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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

   Like many of you, I don't work any more. I'm educated, financially stable, no kids, healthy and very active. I am taking and have taken classes, both online and in person, gone to meet-ups, gone to activities. I have friends and family I see for movies and dinner but most of them work and are busy during the day. I travel when I can, with groups and friends, but that's an occasional activity.

So, what to do during the day? Now that I'm alone, I'm going crazy. Please don't tell me to volunteer, work at church or some other thing you are not doing but which sounds like a good idea. Those are good suggestions and I've tried some of them but they require getting out, affirmatively meeting strangers and essentially driving places on my own,  doing things on my own and hoping things "click." It gets old, but I know I can't stay home and talk to the dogs. 

What are YOU doing to keep busy during the day? That is, ACTUALLY doing, not just what you think sounds like a good suggestion.


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Like you I'm educated, financially fine, no kids ever, healthy and active. So, a little background. I retired 11/17. We always lived in Ca.  2/18 we moved to Az. He suffered a fatal  heart attack 8/18. I hardly knew anyone, just a few neighbors-slightly. So, my grief counselor MADE me reach out to those neighbors who offered help to me. This was to build my "village". Hard for a introvert. Now, 13 months later this is my weekly life.

WEEK DAYS: First, every morning once I get up I contact 2 widow friends, as we all have no kids. It's always how did you sleep? It's the text to make sure we are all ok, but really to not feel so alone. Then I get on my elliptical for 40 minutes. Monday, Tuesday, Friday I go to yoga at 8:45 for an hour. Thursday morning at 8 my neighbor Julia and I go to Starbucks for about 90 minutes to chat. Friday morning early, my neighbor Marge and I got for a 2 mile walk. The usual clean the house, grocery shop, laundry, but the days differ. I read a lot, but I also DVR a lot of shows and watch TV. Yard work is always out there, depending on my mood. Every 4 weeks on Wednesday mornings its color and cut my hair. Every 5-6 weeks its a facial, and she is in my extended village now and we always do lunch before the facial.

NIGHTS: Every Wednesday night another couple have me for dinner. Once a month, on a Tuesday I go with Marge to a book club. Once a month I go to my group grief death of a spouse meeting, and once a month she has a free grief workshop. These are on Thursdays. Otherwise I'm always home at night.

Weekends on either Saturday or Sunday now I spend the whole day with a friend who became a widow 1/19. We hike, shop, swim, movie theater, or sit and talk. 

I found the weekends were the hardest, and very lonely. It is easier to rebuild new structure during weekdays. 

For me -I'll never volunteer, and church is not something we ever did in 39 years of marriage.  I hope to travel again, but this first year I just like to be home. 

 Lastly, my neighbor, who is young, with 3 kids lost her husband 2/19 after gallbladder surgery. So, she texts or drops by at all different times to talk, and decompress. I just want to be hear to listen, and support. 

Maybe something above will click for you. 



On a side note, I'm originally from Klamath, and my dad lives in Central Point


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