Are you dating? What's it like at "our" age? Have you joined a dating site? Do you NOT want to date?
Yes, I know ... but this discussion would just be for those of us in the Born in the 50s group - not everyone in Widowed Village. There are a lot of dating comments within this group, so thought it would be easier to group in one spot.
Am I dating now? No. Have I joined a dating site? No. Do I NOT want to date? Well, depends on what you mean by "date." If you mean "look for a partner", no I am not interested. I hated "dating" when I was young and I know I will not like it any better now. Also, I am just not that attracted to men my own age. Many of them that I have encountered in day-to-day life who are not married, whether due to death or divorce, are like lost souls. I heard someone once say these men are looking for "a nurse and a purse." I don't know that I would be that harsh, but there has been no one I've encountered that would appeal to me.
As for dating sites? Well, I was doing personal ads in the Village Voice when no one else was, so I'm not opposed in principle. But back in those days, responses were by actual letter, so people had to put forth a little effort to "sell themselves". I dated more than anyone I knew, and still -- when I met my husband it was through a mutual friend, just as my mother had always said it would happen. So while I know there are people who met their mates through dating sites, it seems more of a crapshoot than I want to deal with, and there are too many scammers.
Truth be told, I am pretty content with my own company and that of friends and pets. I miss hugs. I miss hugs a lot. But I have no desire to deal with old-age sex and little blue pills and trying to revive my old dried-out parts. That ship has sailed, my friends.
If someone awesome dropped into my lap and was interested in me and I was attracted to that person, well, of course I am keeping an open mind. I just do not see that ever happening.
I feel the same way! I've been widowed for a bit over a year and have absolutely NO desire for another relationship. That being said, I wouldn't mind a companion now and then, without benefits. :)
I went to a dance last Thursday (4 days ago) and met someone who wanted to come watch a movie with me. So the next day, Friday, we watched a movie and he expected more than the movie, like caressing and kissing etc. he even tried French kissing. I put a stop to it. Now I am faced with trying to figure out how to tell him to leave me alone, lose my number, and that I am not interested in him. I am 62, he is 85. That did not seem too bad since my husband was 38 years older than myself. I met my husband when I was only 15. It was love at first sight, but the age difference kept us apart. When I was 26 and newly divorced, I proposed to him because he was shy and the age difference was not Interestingly enough, both of my marriages were to men named Paul.
I just signed up for a free dating site tonight. I hope it is a place where I can find a nice guy to go dancing with, or to the movies, or to just talk with. It is called 2busy2date. It is difficult living each day alone, but I am getting used to it...yet there is a part of me that wants to go dancing or have someone to enjoy a movie with. I call it homework for my emotional health and my therapist advises it. Boy will I have a lot to tell her when I explain how inappropriate this last date was.
Thank you for your great comments. I will tell him that. he said kissing does not mean we have to go further. The problem is, i am not attracted to him and will find a way to tell him that. I kind of want a little romance in my life, if it comes along, but like stated before, being alone is ok. I was beginning to wonder if I was a little bit Gay, when it turned me off like that. I used to like kissing men, but it did not feel right. I will go to the next Thursday dance, which is in 2 days. maybe I will not see him and get to enjoy dancing with other men there. Hope i do not run into him. He offered to pick me up if I needed a ride. Today I got my drivers license renewed, after a 3 year medical suspension...so can drive myself there.
By the way, i like your handle, Slick. My big brother has that for his nick name...if you look up "Slicks Shuttle Service" in Sierra Vista Arizona, that is my brother's company.
Take care...if you want an email pen pal, you may write me at [email protected] or we can connect via Facebooking.
Good grief, don't decide you're gay because you didn't like kissing someone you weren't attracted to! Believe me, if you were gay or even bi, you would know it.
It sounds like you are not interested in this man. That is perfectly OK. You are not obligated to take a man, any man. And certainly not on his terms. Do you really need a companion with a p*nis that badly that you're willing to talk yourself into trying to negotiate a friendship with someone who made clear THE FIRST TIME YOU MET that he was all about the nookie?
