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I am in a perpetual bad mood. So much so that when I truly find something funny or enjoyable, which isn’t often, I am surprised. When my husband was alive we would commiserate on the state of our world and the things going on that we couldn’t tolerate. Now I still feel that way, even more so, and don’t have him to validate my feelings that the world is going to he** in a handbasket. 

It is the absurdity that is all around us that people seem to take in stride. In wonder why, and how, they can do that when I cannot. 
Is it that the future is even worse without my partner in it?

I would love to meet someone and have a new companion, but I don't feel that will happen for me with this mindset. Who wants a grump puss? I wouldn’t blame them.

Anyone else struggle with these feelings?

Peace to all of us. 

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Replies to This Discussion

Tess, I can't agree with you more.  My hubby and I used to talk for hours about such things. We'd discuss current events, political issues, sports and books were reading.  Sometimes it would become a heated debate but it sure was good getting it all out.  The few guys I've met and attempted to have serious discussions with were scared off.  I guess they just want a little woman to be a bobble head.  I just can't be that person.  Yes, there is anger in me as well.  My pets hate when I rant.

Suzan

I hear that Tess. I’m just ambivalent about everything. I’ve tried to even go on a couple of lunch dates but it’s exhausting. Telling and retelling stories that my Sandi and I shared with ease. We were very connected in every way. I know that can’t be repeated and it just adds to my lack of interest in anything. Lots of folks here understand and have found new loves. I’m just not anywhere near that point. My best friend still is sleep. 
peace

Oh wow!!!  Me too!  I have to watch myself 24/7.....  I cannot be completely happy for even one day....for one thing....Am I ever asked what my feelings are about something? 

nope...not relevant! amazing!......to go from "what do you think mom or grandma?" To smirks when I express myself....not always, but, enough

sooo, yes.....my mood is not good most days........i just need one person to have a back and forth with and respect each other's viewpoint ....Lost that when my husband died and my sister 3 years earlier.

Tess

I lost my husband 12/17/19, we were married for 45 years.  He died without any warning.

We spent hours discussing everything under the sun.  He was my best friend and now he is gone.  Am I mad?  I am furious and find little joy in life.  We are supposed to be in Mexico right now.  We were so connected and I feel that most of me died when he did.  I am an empty shell, and so unhappy.   

How can I ever expect to find someone like my Rick?  I can't.  I don't think I will ever be happy again, and I understand your pain and anger.  I don't think anyone would want me feeling as I do.  The anger is simmering inside me.  Why was he taken?  Why him?  I am so pissed off and so very, very sad.

Good luck to all.

Ultra2015, I think that you hit it on the head when you said shared with ease. I don't want anything to be forced. As you said, it's exhausting. I would love tis situation to be just a temporary sleep that will change. Unfortunately it does not.

Barzan, the pets have heard it all! I feel so badly for them. They would probably run away from me if given a chance : (

Sadderbytheday, that's a huge part of it. I don't want my daughter to ever see how downtrodden and in such a miserable mood I am. She never would understand.

Riskybiz, you have my deepest condolences. I often think of that situation, of couples that have plans that never come to fruition. It is heartbreaking, but yes, the injustice of it all makes you downright pissed off. You have a right.

Tess,

I understand about your daughter, I feel the same ways with my sons.  I hate the looks of pity, and they just don't understand there is no time table for grief.  I dread birthdays and holidays.  And weekends.  And doing everything by myself.  I miss our conversations, everything.  

There are so many reminders, no matter where you go or what you did it was always with him or her.  A restaurant, a play, a song there is always a reminder.  I don't need any m ore reminders.

Best wishes for all.  I just take one day at a time.

       Tess...You are not alone. I lost my husband 7 years ago. My soulmate.I only take one day at a time.I dream that I want to go back in time. I force myself to keep busy. I am tired of people telling me that I was blessed to have had such a wonderful with my husband. That is gone and the only way that I get through each day is to put one foot in front of the other and pray. I Just wish  family and friends would just understand but they just don't get it. We do and that is why we are here. Know that I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.  Teacher50

No, family and friends do not get it.  I had a "friend" text me before Christmas that not everyone was blessed with such wonderful memories.  Oh yeah?? That just made me want to run out in the street and start singing Joy To The World!!  I'm sorry, but, having 57 years of wonderful Christmas' with family, children and grandchildren and friends kinda makes me want to quit Christmas!! Last year, at my son's, I felt lost....like an outsider looking in.

just try to find joy where I can....my dog, my garden, the birds and butterflies..  my smart-ass daughter asked me recently "mom, how old do you have to be to start feeding the birds?" I did a fake laugh

*Raises hand.*

I have days when I just want to commit all the Bill Murray methods of suicide in Groundhog Day, knowing full well that tomorrow is going to be nothing more than another re-run of today [I recall waking the morning of Week 10 and thinking to myself: "Ten f*ckin' weeks! It might as well be ten millennia!"]; other days, I think I'm definitely going to Heaven because I'm in Hell right now...and then I have those days when I seem to be at an even  keel--and for those days, I am grateful.

Thanks for your honesty, Tess. It's been only 8 1/2 years for me.

Oh, Tess! I hear you loud and clear!

The world is going insane, and Gilbert isn't here to talk to about it. The kids aren't interested. Gilbert was so good to talk to. I watch the news now and talk out loud to him. "Gilbert! Did you see that?" I'm turning into the neighborhood crazy lady. I do think the future seems worse because our person isn't here anymore.

I tried dating a couple of times, but the men were just too much work. They didn't bring anything useful into the conversation. They were boring. And I was a huge grump puss, I'm sure.

I wish we could all get together in person and just talk about things. It would be such a relief.

Peace to all of us. Yes.

Tess:  I am 6.5 years out and I really do appreciate this site.  I was hooked up with someone at the time and we are still in contact.  I appreciate my pen pal. We share moments of anguish and anniversaries.  We share moments of appreciation of our "aloneness".  We "chat" from time to time.  Not being alone is best for me.

I feel the world has gone to hell in a hand basket but I'm not  sure its the same hand basket as you.  

I have come to accept there may be no new companion.  And I'm ok with that.  I hope you find some peace within.  I'm not a religious person, so I don't mean in that way.  If I can be of some help, in a non-religious, non political way, please feel free to contact me: My name is Gale, email [email protected] and I'm not sure how to post this so here goes.

Hello All,  This group's member, Roxi, lives in Northern Italy.  She and I have grown a strong friendship via email.  I'm asking all of you in joining me to keep her near our hearts that she will be safe from the coronavirus.  For those of you who pray, please send one her way.

On another note, being "alone" is far better than meeting someone who will never measure up to the one you've lost.  It wouldn't be fair to either one of you.  Best scenario is to meet a "friend" of the other sex for social interactions.  I've yet to find one but haven't really looked either.  I'm going to venture out to our senior center eventually and see if there are any contenders.

I am so glad that the major painful holidays are behind us for a while.  Warmer weather is on its way and morning walks help to ease the blues.  In June, it will be 9 years for me.  I can't believe its been that long because I don't miss him any less.  He'll always be my North star.  

Everyone, please take be kind to yourselves.  I send hugs to all.

Suzan

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