should not have to be the one to call all the time. so at this point in my life I do not have the time to baby her and beg her to talk to me or come over. So as my sons say it is her loss not mine. with the way she acts I am better off without her . so I try to understand that  Since you have gone 68 days with not talking to her and no move for her to call you and apologize I would guess you are not going to get one since she said some nasty things she obviously does not think they are nasty  at this point I think you are edxpecting too much from her.  ..

Comment by lizbeth4 9 hours ago

My 7 year old Grandson is spending the night with me.  Thank goodness!  He is such a joy and it makes me feel better being around him.  Joellen, 2 days after my Husband died my Sister said some pretty ugly things to me.  Our relationship has been strained for a while as she likes to get into everyone's business.  I haven't talked to her since, 68 days now.  I feel like she needs to apologize to me.  Am I asking too much of her???  Are my expectations too high?  I am trekking through this pain and finding the path without my Husband.  At this point, I think it is best that she isn't in my life!!

Comment by MyNewLife 13 hours ago

It's been six months for me this past May 10th and I haven't had the heart (or courage) to pack up his closet. I'm not ready. But now I'm going to have to do it whether I like it or not. I'm having to move out of this house by 06/15 because I can't afford it any longer. I think what I'll do is put it in boxes and move the boxes until I'm ready. It won't just be his stuff though, it'll be his tools, his diplomas on the wall, his pictures, etc. Just thinking about it makes my heart race. Sweetpea, I sleep in my husband's pj bottoms, one of his Harley t-shirts, and another shirt under my head (for the scent) every night. I know what you mean about it feeling comforting. This is too hard!

Comment by sweetpea410 14 hours ago

My Jimmy will be gone six months this Saturday.  I haven't even touched his things; they are in his closet just as he left them.  Don't know when I'll ever be able to do it.  I do wear his bathrobe at night when I'm chilly watching TV or reading.  It gives me comfort, almost like a hug from him.

Comment by Barbie Doll 17 hours ago

Yes, Terri, I know my husband would have gotten rid of my things by now too.  He would miss me terribly but he would move forward and get on with his life and I would want him to do that.  Mark was a "don't worry, be Happy" kind of guy too.  Nothing was ever a major problem for him.  If something happened, like our home burning down, he would just say "Lets fix it" and move on.  I often think our deaths should have been reversed because he would handle this with so much more grace than I am.  

Comment by Gordy's widow 18 hours ago

wow, JoEllen, I have 4 brothers and my parents first child died shortly after birth, I always thought my life would be better if I HAD that sister now, but I guess you can not assume that huh! they say family is what you make it, right now the only family I have is my MIL. I thank GOD everyday for her. 

Comment by BillsWife35 Terri 18 hours ago

Barbie: I get it.  I guess we have to guess what they would do.  I was just thinking what would he do with all of my stuff????  I think he would have my daughter go thru it all and give it all away.  I can hear him in my head "Let it go, they are only clothes."  That's his response to any dilemma I would have. He was one of those guys "Don't worry Be Happy".  :) 

Comment by Barbie Doll 18 hours ago

ugh...that's clothes horse:)  Not sure how to edit!!

Comment by Barbie Doll 18 hours ago

BillsWife/Terri, you just described my life too.  Yesterday was 17 months for me and I still hug my husbands shirts and try to smell him but the smell has gone.  I recently sent an email to his family and best friend telling them I think I'm ready to let go of some of his things if they are interested in anything.  Not many responses so I'll have to think about who to give his things to.  He was a close horse and has many expensive suits, shoes, cashmere sweaters etc.  I won't sell them, I'll find a charity but probably in the next town or two and not our hometown...just in case:)

My husband would not like to see me sad either.  I know it's killing him that I haven't moved on yet.  I keep promising him I will soon.  I also talk to my cat and she listens:)  She's 20 years old so I'm afraid she will leave me too.  

I hope we all find some joy in our lives and contentment.  That's what I really want right now, a contented heart.  

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