Look, we're not 25 anymore. OMG, when I was 25 I was a bed-hopper extraordinaire. Then menopause hit and honey, that ship done sailed.
I don't expect everyone to be like me. I'm not sure being like me is so optimal either. I look at men my age and think "But they are OLD MEN!!!" Not interested. I am more likely to want to provide a home for an LGBT teen whose parents kicked him/her out than I am to want another man. I get that not everyone is like me. It is perfectly OK to want male companionship. But you do NOT have to accept some old horndog just because he pays attention to you. We are too old and too wise to be still thinking we're nothing without a man.
I agree with Bergen ...
There is nothing wrong with being gay ...
If you were gay, you would definitely know it by this stage of your life.
Because you're not attracted to that yucky old horn dog, it has you questioning yourself as if something is wrong with you. Grief can shatter ones self esteem; dating can compound it.
Consider loving yourself more by building your self esteem to a better height. Take your time getting to know everyone -men and women. Ask around to learn if there is a group of people/regulars who meet for coffee, breakfast, lunch, etc on off days, ask if you can join in. This will give you a better idea of who you might want to share your personal time with. Who knows, you might find a gal pal to hang with instead.
If you truly want to date, you will need to be be selective. My understanding regardless of age, all gathering places can be like meat markets and people will gossip -men included, so be careful. Try to be observant, watch the men to see how they treat women they not in a relationship with. For instance, when asking a woman to dance, who walks onto the dance floor expecting her to follow. Which men escort women onto the dance floor. After a song ends, which men escort a woman back to her chair w/a polite thank you/smile/nod of the head. Which men will get a woman a refreshment. How do they present themselves. Look for consistent behavior.
I, like my mother, unintentionally see things that burn holes in my head -cause temporary damage to my retnas. Men blowing their nose, digging in their ears, huge blackheads, picking food off their clothes or stained clothing, pants zipper down, smelling like mothballs, wearing the same clothes to every gathering, dream sand in their eyes, etc. Ick! Every time I'd check on my mother & her boyfriend (the teenagers) at the senior center, I always managed to see these things. Ugh! My mother would always say, I know grooming should be done in the bathroom. And besides, all these men were taught this in the military. Then she'd go on to call them dirty old men or whatever -that wild woman was way too funny!
BTW, since you put a stop to that crusty horn dogs antics I would think he would have gotten the hint that he offended you. I don't think you owe him an explanation. Seriously, he should be ashamed of himself! JMHO ...
Hope this helps ...
Omg. When I joined this site, I thought...hey, what the hell? Maybe I'll find some good advice, or suggestions or maybe not. No big deal! So, I'm approved as a member today and stumble across this dating topic and some terrifically wise advice from YOU, SweetMelissa!
I've been widowed for ten years. Always seems like 10 minutes. I've been 'trying' to date for several years but just can't stand anyone I've met except for an old flame I dated 40 years ago who is STILL married. Not to the same woman but still a married man and I'm sooo over that. We see each other once a year but text almost daily since we're 1500 miles apart. This past 4th of July, since I'm staying at my son's in Brooklyn and he lives 45 minutes from here, we got a room for two nights and I knew as soon as I met him in the hotel lobby it was over. 40 years of a married man is 40 years too long...since my hormones have become sluggish, the thrill is gone. I'm more interested in the companionship these days. But a man has to be classy, smell great and take care of himself. Most of the men I've met just didn't care. I'm not saying I am anybody's gift to mankind since I'm a big tall girl with tattoos and wild hair, but I've still got that old City class right down to the bone...I've joined a couple of dating sites and on three out of 4 of them, met nothing but liars including one on a "Christian" site and a language learning exchange site. Can spot those nigerian internet cafe guys pretty easily these days. And, I sound a lot like your mother these days as well! God bless her and me for our Wild Woman ways!!!!
