Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Born in the 50s

Groups are a place to help locate folks "like you," and maybe say "hi."

Welcome to this group's coordinator:  Patience (Diane)

Members: 535
Latest Activity: 18 minutes ago

Positive Thoughts Forum Discussion

Here's a link to the Forum discussion with "positive" quotes, photos, links, etc.

http://widowedvillage.org/forum/topics/stop-by-this-forum-when-you-need-a-positive-pick-me-up

Comment Wall

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Comment by Widow59 18 minutes ago
Hello everyone the comments this past week have really hit home I am just a little over a year and coming home to an empty house is one of the hardest along with not sleeping today I realized that I wake at 3 am every morning cause my husband is still with me as that is the time I rushed him to emergency and he really never woke up after that so I wake up wave at his picture on my nightstand and try to go back to sleep I think now that I have realized this maybe sleeping will be better
Comment by Maggie 29 minutes ago
I've been reading all the posts here, even though I'm not technically in this group. As to friends and family...I have no children, but step children where there is very little contact, but it is mutual. My only family is my brother and SIL who are an hour away and we are close and they include me often.my two closest friends all along are divorced women, so it was an easy fit after my husband died. My husband and I kept to ourselves pretty much, so the couple rejection thing never applied to me anyway. As to moving, I thought I wanted to move back to Fla...get away from the sad memories etc and downsize, but thankfully when I visited for two months this winter, I saw this was not for me. I've redecorated quite a bit to make my home more "me". I have my brother near and one close friend who is a neighbor. Plus it was cheaper to stay rather than move. Home insurance in Fla is high due to hurricanes. But for me, the best part is that my other best friend in Fla. Is going to move up with me and share my home. I have a big enough home that she can have the entire basement to herself and she has a kitty which I will love. We get along well and she is kind and easy going. We say we can grow old together and be there if one of us gets ill. Neither of us are looking for another male relationship. I just simply don't feel there could ever be anyone else for me but my husband, warts and all..just the way it is. Of course, as we all know, the best laid plans......so the future is always uncertain. Bergen..I think for you, it would still be best to move. It would be an adjustment for sure, but the cons of staying in NJ outweigh the pros. I think you would like NC. It's a great place to live. I love it!
Comment by BergenJC 1 hour ago

I am a year and a half into this journey and I am still in the same house.  But now I have the Hobson's choice of:  I can either stay here in my house, where I now have a beautiful new kitchen and bath and gorgeous hardwood floors upstairs -- and stay at a job that is killing me and that gives me no leisure time where I'm not exhausted or thinking about the work I need to do...or leave and head south where the cost of living is lower and I can retire.  I have friends here, but not so many and no one that I feel I could rely on if I got sick.  One has intermittent clinical depression and everything in her life is turned into a drama, one is happily married and while she has been a good friend and takes care of my cats when I have to go away, I would not be comfortable imposing on them for things like rides to doctors on a regular basis.  Another has a separate circle in her building and is now wrapped up in her daughter's wedding.  I go to meetups where there are nice people, but again -- no one I could call if I were in desperate need.  So why stay?  Why stay in a house that's too big, pay NJ taxes and $5000/year in lawn/shrub/tree maintenance, and slowly kill myself in a job where threats and constant fear are the corporate culture?

Comment by Slick 2 hours ago

Hello LottoB! 

Damian .....I understand and agree totally..it's been almost 18 years since I lost my daughter and 4 since I lost my husband on her birthday.....no matter how aware this year I was of upcoming dates... my family noticed a month before that I was struggling....less then a week after it passed I was "OK" again..as far as moving ...I would like to downsize...I have too many empty rooms for one person....BUT...it is more economic for me to stay put...selling won't being me what my home is worth and renting an apartment which is what I would do ...so I have no worries....would cost me more...not a good financial decision...I always thought if I left here ..it would be easier ...now I feel it might be harder...I put my key in the door and am home...I am changing what I can....inexpensively....so it feels more like my home and not "our " home....and that is helping ......Melanie and Bill are in my heart always ...in there own place ..that I can live with....no matter where I am.....PEACE

Comment by LottaB 6 hours ago

Comment by LottaB 6 hours ago

Hello Everyone, How are you?

Comment by Damianino! 8 hours ago
Choosing to remain in the same house where one lost a spouse has its merits and disadvantages. On the whole for me I have come to realise that it does not matter whether you move or not. Wherever you go, your loss goes. Moving for economic reasons is different as anything less would not be wise. I stayed on in the same house and though I am made some progress - whatever that means - which came tumbling down a few weeks to the 1st Angelversirey, I seem to have reconnected with the level of progress I made prior to the emotional wreck I became at the Angelversirey. It is as if the 1st kind of makes it dawn on you that you gotta move on now. I certainly feel way way better after a week. I want to thank all of you for your posts and support. I wish you all better days of peace and serenity in your journeies as new persons.
Comment by lonelyinaz 9 hours ago
I belong to many groups but as most of my widowed friends tell me we still go home to bed alone (not if have fur babies of course) i have cnn all nite long. Hugs all around.
Comment by Juniper 13 hours ago

I so agree with you about living in a society that loves couples.  I moved to another state 18 months after my husband's death.  We both loved golf so I joined a private golf club in my new town.  Of course couples dues are less than "singles".  That irks me.  The other thing that really is frustrating is that all these helpful people want to lump me in with all the other widows at the club whether I have anything in common with them (other than a dead spouse) or not.   I don't want being a widow to define me as a person.

I'm sure this sounds shallow, but recently I also admited to myself that I miss the status of my husband.  By that I mean it felt like I got more respect when I was married.  He was well known and respected in our community.  I was so proud of him.  With him gone it was as though I no longer existed in our social circle.

Comment by Leendah 15 hours ago

I wanted to "get the hell out of Dodge" at first, move away from everything, but everyone said don't make rash decisions for a couple of years so I continued to live in my home and am glad I did.  It's my place of peace now with my animals.

 

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