I posted this on Facebook but wanted to get feedback here too.
Has anyone used any dating apps?
Have you had any success using them?
Which ones are the best?
Any feedback you want to share.
I tried OurTime and the pickings weren't really great- it seemed that every day they'd shuffle the deck of guys in my area/age range and deal 10 off the top as my "matches" even though most were guys with whom I had almost nothing in common. I'm now trading e-mails with a guy from Match.com, where the selection is better although they sometimes seem to ignore my preferences and I get a bit frustrated at guys my age or older (65) who are looking for women who 8 years or more younger. I also don't know if they read my note unless I pay extra- so no answer may mean he's not interested, OR he doesn't have a paid membership so he can't read it- just knows he has a message.
If this fails I'll terminate my paid membership (already took down all my info on the freebie OurTime profile) and check e-Harmony, which asks a lot of very good questions and uses the answers to determine matches, but won't let you see pictures unless you have a paid membership.
My impression of some of the others (Plentyoffish, Tinder) is that they're for hookups- not what I want at all. When I was listing stuff on Craigslist as I was decluttering I idly browsed the Men Seeking Women ads and some were so explicit they made my hair curl! Not gonna use that site, either.
I’ve tried eharmony—hated it. Same with match.com, catholicmatch.com. Have had much better results with Bumble.
Mike, I tried Our Time and found myself communicating with someone from Nigeria or other country. They used a translator app. To sort them out, I'd ask if they had ever been to my favorite coffee house nearby and if they'd like to meet for coffee. That's when I was sure they weren't for real. Photo shopped pictures, etc. And then there were the horny guys! LOL. So I quit that site.
Then I tried E-harmony. Paid a ridiculous amount of money to have a secure site match me. The guy they found for me was in his late 50's, lived in an apartment with his mom and was a couch potato. In my bio, not once did I give any indication that this was my dream mate. Plus, he looked like an overweight hippie who hasn't had a decent haircut in years sporting a tiedyed tshirt. Kid you not. I got a refund on some of my money with threats of legal involvement. I'm not on there either.
I volunteer with an arts and humanities organization and my political party and hope that a nice guy that shares my interests will materialize.
Mike, If I'm not mistaken, you live in a rural area, like I do. I remember some of your earlier posts about finding others who share same interests, etc, and when Meetup.com was mentioned, you said that there was nothing close by. Well, to the point of your question, since you may live in a rural area, have you tried Farmers Only? I'm not a farmer, but I do live in a rural area surrounded by farming, as well as medium sized towns within an hour's drive. I really didn't want to find a city guy, and as it turned out, I am not ready for ANY guy at this point. I signed up 6 weeks ago, thinking that it would be nice just to have some male company for movies, exploring etc, but for me, NOT a new spouse, bed buddy or anything serious. I am only 8 months without my Rick. I did some online flirting, but it was an eye opener for me, and it made me realize I am SO not ready for what most of the guys were looking for, so I removed my profile and cancelled my subscription. I also stopped going to Meetups, since I still work full time, and I can only get to one Meetup per month, so I didn't feel like I could get to know anyone for companionship with such little time I could offer.
Now with that said, everyone moves through their grief at their own speed. I thought I was ready for something very casual, but boy was I wrong. However, if I ever get to the point that I feel emotionally ready to have anyone else in my life, even just for companionship, I would go back to FarmersOnly. At least the people who sign up there seem to have an understanding of rural life, of living 'in the sticks' , driving one hour each way for a good dinner, and are OK with not having cell-phone service 24/7. Just my own experience, for what it's worth.
I want to thank everyone who replied. I’m not sure I am ready to date yet but have not had many opportunities to meet anyone in the “traditional” ways. I was curious as to how people felt about using dating apps. Obviously people have had a variety of experiences, mostly negative. I am hoping to hear from some men in the group too to see if they have a different perspective. Everywhere I go it’s couples or people far too young for me. I am 61. My wife was seven years older but it worked for us. I think a five year difference either way is about right for me. I am sorry for the ladies who met sleezy guys. It makes us all look bad.
Again thank you to all who responded.
Mike, can I add a few suggestions on your profile, wherever it is? First, make sure most of your pictures are relaxed and smiling. Include more than one picture and at least one that shows your full body. (I saw a profile on OurTime in which the guy had a VERY wide face and described his body type as "lean and toned". Yeah, right.) Pictures of your boat, your car, your pets, or scenery on your vacation do not count! Include enough words about yourself that someone can get to know you. Not "I like outdoors, horseshoes and tractors" or "I like to ride my Harley", both of which I've seen. Nothing added.
I was encouraged to see 3 guys I knew in real life on Match.com. No chemistry with any of them so I didn;t pursue it, but at least 3 guys are who they say they are. And there are sleazy women, too. Apparently there's a subset that consider Match.com a source of free dinners at very nice places.
Thanks Athena, I appreciate it.
Mike, I hope you have a successful experience. The sleazy guys give these sites a bad name. Since we know you to be sincere and a nice guy, I hope a nice lady will make a good match with you. No one will ever as perfect as your wife so set the barre a little lower. I made the mistake of comparison shopping and. of course, I failed. One of the most important things real women look for in a man is a good sense of humor and the other being a good listener.
I have never tried them. I was with my husband since I was in my 20's and never even really "dated" anyone. I would be a nervous wreck. I do wish though, at times, I had someone to have a dinner with, someone nice to talk to. I heard of a lot of people meeting others at church or church functions. I really don't go to church regularly.... I'm not sure if you do.
LostansSad, I’m not sure I’m ready to do any of this yet and I would also be a nervous wreck. I have not dated for over thirty years. I’m not going to let that stop me if I ever am ever ready to date again. I have had to do so many things outside my comfort zone this would be just one more to add to the list. Life is short and I don’t want to be lonely for whatever time is left. Right now I’m considering all my options. Being alone is not one of them.
I wish you all the best.
I am sorry for all of us who are members of this group.
I'm so sorry for all of us too. It's a way of life I never imagined. Ever. I thought we'd grow old together. Miss so many things, coffee in the morning, just something as simple as watching a movie together. My family is very small. I pretty much have nobody to lean on or count on for anything, so it's a drastic change in every which way.
I know what you mean about having to do so many things out of your comfort zone. Pretty much the same here. Ugh!! I don't want to be alone forever either. I sit and watch everyone do fun things with their spouses or boyfriend/girlfriends.... just makes me sad.
A hopeful update- yesterday I had coffee with a guy I met on Match.com. He looked like his pictures. We had a great discussion. I don't' think he was an axe-murderer. I think he was interested enough in me to get together again and I let him know I was interested in meeting again, but now I've left the ball in his court. If no response in a few days I'll touch base with him (through Match) but it will end there. If he doesn't respond I'll e disappointed but not heartbroken.
I'm relieved to have gotten through the mental roadblock of the first date. I was a nervous wreck yesterday AM. I'm happy to see there are (apparently) decent men in my age group who are available- this one was divorced 8 years ago. Unfortunately, this meeting has REALLY driven home that I'd like to have a good man in my life but I don't want to be desperate and make bad choices.