Born in the 50s

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Comment by Diane on July 26, 2012 at 7:47am

Mary99 that is a wonderful post...Aug 1 will be 6 months here and tomorrow is Don's 61st birthday.  I feel as bad for my MIL as I do for my kids and me.  Your post put some perspective on it all.  "All you can do is cry and just believe that it'll get better.  Slowly, oh so slowly.  But it will."  That's hope and that's exactly what we all need.  Thank you!

Comment by Mary99 on July 25, 2012 at 11:34pm

Oh Grace, I am so sorry.  I remember my first birthday; I was only 2 months out.  I'm not big on celebrating birthdays, they're no big deal.  The only people I ever expected to remember was my husband and my MIL.  And then he wasn't there.  My kids paid more attentaion to me that day, but that just made it seem all the more obvious that he wasn't there.

I cried a lot that day, heck at two months I cried a lot every day.  I can't even tell you what I did that day.  I just know that eventually it was over and I could crawl into my bed. 

At four months it's all still fresh and it doesn't take much to trigger the tears and the pain.  All you can do is cry and just believe that it'll get better.  Slowly, oh so slowly.  But it will.

You'll be in my prayers. 

Comment by grace28 on July 25, 2012 at 11:01pm

My Birthday is next week! My friends are rallying around for the big day. Some coming from Florida to NJ. Doesn't anyone realize that I don't want to celebrate it? I'll be 4 mos out 8/4 and my BD is 8/3. I don't know how to handle this. Maybe if I cry for a week before my BD, I'll be all cried out by then. I have found that approach helpful with other things.Even my 86 yr old Father is asking me what I want to do for my BD. I can only look at him and wonder why my Hubby is gone>> Gotta find a way to deal with this.

Comment by freddieb on July 25, 2012 at 12:47am

I just learned that the young lady I spoke about this week passed away.  I am so sad for her family.   

Comment by Cristina on July 24, 2012 at 11:21pm

Carol, you are awesome.  You speak for so many of us.  And, I love this place, too.  The power of the human spirit resounds here.  Thank you for sharing your honest wisdom, well, thank you to everyone for doing that.  We will carry on.  It will get better. 

Comment by Ccdague on July 24, 2012 at 11:08pm

Thank you each for your comments and encouragement.some days the words are easily found...some days I struggle to find them. I always know that you will know what I mean. I love this group of sisters and brothers

Comment by Joyce on July 23, 2012 at 11:49pm

Oh Carol, what a great post.  I miss Tom with every fiber of my being but I know he is not in pain and suffering anymore and I'm glad for that.  This site has been such a lifesaver for me and I too am grateful for those who have helped me on this journey and hope I have helped and will continue to try to help others.

Comment by bogie77 (Donna) on July 23, 2012 at 8:55pm

CCdague, what a wonderful post. 

We'd all like to have our loved ones back, of course, but I'm at peace knowing that Andy is now at peace and no longer suffering from his form of cancer. 

And it's a great tribute to those who have helped us in this journey when we can then pay it forward and help the next generation of widows and widowers.  I'm so grateful to those who have gone before me who stick around in these forums and in my in-person widows & widowers group.  I've come so far in the last 18 months and the majority of my healing has been because of them.  So, thank you, to those who have gone before me and are still here helping me!

Comment by emptyheart on July 23, 2012 at 6:08pm

How eloquent Ccdague!  What you have expressed is what many of us feel, I believe. Your words have helped me greatly.  This site is a real gift to those of us going  through the pain of losing someone near and dear.  Thank you so much for sharing with us all.

Comment by lovie on July 23, 2012 at 5:34pm

Ccdague, such a touching and beautiful post. I think when we are able to "gently guide someone fresher in their sorrow'" that we are helping ourselves heal sooner. Four months is still so fresh for you and yet you think of others. It speaks boldly of your character. Your unconditional love for Denny is so evident as you write. Wishing you peace and comfort as you heal.  Tiffany

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