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Born in the 50s

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Giving Myself a Panic Attack

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The hardest time of day

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Deja Vu all over again?

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Problems with moving

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Comment Wall


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Comment by shirley on February 24, 2012 at 6:20pm

Bogie77 it seems that often the people we think are going to be there for us end up doing just the opposite. Your post made me think of me calling my sister after my LH was diagnosed and that was pretty much the last time i ever talked to her because she never called or came over while he was sick or made it to the memorial. It's such a heartbreak. I feel your pain and offer ((hugs))

Comment by bogie77 (Donna) on February 24, 2012 at 5:51pm

After a little over a year, I finally started to feel like I was "navigating my own course" again, not just waiting for things to happen to me and then reacting to them. 

Then my mother informed me this week that she has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  As bad as I feel that she's sick and that she has a rough journey ahead of her, I feel a bit selfish.  My first thought was remembering the journey I took with Andy.  She's going to the same cancer center that he went to, to the same places he went for tests and procedures.  It brings up a whole lot of tough memories.  And, I hate to say it, but my mother hasn't always been there for me.  She was widowed at 49.  I was widowed at 51.  I would have thought that there was no one else in the world better equipped to help me travel this rough road than her.  She calls my daughter to ask her how I'm doing but she never calls me directly.  She says that I have enough to deal with!  Well, yes, I do, but you could help me with that! 

I have amazing friends and family who have really helped me along this path, but I would have thought she would be at the top of my list of helpers.  I guess that's not to be.  I hate feeling this way, especially since she's sick.  But I just can't change the way I feel.  Too much history involved. 

Comment by Nancyfc on February 23, 2012 at 11:23pm

Paula Rene - I'm so sorry to hear your recent ups and downs with you friend and your Mom.  Please take care of yourself first. Sometimes it seems like all we hear about is death. I too have a best friend who is from kindergarten. What a blessing it is. I have no other living relatives - well except very very distant ones, so I know how frustrating it is to have "no one". But your friend has you, and I"m sure many other people who love her too.

You need to put yourself first just to be able to deal with your situation and your health. It's not selfish, it's survival. If you are able, try to pamper yourself a little bit. Even a hot bath as opposed to a quick shower can be a luxury.

God Bless and prayers for you,



Comment by Annette in MS on February 23, 2012 at 6:43pm

Paula Rene,  You have so much going on.  I just don't think I could be strong for anyone else right now.  Be sure to take care of yourself.  None of us are 22 anymore.  I will keep you in my prayers.

Comment by MissingCB on February 19, 2012 at 6:39pm

Thanks Annette.  On top of it all, I am dealing w/my own health issues but dare not say anything to my mother or she'll end up in the hospital to divert the attention from me to herself.  I am having more tests on Wed. but my best friend growing up since Kindergarten's mom passed away Friday and I am going out of town for her mom's funeral.  She is truly all alone, her brother died two years ago, her dad died when we were in 3rd grade and her mom has had dementia, some days not knowing who she was, for the past 7 years.  I am putting my life on hold till Wed. to be with her out of town.  It is breaking my heart.  Despite all my heartache, I have children and look forward to the day I have grandchildren and she never had children, neices or nephews, no one except a handful of girlfriends from elementary school.  I guess it it times like these that I count my blessings.

Comment by Annette in MS on February 19, 2012 at 3:01pm

Paula Rene,  I am so sorry you are on this path.  Being alone is hard enough without dealing with this situation with your mom.  Be strong.  Know that there are people out there who love you.  I hope you get the physical and emotional support you deserve.  Hugs to you.

Comment by MissingCB on February 16, 2012 at 6:25pm

Thanks Shirley!  It has just been a terrible week.  I ended up in the ER yesterday w/intestinal issues and of course, my doctor wants to blame it on stress.  I am starting over w/a new Gastroenterologist tomorrow.  I have got to get healthy & back to work and quit putting everyone else ahead of me.  When my husband died, my mother (not his but mine) went into the hospital faking dementia and telling everyone her husband died.  She had been divorced 42 years.  She is a big part of the reason I have never had time to grieve. 

Comment by shirley on February 16, 2012 at 2:21pm

Paula Rene I am sorry for what you are going through. There are several (if not many) here who have or had issues with their moms and it's a very painful process. Your pity party was just part of getting through it. Take care ((hugs)).

Comment by MissingCB on February 16, 2012 at 12:02pm

Thanks freddieb for your support!  Sorry I am so delayed in responding.  My mother has been a major problem plus I wanted to avoid any discussion of Valentine's Day.  Just wanted to pretend it didn't exist.  My mom needs inpatient psychiatric treatment but ended up getting outpatient which they expected me to take her to 5 days a week in another town, 4 45 minute trips.  I tried but she fought me the whole time.  She made it to 4 sessions then on Monday refused to go.  I have two sisters who will not help, one is supportive and one is abusive to me (just like my mother).  She refused to get in the car on Monday so I called the hospital and told them I couldn't do it anymore.  I feel such guilt.  Then, on Valentine's Day, I met w/my own therapist who told me that (in a much nicer way than how I am going to tell it) my mother is incapable of loving me, never has and never will and I need to give up on her and stop putting myself through the torture of her angry outbursts and just make one of my sisters take over.  Kinda still hurts that even my own mother doesn't love me, the person who loved me more than himself is gone, etc.  So had one monstrous pity party which lasted till this morning when I realized I am just further behind.  This website has helped me so much! 

Comment by pattie112108 on February 16, 2012 at 8:12am

I haven't been here either.  But I agree with you, it does bring back memories.  My David wasn't a big flower or card person, but the last couple of years that he was with me he changed, at least with the cards, always got one.  What was nice this year was my 17 year old grandson called and wished me Happy Valentines day, he has never done that before, guess he is growing up.


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