Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Information

Born in the 50s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 683
Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

Discussion Forum

in-laws of deceased husband

Started by Prissy. Last reply by vintage56(barb) Oct 12. 7 Replies

I'm A Grandma!!!

Started by Susan. Last reply by Susan Oct 9. 4 Replies

DATING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by lauriesv Oct 6. 107 Replies

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Averysmom Jul 20. 67 Replies

PETS?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Seashell Jun 21. 12 Replies

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Born in the 50s to add comments!

Comment by marybarcelos 11 hours ago

Dear Irish Lady.  I understand.   I never realized how hard it was going to be with my adult children.  I have 4 sons.  It's been very difficult.  The furthest lives in Brazil, then New York and Colorado and calif.  I life in calif.  For my own sake of mind, after so much disrespect, i have just let them go.  I miss the grand kids, but I want to be healthy.  If they want a relationship with me it's up to them.  My bank has closed and moving on.  It was a hard decision by i have been able to reduce my medication.  I realize the grandchildren aren't mine, they belong to the wife's family anyway.  I do feel sad sometimes but it's better.  If you want to see your grandkids  you should go.  If your daughter wants you see her children, she needs to make an effort too.  It's about respect and honor, not even love.  the right thing to do.  

Comment by Athena53 18 hours ago

IrishLady, is there any way you could just focus on the relationship with the grandchildren?  I'm blessed- I have a wonderful relationship with DS (my only child) and DDIL, but I'm really enjoying one-on-one time with my 3-year old granddaughter because now I can take her someplace special with me.  Her favorite thing now is to go to Starbucks, where I have coffee and she has a cake pop, so it doesn't have to be flashy and expensive.  Next weekend I'll visit (3 hours away) and bring some library books I chose for her.  I'm also taking her to a place where she can sit in a toy car or plane and watch videos while they cut her hair.  (OK, THAT will cost ore than my own haircuts.)  She and I have also started taking walks around the lake where I live.  Her little sister is only 11 months old so not quite ready for these excursions but eventually she will be.

I know that these things would still require the co-operation of your daughter- do you think they might work?  It would even give your daughter a bit of a break since you'd be taking care of one of the kids. 

Comment by irishlady 18 hours ago

Gary'swife...thank you for the kind words.       Athena53...I don't know what happened to the youngest two. Older boys are not as bad.     Gunnerx2....OMG thank you! I had the best laugh when I opened your message this AM. :)

Comment by Beth yesterday
Irish Lady...I have found that we have a different relationship with each of our children. It may be time to confront your daughter head on as it sounds as if (in her
mind) she feels something is lacking in her relationship with you and the grandkids. Perhaps her view of a granny is something different than what your view is? It hurts when we are at odds with our kids and I hope you two can come to understand and appreciate one another. Hugs to you!
Comment by Gunnerx2 yesterday
Irishlady I wish we lived closer so that we could go toilet paper your daughters house on Halloween. :)
Comment by Athena53 yesterday

So... when you ask her to visit your place she says it;s too far and you accept that, but when she asks you to her place and you refuse, she posts snarky messages on FaceBook? No, she's in the wrong. I'm sorry you have to deal with this- I remember your postings around Christmas when your son got engaged and felt sorry about your relationship with him, too.

Comment by Gary'swife yesterday

@irishlady

I do not have children, so I cannot reply to your question.

However, I just wanted to let you know I read your post, and you have my sympathies.

Hugs

Comment by irishlady yesterday

Does anyone else suffer what I call "emotional blackmail". My only daughter and family live 90 minutes from me. I go to her house frequently, but she seldom comes here. It's too far, she says. Pretty sure the distance is the same either way! I go there for every birthday, every holiday....I have 3 sons with families also. Well, she invited me over for Halloween. I'm not a big Halloween person since my husband died 4 years ago AND Halloween was his birthday. she wanted me there primarily to hand out candy. when I said I didn't think I'd be up, she shut right down. I asked later is she was upset and she said NO, but immediately she posts on line..."I don't know when I will ever learn!" I KNEW that was meant for me. Well, to make a long story short, she sent me a "nasty gram"..a PM on FB. she said I never want to do anything with them,, people have told her to just stop inviting me as I always back out..not true. she said the new neighbor next to her is more of a grandmother to her youngest than I am. It went on and on attacking me. She told me how close she was with her Grandmother..my mother, and wanted that for her kids too. I explained that her grandmother lived WITH us, so of course she saw her every day and we included my Mom in everything even our trips. I said I wished her and I could have a relationship like I did with my Mom (best friends) and she said that would never happen as all I want to do is sit on my ass..she is an exercise guru. I am just feeling very low and have no siblings, no close friends and can't talk to my boys. does anyone else have these issues or is it just me. I love my daughter and she is always there for emergency things that the boys will not deal with, but on the other hand I am tired of feeling put down all the time.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on July 16, 2017 at 4:48pm

WithoutJim,

From grieving their stepfather, it sounds as if it's dawned on them that you could suddenly die, too ..

.They want to keep spending time & making memories w/you ...

That is lovely & heartwarming ...

Comment by irishlady on July 14, 2017 at 11:30am

withoutJim...Much love on this your Anniversary. I don't know what it is, but I have gone through similar things with my 4 kids. I swear my husband was the only one who held this family together. He has been gone for 4 years and I barely recognize this family anymore. My problem is my kids don't want too much of me, but not enough. I rarely see most of them, they rarely call. Grandchildren too. I feel totally forgotten some days. You would think they'd be more concerned now than before, but no. And my only daughter has chosen to move almost 2 hours away and when I told her I may look for an apartment closer to her just in case of emergency or illness on my part, it would be nice to have someone close by. Well, she told me not to hitch my wagon to her as she wants to travel In other words not be saddled with me! that was a slap in the face. wish I had answers for you, but I don't. But I sure relate. (((hugs)))

 

Members (682)

 
 
 

© 2017   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service