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I am in a perpetual bad mood. So much so that when I truly find something funny or enjoyable, which isn’t often, I am surprised. When my husband was alive we would commiserate on the state of our world and the things going on that we couldn’t tolerate. Now I still feel that way, even more so, and don’t have him to validate my feelings that the world is going to he** in a handbasket. 

It is the absurdity that is all around us that people seem to take in stride. In wonder why, and how, they can do that when I cannot. 
Is it that the future is even worse without my partner in it?

I would love to meet someone and have a new companion, but I don't feel that will happen for me with this mindset. Who wants a grump puss? I wouldn’t blame them.

Anyone else struggle with these feelings?

Peace to all of us. 

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Replies to This Discussion

Oh, the stories everyone has shared are so helpful and I am grateful I will be able to come back to this post.

I am so new to this (husband 'moved to paradise mid-March of this year after losing a brief battle with cancer). 

I am aware and deeply feel the tremendous loss of my soulmate/confidant/travel buddy/MLB seatmate and so many other ways we wove our life together. I also struggle trying to imagine there is anyone else that I will connect with on all those levels.

Peace and wellness to all!

Peace and wellness to you all -  Serendi, Riskybiz, and Ultra2015. We have so many emotions floating in our heads, multiple ones in a day, or even minutes. No one can understand but us. There are some feelings that we don't even recognize because we haven't had to deal with our current situations before. I don't know if there is an answer except to accept who we are and what we feel at present.

  • Ciao Tess you're right...i'm feeling so many different emotions...in minutes...!! I'm feeling that maybe i can overcome my pain...and after suddenly i'm crying remember him smiling .i am on a rollcoaster of emotions ...

Sometimes i believe i am healing, sometimes i believe there is no way out !!  Sad and tired but glad that i am not alone! Hugs Roxi

  

I am into my sixth month, still sleeping on the couch, can't bear even looking at the bed.  Between his death and the virus I am deeply saddened.  I wondered if anyone else has this problem:  my son called me last night and is insisting I become more social, and to get out of the house.  He thinks I am retreating into myself, which I am.  I feel like a wounded animal and I just want to go to my "den" and lick my wounds.   I keep busy and the crying is somewhat better but I just don't want to see anyone.  Anyone else feel like this?  Good thoughts to all, and stay safe.

Riskybiz

You have to do grief your own way. I know family and friends think they have The answers, until they face the sadness themselves. You do it your way and a little peace will find you, in your own time. 
hugs

Hi Tess, I can identify with everything you have said. I lost my soulmate on January 21,2018. We had had a rough few years, financially, we had just moved in to our new home. It was a beautiful place, we were finally going to be able to relax and enjoy the rest of our lives....together.My husband had been sick with what we thought was the flu. Ten days after we moved , I was finally able to get him to go to the er. That was thelast day I would ever be happy again. He was diagnosed a few days later, on my birthday with stage 4 lung cancer that has also spread to his liver. There was no time to figure anything out,nothing. He died 20 days later. I am still so devastated. We were true, soulmates. We could also talk for hours on any subject, we were best friends. Its been two and a half years. Gone is our dream home, and any hopes and dreams for our future. I'm still hurt, scared,empty, lonely and mostly mad that he is gone. I did try dating someone, big mistake. It taught me that I'm no where near ready for that. Some days fly by, others seem to last forever. I try to focus on the positives. I know that he would be here if he could. I have my dog, and my beautiful horse that my husband bought for me.She is the best material possession he ever gave me. I cherish the memories, I grieve the loss, but try to find joy. I have made changes that Mike would be proud of me for, and that makes me happy. And yeah, most of our friends disappeared after the funeral. This is the saddest, loneliest place to be. This is a jumbled up post I know. I hope that you will find some moments of peace. Know that you were and still are loved by your hubby,that will never change. You will see him again, and then you will be forever together. Lots of love to all of us that are in this "club" that we had no choice in joining. 

Hopesmom, I am so sorry you didn't get a chance to enjoy your new home together. It seems so unfair to you both. I am so glad you have your beautiful horse. I love your picture.

We have to cherish our memories of our loved one's. It seems it's all we have until, if it happens, we find someone to make new memories with.

I wish you peace. Sending you hugs.

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