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Born in the 50s

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Members: 711
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by TCHA Mar 29. 78 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Companionship

Started by Tess. Last reply by Beansy Feb 9. 21 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Melissa on April 13, 2018 at 4:33pm

irishlady, I will hold you in my thoughts until midnight. You're not alone.

Comment by Slick on April 13, 2018 at 2:20pm

Said a prayer for you ....I pray God sends you peace to get through this day...

Comment by irishlady on April 13, 2018 at 1:39pm

Today is 5 years ago that my husband died. I always try to go off somewhere for the day with one of my kids. Today my oldest son took me to a genealogy center to do research on our family. A nice day and I enjoyed myself, but I still have to come home alone. It is almost the time that they did the intubation  on my husband and he went into cardiac arrest and a coma.I sat there all night holding his hand, kissing him and talking to him. Try as I may, I know I will be reliving all that till midnight when he finally passed away. I am feeling lonely and missing him so. Thanks for listening. 

Comment by Seashell on April 13, 2018 at 7:15am

Shelley...yes, that is how it goes. When my husband passed I realized the irony of how life must go on even though our loved ones are gone. I, too, went through a time when I missed my husband very much. Time has a way of allowing us to heal. This week was year 5 since Jerry passed away and as I was looking over the letters and photographs from the years we spent together I realized that I had come to accept his death. I do miss him especially when I am with our children and grandchildren. I know they miss their father very much. I had moved to a new house in August and my daughter hadn't been here before that time but she came and told me that she could tell that I had come to make the home my own. That I was moving forward in my life but that I had kept the memory of her father there for her and that it allowed her to feel him there. This brought tears to my eyes as I came to realize how very important this was to her. And, to me.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on April 12, 2018 at 2:46pm

Shelley, 5 months is so new and raw in this journey! I don't even remember the first 6 months!

Breathe. Take it a day at a time, a moment at a time if you need to. Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself space and time. And then breathe again.

I'm in my 5th year and it is very different from the beginning where you are. Most days are just fine. But there is always that something which can trigger the tears. I try to allow myself those moments.

Take care of yourself ... and don't let anyone else tell you what the "right things" are. Your right things are unique to you!

Hugs.

Comment by shelley on April 12, 2018 at 2:10pm

I'm finding that I'm missing my husband more as time goes on.  I'm doing all the right things-  therapy, support groups, journaling, seeing friends.  But it's been 5+ months and I miss him so much today I feel like I can't breathe.  Is that just how it goes?  

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 6, 2018 at 9:14am

Hi Slick,

Not a problem - I just recall as a newbie becoming easily confused to the point I had to re-read suggestions REPEATEDLY to get beyond any word of caution such as "dangerous" as well as try to identify "to whom" in order to fully comprehend it in feeling comfortable trying it out. Even if the person identified only themself as it being "dangerous" for, my brain couldn't grasp it till I poured over the information numerous times. For me, there always seemed to be one word that would stick out to unsettle me ...

Blessings ...

Comment by Slick on April 6, 2018 at 4:25am

Hi SweetMelissa....I thought you had bad feelings....I think I was very clear about it being dangerous for me and the reason why...I am a multiple trauma survivor ..and I think the key word is survivor in my traumas and losses...both multiple....our stories are different and I knew that ...so I tried to make it clear the I wish I could have done EMDR but we are all different...my youngest suffered one of the same traumas I did..and she did EMDR...it was wonderful for her...BUT she had one trauma , never dissociated , whereas I dissociated from childhood and for lengthy periods at times...again..we are all different....my C-PTSD has nothing to do with grief or my losses....I had it before my daughter died, the group in between her and my husband...so please ...I hope you never think I am one track minded because I am not...I am so glad it helped you...I have mine controlled as best it will ever be....but it took years and a lot of hard work no one should have to do if they don't have to...as you well know PTSD is not who we are , but what happened to us....so no fault being there ..and yet we suffer form it....I forgot most of what was back there ..due to grieving ...but always came back to it....Bless you for sharing....I hope I was a little clearer this time...sorry if I made you feel as if I was contradicting you...I didn't intend that...just trying to explain differences....in people...for other people's benefits...God bless and be in peace...

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 5, 2018 at 7:35pm

Hi Slick,

Thank you for broaching the subject. Yes, I was a bit unsettled about your comment on EMDR being dangerous - it needed to be clarified that it is hazardous for you due to your complicated issues. I recall being in a fog & easily confused during my first years of grief. My concern is when we put information out there, we're not only talking to one another, we're talking to others. I introduced EMDR in a separate topic on the forum for others to consider &/or ask their mental health worker if it was an option - I just don't want people to be frightened of it. It's the reason I addressed other readers at the end of my replies to you ...

Blessings ...

Comment by shelley on April 5, 2018 at 6:57pm

Thank you so much for your post, irishlady.  I am so incredibly moved when I read stories that so resemble my experience, feelings, thoughts.  My husband was also positive and upbeat until the very end.  And the end came so quickly and without warning.  I am so lost without him.   

 

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