Born in the 50s

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Comment by Annette in MS on March 15, 2012 at 1:33am

Dorothy,  If your husband didn't have a will, you need to immediately retain the best attorney you can afford.  Best of luck to you.

Comment by freddieb on March 15, 2012 at 12:26am

Oh yes, the money factor.  I don't know how Walter's daughter thought that a man who had been on disability for the last 13 years of his life was supposed to have a windfall of money just waiting for HER after he died.  She asked me about $$ as soon as her airplane landed, practically. Then she informed me that she'd had to ask money from her co-workers so that she and her daughter could come out here because she knows her dad would've wanted them to both to come.  So, I gave her some money for that.  She didn't mention the fact that she had promised her dad more than once that she would come see him or send her daughter out to visit us when he was alive and needed to see her and she never did.  It broke his heart.  When I explained to her the situation and that we almost lost our home because of Walter's medical bills and $400 in medications every month, she decided to wait until after the funeral and ask me again - then she told her aunts that she knew her dad had left her some money and I just wouldn't give it to her.  I was very proud that they told her that if her dad had left her some money the insurance company would contact her because that meant he would've named her as a beneficiary. They also told her that as his wife I was entitled to whatever he had because no one but me had taken care of him while he was ill . It made me sick, literally.  Once my bills were settled so I wouldn't be homeless, I sent her some money as a gift in memory of her dad and that was the last I heard from her because I let her know that I was NOT the bank and this was ONLY because I loved her father.  The only thing Walter had asked me to do was to send her daughter, his granddaughter some money each semester when she went to college for the first two years, and I have now completed that obligation to her.  I actually feel free now that I have kept my word to him, but I do not want to ever hear from his daughter again because she was so callous and insensitive to the fact that I was burying my husband, her father.  All she thought about was money.  Thanks for listening. I've wanted to say that for a long time. :)

Comment by Letha on March 14, 2012 at 10:30pm

It always amazes me that at a time when family should pull together, so many are ripped apart. It happened when my MIL died. Michael and his sister didn't speak for the last ten years of his life due to fights from that time. Now that same sister has come forward to inform me of things she wants now that Michael is gone. Hate to tell her, but she isn't getting anything.

Comment by Dorothy on March 14, 2012 at 11:24am

Paula,

(((((HUGS)))))

I hear ya and  what thanks did we ge hugh?

A kick in the teeth.

Just try  and stay strong and don't worry bout them.

We never had a will so I am not knowing what to expect out of them.

Oh well  I  guess i will deal with  what ever comes.

Take Care!!!

Dorothy  

 

Comment by Mary99 on March 14, 2012 at 11:00am

Sad to say, even if you had "left it alone", they would have come out of the woodwork when he passed.  It most likely has very little to do with you and everything to do with their own poor character.  My BIL told me just yesterday that when his wife's best friend's dad died, the four siblings contested the will to the extent that they ended up using the entire million dollar inheritance to pay all the attorneys.  It's greed and pettiness.  And you may have to resign yourself to the fact that you won't be done with these people until they've squeezed you dry (emotionally as well as financially). 

Keep your chin up, lean on trusted friends and family members - and make sure you have a better lawyer than they do.

Comment by Paula Rene on March 14, 2012 at 10:33am

Freddie & Dorothy,

I guess blood is thicker than water.  Unfortunately, even my "blood" is bad.  Not only did my stepson sue me because his father disinherited him (left him $1 in his will) but in the 3rd lawsuit, my husband's brother joined him in the lawsuit (he had no rights under the will or trust to anything, he just joined my stepson in his fights).  The brother-in-law threatened to report me to Child Protective Services for child abuse if I didn't give my stepson money (and was stupid enough to write and tell me this in a letter) but none of that matters to our Courts.  The two just get on the stand and lie away.  Then I accidentally called my husband's sister about a year ago thinking it was my friend b/c I had only put the first name in and she starts ranting and raving about how I killed my husband and these "lawsuits" were to prove that. 

I would love to never see or hear from my husband's family, his son and his son's children who are now adults and as children were juvenile delinquents so I am terrified of what they are today being raised to hate me b/c I am the cause of all their financial problems.

