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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 651
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Athena53 Nov 29. 41 Replies

DATING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Patience (Diane) Oct 18. 103 Replies

Dating

Started by Nardly. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Oct 11. 14 Replies

Health problems after losing a spouse

Started by NoLongerInBergenJC. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Oct 10. 22 Replies

MOVING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Slick Jul 26. 9 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Tuesday

Bergen,

Quite the coincidence, I just came across dancing Homer Simpson dressed as Santa Claus in our closet while looking for a warm coat. It's way too funny! Just a thought, you might try finding something to help bring back happy memories to sustain you through the holidays. 

Grief has an ugly way of making us anxious about matters that can be decided upon when feeling calm ...

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on Tuesday

Well in truth, my husband used to quote Homer Simpson and say that he wanted to be stuffed and propped up in a corner as a constant reminder of our marital vows.  But that wasn't really an option.  :-)  I used to joke back that yeah, and I'd put the remote in his hand and run a constant loop of "Mythbusters" and programs about black holes.

Comment by Diane on Tuesday

I am almost 5 years out. Don died suddenly while playing racquetball with friends from work. It was traumatic for myself and my kids, our families and his many, many friends from work and outside of work. I thought it important that we all see him to absorb the shock of his death. I had a wake with an open casket (which they made me "rent") and then had him cremated. He remains on the shelf in my headboard and I love having him close. I have no idea what I will do with him but I am sure he's where he should be for now. I have talked to my kids, they understand and agree that its OK for now. Once in a while my inlaws say they want him buried, but I just say, I understand but I am not ready and they let it go. We do have a beautiful bench at a local arboretum dedicated to him. My kids and I have buried some of his ashes there on more than one occasion. People can go there, enjoy the gorgeous view, sit on the bench with his name on it and a quote we picked out for him and ponder him.

As far as grief after such a close and devastating loss I don't think it ever goes away. I just had a wonderful relationship for 10 mos with a very nice guy who was also widowed. It didn't change my grief one bit though when we broke up it did bring back some extra sadness. I am a very happy person and I enjoy my life but I don't imagine that part of me will ever stop being sad that Don is not here. Its just how it is and I felt like accepting that moved me along this journey. Peace to all.

Comment by Diane on Tuesday

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Tuesday

Ron,

It's good to see a remarried person like yourself acknowledge continued grief ...

Not only is it healthy for you, it provides options & gives hope to those who want to remain &/or adjust happily to being single for however long ...

Grief goes on in different ways no matter how we try to change our lives; it ends when it's meant to ...

Blessings ...

Comment by camsmom on Tuesday

In retrospect, I wish that my husband and I had discussed what we wanted in terms of burial and funeral. My parents had prepared and it made it easier when they passed away. Now I think that it's right up there with the discussion about having children. Have it early, do what you have to do and then have a happy and long life together.

We were preparing for retirement in a couple of years not for death! I could not have my husband cremated and I don't want to be cremated- I am at peace with my decision, as already stated everyone has to do what's right for them.

Comment by RonB on Tuesday

My late Wife planned her own funeral service :) 

She would have liked to have a dress rehersal ! (She said so - partly because she would like to see everyone who came and what was said - and partly because she was always the planner in chief of any celebration she was associated with. She wasn't a controling person; she just had a knack for it and it just happened that way. I was always amazed to see it happen with a new group. She would show up to help, and just be so sweet and helpful that others would see what she could do and ask her to do more. She would decorate till the cows came home !!!  )

She also did it for me... One daughter IS a control freak. And as you might imagine, she showed up at the funeral home and started dictating the service. -- No way. "We are going to do what Sharon asked us to, just the way she planned it." 

Comment by Slick on Tuesday

My in-laws had everything bought , paid for , and wishes planned out...it helped all 6 sons to breathe

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Tuesday

Sounds like a funeral directive included w/one's will is a good idea ...

Who knows who you will outlive ...

Comment by Athena53 on Tuesday

I have a similar plan- I'll be distributing DH's ashes in various places we loved but will reserve a small portion to keep with me and to be mingled with mine whenever my time comes, which I hope is many years from now.

 

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