Are you dating? What's it like at "our" age? Have you joined a dating site? Do you NOT want to date?
Slick & Nolonger, I agree with you both. I'm 66 and it's 6 yrs this past Oct 15. I got into a relationship at 1-1/2 yrs, which lasted 3-1/2 yrs BUT should never have gone that long - lots of red flags that I ignored & wouldn't have if I'd been in right mind. Anyway been on one date since in Jan. which was over in one hour, no connection nothing. I'm also very independent & do many things on my own or with the few girlfriends I have. I started riding a motorcycle at 62 & having a great time. As far as dating, I've not met anyone that I'm interested in. I can't imagine meeting anyone that will love me heart & soul like my sweet Randy did. We were like peanut butter & jelly. I do know that this grief will always be with me until the day I die - just like the love of Randy will be with me. My wish for all of us here is contentment in our lives. I haven't posted much however do read a lot & WV has been a great help. Thank you.
Hi Lex......well said....I am approaching the 6 year mark.....and my dating was tried early on...at maybe the 2-3 year mark....I believe the best thing that I could have done was stopped and got used to being alone, with me, and those who I am close to.....because now I can...and don't have that God awful feeling that I was going to die if I was alone another minute....now I can be..I like it...so the fact that no one has come my way that I am interested in is OK..If God , in His time brings a companion to my life again...that would be nice, if it's not meant to be that's Ok too...it's not the biggest part of my life anymore....I take one day at a time...have peace in my heart...and go on..in a happy contented way as I see fit...I also believe grief will be with me until my days are over....I am a multiple loss survivor and multiple trauma survivor.....so I am who I am....accept me ...don't hurt people....and still have a lot of love in my heart to give....doesn't mean it has to be given to a man......it is given to my family , a few friends I have been lucky to reconnect with...and those in need...
I joined a dating site about a year and a half after my wife passed away from ALS. It was strange at first. Replied to a few profiles but no replies. I think a lot of them on there are just there for attention, or to maybe boost their ego. Then after talking with a lady that responded, women get a lot of replies and some are weird, some married etc. Anyway dated a few ladies over the course of a couple of months and am now "in a relationship". It was very strange at first. Like I was cheating on my wife. Tainting her memory, stuff like that. I'm 63 and I guess I don't want to be alone anymore. I live by myself out in the country, no children, just my cat Bucky. Now a woman I "think I love" is living with me. She is so sweet, kind, affectionate. I feel very fortunate to have her in my life. I just hope I'm not just replacing my wife with another woman. We were together 25 years. The last three I was her caretaker. So it is nice to have someone do for me some. But when I think will I ever marry again, right now I say no. I have a plot beside my wife, my name is on her headstone and I feel like that's where I should be one day. Is anyone going through anything like this?
Not going through that because I am not dating, but I do get that "cheating on the spouse" thing. I don't think I could have anyone more than just an occasional friend in my life for just that reason. In my case, I am the only person in the whole world who even cares that my husband ever existed. He didn't like his own family and they are all dead too. He didn't want anything to do with my family. He didn't have lasting friendships except one, and he lived a long distance away so they mostly just corresponded by e-mail for a long time. So it is a torch that I feel I must carry. There is no scenario I can imagine where I could have someone else in my life who is that close. I am leaving a bequest for whomever is my executor to pay for a trip to Jamaica to bury my ashes in the Caribbean sea off of Negril, because that is what I am going to do with my husband's ashes next year at the 5 year mark. There are no right and wrong answers to this question, it is whatever works for you, and it seems that you have found someone else to share the rest of your days with. Nothing wrong with that.
Brianne posted this response in the Widowed in 2013 group. It has some valuable safety tips for those who are just venturing into the online dating sites, so I asked for her permission to share it in other dating-related discussions here in the Village:
I am happy to share my experience on Match. I was careful to protect myself, first and foremost. I created a new email account which would not reveal my name. This is easy to create on Gmail. That was the email account I used on Match so that all communications from Match went to that email instead of my personal email. I also did not use my real name in the profile. In my profile comments I was honest as I wanted to find someone who closely aligned to myself. I had initially thought that finding someone who was also widowed would make it easier. I indicated my status as widowed. In my comments I did say that I had a long, 39 year marriage and was looking for someone who also had experience of a long relationship. I said that as our past experience makes us who we are today, I wanted to be able to speak freely of my past and expected who I met would also be free to talk about their spouse. For me it was important to include I wanted someone who was financially stable as I heard from widows who indicated men chased them for their money. When someone contacted me and I felt we may have something in common from their profile comments, I made arrangements to meet at very busy coffee places like Starbucks, in a district not close to my home. In my case I could park in the Walmart parking lot and walk over to Starbucks. I used my profile name in that first meeting. I never gave out my phone number. Some men asked for it so that they could text me in case they were late but I resisted, again to protect myself. By using a 'persona' I didn't feel like they could find me if they turned out to be a risky person. I honestly never met anyone who I was scared of. I met some very nice men and after coffee we would both be honest on whether we wanted a second date. Dave, who I am with now was the 10th man I met for coffee. We sent messages back and forth thru Match until we realized we knew people in common and then we exchanged email addresses and continued to talk every other day for a month before we met. I never revealed my true identity until we were going to meet. He fully understood why I used another name. I know that everyone has a different experience but for me it has worked. I am in love for the last time in my life.