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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Athena53 Jun 20. 82 Replies

Giving Myself a Panic Attack

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 10. 9 Replies

The hardest time of day

Started by Tess. Last reply by 1988zinnia Jun 8. 26 Replies

Deja Vu all over again?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 2. 4 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Mike on March 19, 2018 at 10:35am

Don, I would also suggest  talking to a grief counselor or finding a bereavement group or both. I found both to be helpful for me although I know what works for one person might not work for another. If you don’t have the energy right now to look maybe someone could do it for you. 

Comment by Tess on March 19, 2018 at 10:19am

That is good advice Mike. Don, the grief process is extremely exhausting. I think people underestimate the toll that it takes, not only emotionally, but physically. Take it slow (I know I hated to hear that, but now see the wisdom in those words) and be good to yourself. I see the care from everyone on this website. I only discovered it a couple of months ago and find it is helpful to be able to identify with others who have been through similar losses. Prior to that I did individual therapy for a while. It helped to be able to talk and cry it out. You do need that outlet. I am sending healing thoughts your way. Remember you are not alone. (Hugs)

Comment by Mike on March 19, 2018 at 10:11am

Hi dcube, my name is Mike and my wife died on December 23rd our thirtieth anniversary. I am 61. My wife was also my best friend.  If possible have someone come and stay with you and help you. In the beginning I could not do anything either nor did I want to. If you know someone who will just be with you that can helpful. Ask for help from anyone you know. People don’t always know what to do but want to help. Sometimes we have to ask or tell them what we need. Reach out. 

Comment by dcube on March 19, 2018 at 9:39am

Hi every body my nameis Don I'm 59 and I lost my wife on feb 9 and theburial was Valentines day. I have no energy to move shower or anything else for that matter she was my best friend for 30 years

Comment by Muns on March 13, 2018 at 6:12pm

Irishlady...I am new at this.  My dear Steve died of cancer 4/22/2017.  My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best.  For me it is one day at a time.  .

Comment by irishlady (jan) on March 13, 2018 at 11:03am

Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me. I would just love to get out of this state and the one I came from...and go somewhere totally different. I have a friend in Florida who would have me in an instant, but alas,  I could not afford that on my budget. Being alone that day is not really an option for me as I suffer from depression and the more time I spend all alone, the worse it is. Some of you, know about my moving in with my youngest son and the trials I went through there with his girlfriend. The depression, unfortunately has continued. I do not want to take medications, I prefer to work through it and that is why I am in counseling again. But, this area has such bad memories right now, that I want to be away from it that day. I have gone to museums on that day, traveled back to my hometown one year, shopping expeditions, traveled to cities in our area. Like I said, for some reason, this year is particularly difficult. I'm sure something will come to me eventually. Thank you all again. (((hugs)))

Comment by Barzan on March 13, 2018 at 6:16am

Irishlady, Like Slick, my husband passed nearly 7 yrs ago and after the first year of staying home, I decided that I would go with one of my friends somewhere for that week.  We've done Taos, NM, Santa Fe, NM and this year we are heading to Philly.  I am fortunate in that I have a circle of friends that are happy to take their turn on a trip with me.  My mother-in-law comes along sometimes.  This works for me but it may not be what works for you.  I know my late husband would be 100% for the way I deal with that awful day.  He'd want me to take care of myself and be happy.  

I hope you find the best way to get through that day yourself.  Most of all, be kind to yourself.

Comment by Tess on March 13, 2018 at 2:10am

irishlady, I think that is the eternal problem. The "why aren't you over it by now" syndrome. And I do get that subsequent years of anniversaries may be tougher than earlier ones. My second birthday without my husband was far and beyond worse than the first. There is no rhyme or reason.

Do what makes you happy on your loss anniversary. Treat yourself to a massage or go to the beach and breath in the ocean air. Of course, I don't know that you live near a beach, but you get the idea.

For me, I would much rather be alone. No one else has the patience or feels the depth of loss that I do. I would let the tears come without the judgement from anyone else.

I hope you find a way to honor your husband on April 14th. Hugs( ).

Comment by shelley on March 12, 2018 at 9:36pm

irishlady, wish I had some good advice.  I've only been widowed for four months and I already feel like a burden on family and friends.  If it was the anniversary of my husband's death-  maybe a visit to his favorite museum, or a hike with the dogs on his favorite trail, or a road trip to an explosion of wildflowers, or asking just one or two of his best friends to to do something with me that they would have done with him.  Being with my family is most comforting- mom, sisters, cousins-  all so supportive.  Maybe there is one person in your family that you could ask to spend the day with you.  Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised by the response.  Maybe there's a place in your community where you might volunteer in your husband's honor.  My husband volunteered in a soup kitchen for the homeless every week for years-  I often went with him; but have not been able to visit the facility since my husband's death.  It's on my 'to do' list.  I know my husband would value my presence there.  I am so very sorry that you are dealing with the anniversary of your husband's death.  What a sad, sad, thing to have to do.  My thoughts are with you.  

Comment by LadyAva on March 12, 2018 at 6:51pm

Hi Irishlady,

I have my first year that my Moses is gone coming in May.I don't have family here so I think I will buy 3balloons and write love notes on the balloons, then find a quite place at a beach or lakefront and release in his honor. My Moses has only been gone 10 months each day still feels like it just happened.

Take as long as you like. Much love and hugs❤️❤️❤️

LadyAva

 

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