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Born in the 50s

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Members: 683
Latest Activity: Nov 14

Discussion Forum

I'm A Grandma!!!

Started by Susan. Last reply by Susan Nov 7. 9 Replies

in-laws of deceased husband

Started by Prissy. Last reply by vintage56(barb) Oct 12. 7 Replies


Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by lauriesv Oct 6. 107 Replies


Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Averysmom Jul 20. 67 Replies


Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Seashell Jun 21. 12 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Susan on April 12, 2017 at 1:12pm


    Please try and have a wonderful time. :-)


Comment by Athena53 on April 12, 2017 at 5:47am

I don't know if travel by retired people is still defined as "vacation", but I just printed out my boarding passes for tomorrow's flights and I feel like I need one! Still recovering from a cold I got from my delightful granddaughters a week ago, and spent yesterday AM at a Doc in the Box because I was paranoid about it turning into pneumonia on my trip (well, I DID develop pneumonia after a cold once- 20 years ago!). Doc wasn't the least but excited about my case but I now have a supply of antibiotics if I get worse- I'm headed for Central America on a small-ship cruise with no doctor. This morning I found that the drippy nose I had in the middle of the night was actually a nosebleed. Eeuw.

Also still recovering from a labrum (shoulder muscle) tear that happened when I was ice skating a couple of months ago and thought I was Kristi Yamaguchi. It will limt my kayaking a bit.

Then, last night, I completed a 3-mile bike race for our local corporate athletic competition (I compete as a retiree) and got confused about the course and had to slow down to ask the course attendants- I've done this race 3 times already! Better than riding an extra lap or being disqualified for not completing the course, but bad for my time. Doc, BTW, said it was OK to do the race.

If the airlines co-operate, I'll have plenty of natural beauty, sunshine, snorkeling, paddleboarding, bird-watching, kayaking- and a free-flowing wine supply in a couple of days. My husband, bless him, knew that I booked this last October when we knew he had little time left. Bless him, he was happy for me. Some of his ashes will go into the Panama Canal.

Comment by Seashell on April 10, 2017 at 8:37am

Thank you SweetMellisa. Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary since Jerry's passing. I am hopeful that I will be able to totally lay this day aside. It follows only 4 days after the birth of our last grandchild who just turned 4 this year. I can look at my grandson's birthday with happiness now and mark his years as a positive thing. Today I am reminded that this is the last day that he was held by his grandfather. Tomorrow, too, shall pass...

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 8, 2017 at 2:03am

Hi Seashell,

That business of losing time was just another little aggravation ...

I came to find I was moving slower than normal. Not matter if I set my clock ahead, showered before bed, set out clothes for the next day - I just wasn't able to keep time. My mind was always pre-occupied w/grief processing in the shadows while operating in slow motion. It eventually goes away. Now I'm 15-20 minutes early everywhere I go, its annoying b/c I have to entertain myself.

Every year that passed was different as well as unexpected. My grief ended a couple of years ago - no more sadness, crying or being in a funk. From the the beginning of 2017 till last month I kept thinking I was missing something or had forgotten something very important. As it turns out, in a few weeks it will be Bob's 10th anniversay. I almost can't believe it's going on a decade. Time seems like it's running faster w/so many things I actually want to do, see & experience.

Comment by Seashell on April 4, 2017 at 11:51am

Thank you all for comments. I still wear Jerry's bathrobe since it is lighter weight than mine. When I used to feel down after he passed away I would wrap myself in it at night. When my house gets cold - yes, I admit it - I do wear it over my clothes!

I have a question for those of you who may have experienced this or know of someone who has. I can be on time or early in getting ready for work in the morning but by the time I get into my car I find that I am 15 minutes behind. It seems as though since Jerry passed away I have lost 15 minutes out of a 24 hour period.

I attended a seminar a few months back where the man conducting it showed us the deep in the belly heart-wrenching sobs of grief. I went away knowing - that yes - I, too, can grieve.Our society places a timeline on grief but it goes far beyond that. At first, to me, grieving felt like the peeling off the layers of an onion. Today, it is the wave as it rolls up along the shoreline. It hits - sometimes softly - sometimes with great force. I had been doing pretty well in my grieving until about a week ago when it hit me suddenly and fast. I am nearing the 4th anniversary of Jerry's passing and did not expect to be hit so hard. It was as though I was back to shortly after Jerry died. I was this way for a week. One week later I heard the words "I want you smiling and happy again" come into my mind. I knew then that Jerry wanted to see me happy and smiling. Once again, I began finding things to smile at and with that happiness - as I know it - returned.

Comment by Heartbroken Spirit on April 3, 2017 at 3:45pm
Thank you, Strono1 for your comforting words. I will check out your Facebook page. It is wonderful that you wrote a book about grief. Rick passed away after a courageous battle with cancer. I know he is at peace but I feel cheated of extra years with him. Retirement would have been so much fun for him. I have my own journey but he will always be in my heart. You are an inspiration. Blessings to you!!
Comment by Strono1 on April 3, 2017 at 3:20pm

Dear Heartbroken Spirit,

I am so sorry that you have had so much loss. Grief is like a game of Chutes and Ladders. You make a little progress up the ladder,and then back down the chute to start all over. It has been 5 years for me since I lost my dad and husband two weeks apart. My mom died 3 years before them and they all died on Fridays. I am glad you have support from family and friends. That is so important. I also am blessed with amazing family and friends. By all accounts people think I am doing well five years later and for the most part I am but at the end of the day I am still without my husband and I still miss our life together so very much.

I did all the research I could about grief. I read many books. I even wrote a book about grief because I felt so many people in our society do not know how to respond to grief and that can be hurtful for us grievers. You can check out my Facebook page Please Bring Soup to learn about my book and also take a look at the articles I post. I am getting good feedback. I believe it helps to connect with stories about grief that accurately describe the pain we feel.

Hoping you are finding some moments of peace.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on April 3, 2017 at 2:21pm

@Seashell:  Oh yes, me too.  I used to refer to my husband as "The Bathrobe" because when he was out of work, if the weather was cold, he would walk around all day in his navy blue velour bathrobe (he always had one, when one would wear out, we'd get him another one).  He was fully dressed, but instead of putting on a sweater he'd put on a bathrobe, and it would make me nuts, because to me being around the house in anything smacking of nightclothes all day = depression.  I work from home now, and every morning I shower and get dressed, because otherwise I feel like I am a depressed person even though I'm not.  I used to say my goal in life was to outlive my husband.  A lot of that was because he was clueless about the logistics of life, but some of it was that I desperately needed some time alone in my house and so rarely got it because he had no friends to hang out with.

I think we all feel that way sometimes if we are honest with ourselves.  A friend says she has been angry since her husband retired and while I think "You should be glad you have him", I don't say anything, because I remember that exasperated feeling.

I think it's important to be honest with ourselves.  We CAN miss them terribly and still admit that sometimes they drove us crazy.

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on April 3, 2017 at 11:08am

Seashell, I could see my Tom saying something very similair

Comment by Heartbroken Spirit on April 3, 2017 at 11:06am
This is my first time posting. It has been helpful and comforting to read all the comments and discussions. My husband passed away in November 2015. He was only 60 years old. I have three adult children in their 20's and thank God I have them. Some days I feel strong but sometimes my life seems surreal. I feel like I am living in a parallel universe. Does the anger and hurt ever go away? I have wonderful support from family and friends but I am still trying to make sense of my loss. I am 60 years old and know I need to embrace life. I have made great strides but then I get hit with such sadness - it can be overwhelming. Faith does help but I lost my father in 2009, my mother in 2012 and then Rick in 2015. Too much!!!!

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