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Born in the 50s

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Members: 713
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by TCHA Mar 29. 78 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Companionship

Started by Tess. Last reply by Beansy Feb 9. 21 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Muns on January 12, 2018 at 9:22am

Thank you all who responded to my post.  I am fortunate to believe in God and the power of prayer, my daughter does not.  I also find comfort in the fact my Steve was re baptized by our wonderful pastor a week or so before his death.  I have a stronger faith now since that day.  My husband was so peaceful after that instead of being angry about dying. 

Besides this group, I have a wonderful support system here in the Phoenix area and a wonderful sister in California.  My daughter will be moving back to Arizona when school gets out the end of May.

I did get some counseling before the holidays and I learned some coping tools.  What helps me the most is to look at my glass half full instead of empty.  Steve was my second marriage and so loving.  My first was verbally abusive and volatile.  Of coarse Steve and I  had our bantering back and forth, just like most married couples, but we weren't mean to each other and we enjoyed each other's company.  I am grateful that I was fortunate enough to marry such a good man and to have him for as long as I did.  A lot of women don't get that second chance at love.

So the pain is still awful and I miss him like crazy but I am a survivor.  I know now from reading your posts the pain will never go away, it will get better.  Thanks again.     

Comment by riverside on January 12, 2018 at 5:43am

Muns, I feel you pain.  I lost my husband very unexpectedly 2 months ago, while we were vacationing in California. At dinner time, we had a good time with friends, then two hours later, boom, he was gone.   We both worked hard and then retired in 2011, started to enjoy life with lots of travelling. Now the essential part of me is no longer exist, the pain is unspeakable and it is 24/7.  Hope we can support each other here.  

  

Comment by Slick on January 12, 2018 at 5:22am

My dear Muns....My heart feels such sorrow for you and your daughter.....God be with you both , and bring all of His peace to your hearts.....I'm so sorry I have no words...to comfort you....may peace find you...

Comment by Lev on January 12, 2018 at 12:03am

Dear Mums

it took some time for me to digest your story and your daughters.  

a load upon a load.  Nothing luck about that. absolutely nothing.

Sending you hugs on a ray of sunshine. Thinking of you and your daughter.

I share all the sentiments that Barzan posted earlier.

Lavona

Comment by LadyAva on January 11, 2018 at 1:49pm

Hello Group, 

I joined a second GriefShare group this week. This group is at a different location. It's been almost 8 months since my Moses passed away. I've moved to a new apartment about 40 mins away. Today I cried because he's  not in my new place with me. At least I'm sleeping since I've moved. I'm happy for support from this group.

Comment by Barzan on January 11, 2018 at 11:53am

Hello Muns,  I just read your post.  That is absolutely devastating for both you and your daughter.  I cannot offer words of encouragement that would adequately reflect what you are going through.  Please keep posting on here with whatever is on you mind or in your heart.  We are all here to lift each other up and be there for you.  If you haven't joined a grief counseling group yet, I strongly encourage you to do so.  They can help het you over some of the hurdles on coping.  

God bless you and keep us posted on how you are doing because we are on the same journey.

Comment by Muns on January 11, 2018 at 8:02am

This will be my first comment although I joined this group and have been reading your comments for some time.  One day at a time.  Such simple words but that is how I am surviving this journey.  My husband Steve and I had our own business and worked together side by side till we retired in 2014.  He started not feeling well last March and was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 4/6/2017.  He faded away very quickly and passed away the morning of 4/22.  I get tired of hearing from well wishers how lucky we were because he did not suffer.  I don't feel lucky.  We were married 23 years and we did everything together. 

My daughter from Utah visited us right before Steve started not feeling well.  She came with my two granddaughters 4 and 6 at the time.  When she arrived home her husband Jesse, 37, was not feeling well.  In April he ended up in ICU with a colloid cyst in his brain.  He passed away 4/13, a week before Steve, leaving her with two little girls to raise.  I couldn't be there for her because I was taking care of my husband.   

On a more positive note, your comments and blogs are a comfort knowing I am not alone. We all have our story to tell and I learn so much from all of you. They helped tremendously over the holidays.  A friend, a widow, suggested I join Soaring Spirits back in April  It's the best advice I have gotten since I lost my Steve.

Comment by CarLady on January 11, 2018 at 7:37am

Hi Lev and NancyD - I’m also in that stable wondering if I can find a horse to ride after the old barn burned to the ground.  It may be that we need to find a new ride rather than expecting to pick up where we left off at some point in the past.  I need to figure out who I am now, and what I want for my future years alone - my choices, likes and dislikes were influenced by what was best for others, but now I have to decide everything on my own.  It’s daunting, and the realization that I don’t know who I am or what I like has shaken me.  I’m glad I gave everything I had to my DH while I was lucky enough to have him, but I completely lost myself somewhere along that journey. I’ve made tons of decisions and changes in the past 4years since his passing, it’s becoming easier with time. Last year I pushed myself to renovate the house and retired from my long-time career a couple of weeks ago in December.  I figured I might as well face these big changes now while I’m youngish (62) and healthy instead of waiting until they were forced on me - I wanted it to be my choice.  Let’s hope there’s happy trails ahead for all of us.  Hugs. 

Comment by NancyD on January 11, 2018 at 7:07am

I love that metaphor, Lev: "I am struggling to get back on to the horse that I put into the stable so that I could be present for my husband 100%.  I am not a robot so there are no on/off switches."  That describes me and my life perfectly.  I am so grateful I was able to be there for my husband through his illness but I wonder what happened to riding my own horse!  I also look back at the last year and wonder how I made it through each day so calmly.  I did realize even then that I had shifted into a robot-like, efficiency mode. Trying to find my "self" again is a big task.  I learn from all of you here to be gentle and calm with myself as I attempt it. One day at time. 

Comment by Lev on January 10, 2018 at 12:03pm

Hi Prissy.  I identify with your reflection about your life and your present way of being.  

I tell myself that I am exhaling. Quietly.  I am struggling to get back on to the horse that I put into the stable so that I could be present for my husband 100%.  I am not a robot so there are no on/off switches. 

What I have found to be very useful is to do some very interesting online courses with FUTURELEARN...it is free and a quiet yet interesting and stimulating way to connect with people across the globe.  

To my friends whose first response is to say "I'm so busy". I have found a way to erase that from our conversation by asking, "how are you doing aside from being very busy at being busy?".   

Iknow that they've not had the experience of taking care of their husbands or anyone else around the clock. 

Watching ones husband fade away into what I can only call the other side...is emotionally draining - especially since one has to be strong, steady, supportive and energetic for the duration of the journey. 

 Embrace your quiet time and just be your beautiful self.  Take care.

 

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