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Latest Activity: yesterday
Hi Grace, my first birthday without Walter I was in a fog. My family took me to dinner and for the whole month friends made sure that I was not alone because they knew that any quiet moment would be so sad for me. So, I had many lunches and dinners with friends. I cried all the time back then and just about anything could trigger the tears so it was hard to even think about a "Happy Birthday". I don't know how I go through it, but I know that when I look back on it now, I am grateful that they were all there for me. My daughter did make sure to ask me what I wanted to do because she was grieving too and no one really wanted a big joyous celebration as if I hadn't just buried my husband a few months before. For me, just having the family take me to dinner and having one-on-one lunches or seeing a movie with friends was good. Walter died on January 6, 2009 and my birthday is August 9th. It was hard too because his birthday is July 30th and our birthdays were always celebrated from his birthday to mine. I know you will get through this 1st just like we all have and I am glad that youare blessed to have people in your life who want to show their love and support for you. And, because they love you, I'm sure they will want to celebrate in a way that is comfortable for you.
@Grace, I agree that you just need to tell everyone clearly and plainly what you want and what you don't want to do on your birthday. My mother was widowed at 49. I was in my mid-20's and I had no idea what widowhood was like. I threw her a surprise party when she turned 50 about six months after my stepfather died suddenly and unexpectedly. In hindsight, that was a stupid idea, but I didn't know any better at the time. Your family & friends just don't want you to be alone and crying all day. They want to be there for you. Remember to be grateful . . . not everyone has that support. I'm not saying you should do something you don't want to do, just to please them. Just remember how important their love and support is. Then firmly tell them what you will and won't do on YOUR birthday.
My first few months, I would cry the whole way to work, then put on my "happy face" 5 minutes before I got to the office and just make it through the day, whatever it took. I also got hit with a lot of firsts in a short period of time. He died 12/31/10. February, Valentine's Day. Two weeks later was our 30th wedding anniversary. Then from April to June, it was his birthday, my birthday, mothers day and fathers day. I couldn't wait until June was over!
My 62-year-old co-worker lost his 94-year-old father last week. He came back to work today. He was okay this morning, but then this afternoon, he broke down. He told me that he had thought a LOT about me in the last week. He's having a tough time focusing and he just can't figure out how I'm still getting through each day. I hate that he lost his father, but I think he now understands a little more about my pain and my loss.
I'm having foot surgery next week and am really dreading it. Not the surgery itself...but not having Andre' there to hold my hand. These are the times that I truly miss him...
Same here.....Andre' passed away the day before our eldest grandsons birthday.....4 days before our youngest grandsons birthday...and 12 days before our middle grandson's birthday.....I think the worse for me was our 30 year anniversary was 2 months later. Now my firsts will be over on August 12....it will be one year. The firsts are so difficult....glad mine will be done. ((((Hugs))))
Grace, I see you are in a similar situation. - sort of. I say celebrate - it is what you husband would want you to. Cry, because that is how you feel! I found myself laughing and crying at the same time yesterday. Very odd, but no so very unpleasant. Maybe that will be the norm for awhile. I know it will change. I sometimes just bide my time. Celebrate your life FOR YOUR HUSBAND!! of course if you can. If you can't, you can't. It's ok.
Cathy, I too wonder why my father, 81 yrs, survied and not my hubby, 60 years. His 61st bday was hard, but I got family together to celebrate. We all celebrated our bdays, and especially mine and my hubby. My Bday is 9/13 and the one year anniv of his passing is 9/18. I really don't know how to prepare. Can anyone make suggestions?
Grace, I think everyone just wants to do something for you, and they don't know what. Birthdays are normally a reason to celebrate, so that's what they're thinking. You should just tell them you'd rather down play the day, be up front with what you want. Don't totally ignore it, but don't go all out either. I left town on my last bday, stayed with friends, we made dinner, watched movies, hiked, just ordinary stuff. But it was nice to acknowledge it in some way.
Today would have been my husbands 65th, I'm having a harder time with his day than mine. Just got done celebrating my Dad's 90th, and I wonder why he made it so far and not Doug. That is life, it doesn't always go as we want it to, but it keeps going, and we do too.
Mary99 that is a wonderful post...Aug 1 will be 6 months here and tomorrow is Don's 61st birthday. I feel as bad for my MIL as I do for my kids and me. Your post put some perspective on it all. "All you can do is cry and just believe that it'll get better. Slowly, oh so slowly. But it will." That's hope and that's exactly what we all need. Thank you!
Oh Grace, I am so sorry. I remember my first birthday; I was only 2 months out. I'm not big on celebrating birthdays, they're no big deal. The only people I ever expected to remember was my husband and my MIL. And then he wasn't there. My kids paid more attentaion to me that day, but that just made it seem all the more obvious that he wasn't there.
I cried a lot that day, heck at two months I cried a lot every day. I can't even tell you what I did that day. I just know that eventually it was over and I could crawl into my bed.
At four months it's all still fresh and it doesn't take much to trigger the tears and the pain. All you can do is cry and just believe that it'll get better. Slowly, oh so slowly. But it will.
You'll be in my prayers.
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