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Born in the 50s

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Comment by Slick on April 4, 2018 at 4:43am

Thank you Melissa for you did it....I have been to 4 specialists and it's not so much the PTSD's the fact that I dissociate when triggered......I have spent the past 2 years with one counselor working on living the traumas in the here and now and dealing with them as an adult...I have been very successful...very hard...but have done the work....I can still be triggered but 98% of the time I am that is progress...we did it this way although takes longer because it was safer for EMDR is not necessary I am starting with another counselor next week....not a PTSD specialist ....because I have learned how not to be afraid of it....and how to control I need to work on all the changes I have made in me...going through a late mid-life crisis....since I have been married my entire adult life....and at 64 am having a hard time knowing what I want to do ..she will also help with grief which of course I will always have, new many different things....

Comment by Melissa on April 3, 2018 at 10:07pm

Irishlady, I wanted to watch a documentary on the Shelbourne Hotel in Dublin on Netflix last night, and had to turn it off after only a few minutes. My husband and I stayed at the Shelbourne for a week in 2004, and it felt like we were there yesterday. I just remembered how much fun we had and it broke my heart.

There are so many shows that I will never watch again, and so many books I'll never read, because Gilbert read them in bed. I can't stand to remember how we'd lie in bed and read and talk about what we'd read. It feels as if everything normal died when Gilbert did.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 3, 2018 at 4:56pm

Hi Slick, 

When I used EMDR it was as if I was watching TV - I was detached from the trauma. I could see the events happening in my mind, but did not react to them. I slept a good 4-6 hours after each session. According to Francine Shapiro, developer of EMDR, both occur with a successful session. I went to 4 EMDR clinicians before I found one that produced the favorable outcome she discusses in her book ...

I have PTSD from childhood also which I'm getting ready to deal with now that I'm completely finished w/grief. The continued trauma from Bob's death & the kid's suicide attempts took up all my time for continued treatment. However, they were both successfully treated ...

Sometimes, I went for acupuncture before or after EMDR. Again, it's a matter of finding a good practioner ...

BTW -the handheld devices did not work for me ...

Comment by shelley on April 3, 2018 at 2:37pm

irishlady, My husband and I loved to do crossword puzzles.  Actually he was the smart one and did most of the puzzles, I had to sometimes say, "No, No, I know the answer to that one, let me!"  We did them in the evenings and often in bed.  And the day before he went to the ER, when we didn't know he had endocarditis, when he was just feeling a little tired, he sat in his recliner and finished a hard puzzle and exclaimed, "So there!  I'm not done yet!"  When it was clear that he was not going to regain consciousness after his heart surgery (probably a clot somewhere), I had the doctors/nurses take out all his tubes/turn off all the machines, and I laid with him for an hour and a half until he died.  I stroked him and cooed to him and read him his favorite poetry.  We'll never know if he knew I was there, but I clearly remember the feel of his lips as I kissed him one last time.  

Comment by irishlady on April 3, 2018 at 2:02pm

Shelley...My husband and I loved to play gin rummy after supper. We had so many laughs and good talks. I have not been able to pick up the cards since and they sit on his "shrine" with his ashes. I can't even play card games on line. We watched some particular TV shows together and followed them every week, but since he died..can not watch them. I have one I follow and have for years, but every week when I watch it I cry. EVERY week. I love the show, but always something on there that reminds me of my husband or life before he died. It will be 5 years next Friday....the 13th.

Comment by Slick on April 3, 2018 at 1:19pm

Shelley...I am so glad I had some words to help...sometimes there are just no words....when we relate to someone else with similar issues it makes it easier...this has not gotten any better for me no matter what I've tried....and a lot of counseling...I hope it does for you...Bill was also a sports nut....I couldn't watch the last playoff game or the Super bowl this outside of Philly ...and the Eagles and Phillies were the be all to him.....thanks for the wishes of peace....when we have peace it is all easier ...

Comment by shelley on April 3, 2018 at 9:08am

Yes, Slick.  I don't realize how much life has changed until something else comes up/affects me/debilitates me.  I am not able to read books that are trying to teach me something.or that I have to assimilate. A friend of mine gave me a book about how to reprogram the brain but I can't understand it at all.  I can read grief books and Nora Roberts books.  Although the one I'm reading now is so scary- I realized yesterday that I was able to read the scary books because I could at any time put the book down and be with my husband. More realizations, more grief. My husband and I also loved to go to the movies, touched each other the entire time in the theater.  Friends suggested I go see Lady Bird & thought I'd give it a try.  Was a little nervous walking to the theater, started crying half way through, cried the entire walk home.  I think people in the neighborhood must call me 'the woman who cries all the time'.  My husband was a sports nut.  We loved the Golden State Warriors and followed them meticulously.  Now I can't hear anything about them.  Yes, finding the new normal, the me instead of the we, I am absolutely lost.  Thanks so much for your comment.  Also wishing you peace.

Comment by Slick on April 3, 2018 at 5:21am

Hi SweetMelissa.....Yes I am very familiar with EMDR....I was dx with C-PTSD about 15 years's a build up from being a child...and then on and daughter's death was what brought me down....I have had 4 great specialists counsel me.....none wanted to use EMDR ...the last one was a specialist in it...but at the time I started seeing him....I still dissociated at times and what can happen is dangerous in the middle of EMDR the counselor brings you into a trauma you have experienced , If the person dissociates they can at that time and not come out of I was a high risk..instead we lived my traumas over again...I felt them all now at my age an adult I dealt with them...very different from being a child, teen. etc...although I have no lost the PTSD totally I am 98% through it....but I have not been able to do these 2 things...thanks for the support..

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 3, 2018 at 5:11am

Hi Slick,

Have you tried EMDR with a certified licenced EMDR Therapist?

The initials stand for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing ...

Comment by Slick on April 3, 2018 at 4:58am

Shelly ...I get it ...20 years after my daughter passed I still can't read a concentration went with her....and 4 counselors have not been able to help so I have finally accepted it....and 7 years after my husband passed I have a really hard time with movies...and even hour long dramas...we both loved oldies music and it now makes me cry always...there's always a special song to us on....and TV.we always shared opinions on movies and being alone ...I just have a hard time knowing when it's over ..I have no one here to share with.....I'm sorry you're going through this...losses cause so many changes in us...and we keep changing ..until we become a me and not a we....Peace


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