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Are you dating? What's it like at "our" age?  Have you joined a dating site? Do you NOT want to date?

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I'd be leery of someone who wanted to "come watch a movie" ... But not in a theatre. My perception is that he'd be looking for something else... Maybe I'm wrong. One man asked me if I'd heard of the new theaters w seats that redline... For comfort.. I was not thrilled with that suggestion too...

I am new to this site and am finding my way around. I thought I would see how others felt on this topic and I see some similarities in how I feel. I would love an occasional companion to go to dinners, events, etc., but am not interested in anything beyond that. I am widowed a year and four months and the loneliness does work on me at times.

BergenJC, I really do not need a purse or a nurse, but it would be nice to have a friend that would be sweet to talk with on occasion. She would be really cool if she could fix me a sandwich ever now an then. I was listening to song that Olivia Newton John was singing last night. In the song she stated it's okay to put your troubles on my shoulder.

Now this is how I see it, I need her shoulder to cry on, and she would be welcome to cry on mine while dancing in the dark. She could leave purse at home.

David
I just read your post....sure comforts me about the being able to cry on her shoulder n she is able to cry on yours! Yes I'm bored n I'm reading a lot, n it is helping me cope with this process I'm going through. Thx
BergenJC --- the last two paragraphs of your post are my thoughts on the matter also. But I also agree with parts of David1980. My good friend (also a widow) started dating about 10 months after her husband died. She met a super nice man who had been widowed for years. They are enjoying going out to dinner and weekends together. I am happy to see her happy. But I also see the complications this brings to her life. She is independent and is trying to combine that with submitting (not a good word, but all I could think of) to the ideas and schedule of another person. But I guess this is no different from the start of any relationship, is it? I know that I am not ready to tackle a new person in my life. If it happens OK, if it doesn't that is OK too. A year ago, I wouldn't even have said that. All along something inside kept telling me that I had to start over by myself. I have learned lessons that I can't even put into words. So I continue on my path --- as do all of you. Keep sharing your lives, it helps.

I have no idea where anyone got the idea that I'm sitting in judgment on anyone.  For those who want another partner, good for you!  For those who have found one, good for you!  What struck me, and I was willing to give benefit of the doubt, was the wording of the original post, which COULD be construed as saying that those who do not want another partner are "stuck in grief" for the one who is gone.  And I thank the OP for confirming what I had decided to assume.

Look, I am 60 years old.  I have battled with my weight since I was a child, and my weight wins every damn time.  I spent my youth knowing that at 4'10" tall and constantly obsessing about every morsel of food I put into my mouth, that I did not and could not conform to what society and the young men who lived in it found attractive.  I simply got phenomenally lucky in 1983 when a gorgeous, funny man who had no idea how gorgeous and funny he was decided I was his soulmate.  Yes, things got difficult, and I now believe it was because he was suffering brain damage on a fairly regular basis.  But the truth is that I will never be able to duplicate those good times, and I do not WANT to duplicate those bad times.  For me, NOT having to feel that I have to, or even want to, find someone else gives me a freedom to not give a s#!t that I never had when I was single and young.  And hoo-boy, is that ever giving me a sense of freedom that I never, ever had in my life.

I never say never, of course.  But I was a weird, quirky kid who grew into a weird, quirky adult and is now a weird, quirky crone.  I simply cannot imagine that there is anyone else out there who has the same weird, quirky worldview that I do.  It took long enough to find one.

Brilliant!! I too, was a "weird quirky kid who grew into a weird quirky adult and am now a "weird quirky "aging gal...(hate that crone title. For some reason it reminds me of a Shakespearean witch with warts on her nose...) I'm tired of fighting with every morsel of food myself. Although I am 6 foot tall, I will NEVER EVER be Barbie! Enough!! I'm brave enough these days to say "Take it or leave it. I'm going to enjoy this ride and you're welcome to come along if you're game. I'm sweet, easy going and love to laugh. If that ain't enough for you...see ya!!"

Dianne...I have tried dating and although I am not opposed to it in the future if the right person comes along I am using this time of my life to get to know myself. I am a "relationship" person and I prefer knowing the man as a friend first. I don't like dating and the games that come along with it. I prefer being myself and found that when I did try meeting someone through a dating site it was a challenge for me. I realized when dating this person that he wanted to be accepted for himself because he didn't want to change but wanted me to change to fit into his mold of what he wanted me to be. 

I’m 59 years old. Cindy passed a little over three years ago. We were married 27-1/2 years. Dating has gone fine overall. I’ve met women through introductions, online and through different social groups. For a variety of reasons, I decided to drop the online dating and I no longer accept introductions. Dating at this age is certainly easier than it was when I was young. I have the confidence that comes from a lifetime full of experiences, from being happily married for 27-1/2 years and from being on this earth for 59 years. I do feel good about myself and I am grateful for that. My children encourage me to date. It seems to be more important to them than it is to me. I am grateful for their support and encouragement. Cindy made jokes to me about my dating if I she should ever pass. This included two weeks before she passed away unexpectedly. That does help me. 

 

I do think that there is a lot to be said about widows and widowers dating each other. Typically, there aren’t the issues about feeling threatened by the memories of and the love for the late spouse. Although, some non-widowed people do feel comfortable and confident in that department. This is all such a learning experience. Sometimes, we do have to take chances even when things don’t work out. Hopefully, there isn’t much heartache involved. And these experiences lead us to having a better idea of who we are and what we want. This is a whole new life in so many ways.

 

Date if you want to. Don’t if you don’t want to. Don’t feel pressure from others to date or recouple. Take a break from dating when you want to. Don’t settle for the first person that comes along. Get to know yourself and what is most important to you. If you do decide to date, I hope that you will meet kind people and that you will have fun.

I like this post! :-)

Thanks, Mac!

WV is one of the best places to discuss these issues. Everyone of us has a unique background and the situations vary. The widowed seem to me to be my favorite information source.

Ellen left me a long letter I found after she passed. In the letter she informed me to remarry. Here's what I have reasoned in all of these changing events. The top nine people that I loved in the family are all deceased. These were people that I felt truly loved me. The way I see it is this family was my flow chart of my life. We moved together to assist each other.

In short I have to build that in myself with the memories of yesterday. That changes a lot of thoughts about dating, as well as many other aspects of my life. This is why I say widowhood is a very complex subject. When I read the posts I see an unraveling of so much variables to each of our lives. It is impossible to place one formula fits all. These changes take immense amount of time.

I do pray that one day I find a friend that her and I can help each other walk it together.

David
Hi Slick, I agree with you folks about online dating. It is not appealing for me at all. There are so many phonies today that I would be skeptical about dating online. This reminds me of a t-shirt I saw the other day. I only caught a glance, however it stated something along these lines.

Wouldn't it be nice if our lives were as great as some post on their fb page. I think a percent of individuals over rate themselves in social media settings. I do not get too much of that feeling from this site.

David

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