Whether it's a tongue or a penis inserted into my body, I think they're both purdy damn intimate! :-()
Actually, I do get what you're saying about kissing; its romantic, sensual & consuming ...
At 58, men my age also look crusty & unkempt just like the older ones. I've come across guys I grew up with who have commented on my still looking good. Uh! What to say? Oh, uh, nice truck. What's your dog's name? Squint ...
My mother's last boyfriend was 82yrs old when he died, up until his death he still maintained himself & always looked quite dapper. That man was always sharply dressed and used the best scented colognes. And to think, I finally found a new cologne DH actually liked the Christmas before he died. Jeezus, trying to get him to part with his Old Spice in previous years was a tug of war, you'd think I was trying to pull out his teeth! And wouldn't you know, both our sons wear Old Spice. "Sigh"
I will be honest here: I have looked at "Plenty of Fish" a few times, not out of interest but just to see what would be out there if I were interested. And there are only two kinds of men who post well-groomed photos: Corporate types who would bore me to tears, and black men. Almost all of the black men in my area appear to be well-dressed and well-groomed. And mostly they seem like the nicest and most gentlemanly among a sea of biker guys,Grizzly Adamses, and just plain zhlubs. I would have no issues dating someone of another race. A bigger stumbling block for me would be religion. I am not a Christian and will never be one so a devout man would not be suitable for me.
Oh, man, ain't that the truth? Why do men think that women will get a good first impression by them talking about lingerie and high heels? Name me one woman who wants to go to sleep in corsets and garters and teddies. You know what women want to sleep in? Nice soft jammies. You know what women want to do with high heels? Kick them off. Especially when we get north of 50. I'm sorry, but a 60-year-old in a corset and garters is pretty darn ludicrous.
It is truly an education reading this stuff. I give credit to guys who put effort into actually writing what they like, but if you're going to write "Heads turn when she walks into the room", then don't bitch about how you aren't meeting anyone, because most of us don't look like supermodels. Or even like Susan Sarandon.
Look, I admit to being shallow. I like a good-looking man as much as the next person. And for 30 years I was lucky to have one who had no idea how handsome he was. But I'm not JUST about shallow, and I'm smart enough to realize that drop-dead chiseled handsome is out of my league at this point. Men in this age group don't seem to realize that.
It's good for me to do this exercise every now and then, it reminds me how content I am in a life filled with good friends and interesting activities. And comfy jammies. :-)
Bergen & Slick,
The problem with too many men is they think they're in a Built-A-Bear toy store ...
Jerk offs dismiss the 100% fact women are human beings!
They also forget to mention what they will provide for all the perks they believe they're entitled to, deserving of. Can you imagine one of these guys drooling at a computer while composing his profile (?), as he allows his imagination to run wild -who knows what else he's doing. Yuk! At the same time, many want a cook, laundress, camper, hunter, house keeper and who knows what else in a corset, crotchless panties & stilettos.
I've been hit on by men of all ages including babies in their 20s, they're all nasty! I don't flirt, I'm under 5' w/long graying hair & a muffin top. The only attribute I have is muscular legs, both calves & thighs - horrible looking in a short dress w/heels -He-Man from the waist down. Let's face it, men & women alike, look at physical features first, however, men look at the carnal parts of a woman whereas women look at their eyes or hair or something completely different.
I find it amusing in a snarky way when I get the impression men think that because I'm short I can be picked up or rammed on top. If not that, then it's the legs -do they really think I can/will clamp onto to their body or penis to squeeze it tightly. In their dreams!!! Ignore these space cadets ...
The absolute truth is call girls, prostitutes, madames, swingers, sex kittens & the sexually indiscriminate do retire from their active life style. They also want companionship in their chapter 2. They may be the ones who contact the horn dogs as well as be willing to wear & do all the things on the list. Look at Mae West, she still thought of herself as a sex goddess into her 80s -the queen of show very little. Her last movie was Sextette at the age of 85. MW's mother was a former corset model, aunt was a corset maker.
"I don't like myself. I am crazy about myself." Mae West ...