Even though these people have done all this to me, it hurts because I have always gone out of my way to help others including them.  My stepson was already an adult w/a child of his own when my husband and I married and was completely estranged from my husband.  He was also estranged from his siblings but I worked for years to try to restore those relationships.  I wished I had left it alone.

Comment by Dorothy on March 14, 2012 at 10:00am

Thank you sooo very much freddieb.

I'm glad to hear I am not alone.

My 3 adult sons and grandkids was closer to my hubby than his  was.

They all clung to their mom.

They blame me but my whole family can tell you I tried to encurage him to see them.

She is deceased also..

I have my 2 sons living here with me now so I'm not alone.

Although some days especially nights I really feel so alone..

(((((HUGS)))))

Dorothy

 

Comment by freddieb on March 13, 2012 at 11:29pm

Dorothy,

I'm sorry about your step-children.   You were in their life for a long time, 24 years? I used to wonder too how could people be apart of my life, call me "sis" and be family one minute and then be gone the next.  My husband's family has all but disappeared over these past 3 years.  His brother and sisters kept in contact with me for a year, but it was like they had decided as a family to keep in touch with me for one year only because I haven't heard from them at all in the past two years, even though I've sent cards and pictures of my grandchildren.  So, I gave up and just accepted it and I didn't send them any cards last Christmas because I was starting to feel from their silence that they didn't really care anymore.  I don't have any hard feelings now though because I know that Walter was all we really had in common.  I also think that being around me made them miss him more and I know they felt guilty because when Walter was sick they were not there for him.  They couldn't "handle' seeing him in that condition and so it was me and my children helping me carry the load as best they could.  His daughter lives in another State and she never came to see him the entire time, for 3 years.  She would just call him to complain about her problems and he'd have to tell her that he couldn't handle it because he was too ill himself.  I haven't heard from her since two months after he died. I'm glad I have my children and friends because if I didn't I would be very sad right now. 

Comment by Dorothy on March 13, 2012 at 9:06pm

 

Thanks Paula,

 

I am sorry for your getting  hurt also.

My hubbys kids never came around and seen their dad that much.

 So I am thinking they are really feeling guilty now.

But I will do ok without them.

I don't think they ever liked me that well anyways.

(((((HUGS)))))

Dorothy

 

Comment by Paula Rene on March 13, 2012 at 6:20pm

Dorothy,

I am so sorry for your hurt.  I can share your pain.  I just pray I don't experience that w/my son and daughter-in-law but feel I might.  My son got married on Dec. 30th of last year.  I was financially strapped but through the power of prayer was able to pull off the most phenomenal rehearsal dinner ever--long story.  However, it fell on my birthday, which was completely ignored.  Although etiquette no longer requires it, the bride and her family insisted on inviting the house party, their dates, the bride's out of town guests, etc.  Sixty people.  The bride's mother said they would pay for her out of town family members.  I didn't invite mine. 

To help w/costs, I offered to print the wedding invitations, programs, all printing b/c my deceased husband owned a printing business and I could use our discounts.  I saved them hundreds of dollars.  I asked if I could proofread the invitations but the bride ran out of time so I took the disc to my printer.  Imagine my surprise and hurt when I picked up the product and was not even mentioned.  And, the mother of the bride insisted on deviating from etiquette by having her first name written out instead of Mr. & Mrs. Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter.  Instead it said Dick & Jane Smith . . .

And apparently my son was hatched b/c my name was not mentioned nor was his deceased father's.  I finally said something to my son who got mad at me b/c his fiancee can do no wrong.  Her mother then insisted that the invitations be reprinted (b/c I also told a friend in the church how hurt I was) but we ran out of time.  I think she only offered to reprint them b/c she did not want to look bad to the people in the church.

It is so unbelievable how heartless and insensitive people can be.  They had a shower for the bride at the church that my son and she grew up in and refused to let me invite any of my friends.

The wedding ended up being beautiful but of the 250 guests invited, I was allowed 40, which included my family members and my daughter who was a bridesmaid.    How do you think I am going to rate when it comes time for holidays, grandbabies, etc.

Again, I am so sorry.  I don't know what is wrong with this younger generation.  They certainly want our help & money when they need it.

Paula

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