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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Members: 723
Latest Activity: 21 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Barzan 21 hours ago. 18 Replies

Anyone in San Diego ?

Started by ron323. Last reply by Melissa yesterday. 3 Replies

Anxiety

Started by ron323. Last reply by Melissa yesterday. 11 Replies

Giving Myself a Panic Attack

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by Tekwriter Aug 9. 10 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Tekwriter Aug 9. 3 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by shelley on April 24, 2018 at 8:23pm

Welcome, Laurel.  This web site has provided me with such comfort, support and good advice.  I am so sorry for your loss and hope the posts here will help you eventually find peace.    

Comment by Laurel on April 24, 2018 at 7:48pm

Hi all,

I was born in the 1950’s! :-) I lost my husband of 20 years on March 13, 2018 and so here I am.

Peace & love to all,

Laurel

Comment by Melissa on April 16, 2018 at 11:25am

NancyD, I'm going to Camp Widow in San Diego as well. I look forward to meeting you! I never thought I would be attending anything that had "Widow" in the title, but I think it's going to be very helpful and comforting.

Comment by NancyD on April 15, 2018 at 4:36pm

I just signed up for Camp Widow in San Diego in July.  It's stirring up a lot of feelings and I'm surprised by that.  I think it's going to be good---but it's just given me another little reality flash about who I am now, I guess.  It's been seven months since my beloved husband died.  The grief, which was so brutal in the beginning, is "lightening up" just a bit.  I can sleep and breathe a bit more easily.  But I still am still often overwhelmed by sadness... Thanks to all who post here.  I follow this group and draw comfort from what you share.  :)     

Comment by irishlady (jan) on April 14, 2018 at 10:04am

Tess and Muns...when I went to my grief group, the instructor told us when referring to the death of the person, to say the word died and don't use a euphemism for that. I had to force the word out of my mouth. almost like I was saying a dirty word. 4 months after my husband died, I had to go in for my scheduled  colonoscopy and when I was sitting in the waiting room with all the papers they make you fill out, I came to the one that said are you married, single etc., and when I had to check widowed..I am not exaggerating when I say it took me probably 5 minutes of staring at that box to make myself check it. Boy, that really drove the point home that my husband was GONE. I sat there in a full waiting room holding in tears, and when I got into the exam room and had to tell the doctor I was widowed, the dam broke loose!! She was so understanding though and told me to sit and compose myself for as long as I had to and a nurse brought in a cold cloth and drink of water for me. I felt foolish and out of control, but I have found most people are very sweet. BUT, I have also encountered the ones who when you tell them, they get this look on their face like they can't escape fast enough. It's all part of the process I guess. (((hugs to you both)))

Comment by Muns on April 14, 2018 at 9:45am

I said a prayer for you Irishlady this morning.  You, my grief support group and this group inspire me and give me hope  Yesterday and today are tough days.  April 13th, a year ago my son in law passed away after more than a week in ICU.  My daughter lost her best friend and the father to her 2 young girls.  Today, April 14th, would be my Steve's birthday.  A year ago today we went to the emergency room because that was what the oncologist said to do.  The ER doctor talked to me very sweetly and she told me it was time to put Steve in hospice.  So, he was transported home by Banner Hospice, set up in a hospital bed, and died April 22nd at home.  (Shelley, I too have trouble saying that D word)  Two of my girlfriends and I will go have lobster in honor of Steve.  That is what he wanted to do every year for his birthday, lobster was his favorite although lobster in Arizona is not so good.

Tess, one of the questions on my AZ tax return was if I was married for the whole year.  I stared at my keyboard for awhile before I had to click on No.  It was so odd to think I am not married.  You all are wonderful and I am so pleased that I found this group.

Comment by Tess on April 14, 2018 at 3:13am

Irishlady, what a visual - a wheelbarrow of rocks up a mountain. Very descriptive and very true. You said something very important that struck a chord with me. The grief is one thing, but the other things in life that surface are another layer of distress. For me, they are magnified. Sometimes I feel as if I am balancing on a tightrope trying to put my best face forward...and trying not to fall.

Shelley, it is hard to say those words, like 'died.' It almost sounds as if someone else put them in your mouth when they come out. I had to tell someone my status as widow yesterday, it wasn't the first in my 19 months out, but it still sounds odd. I wish you comfort. I am so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

Comment by irishlady (jan) on April 14, 2018 at 2:50am

Thank you all so much for your support. Shelley...Bless you. I remember telling my grief group that this "journey" is like pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks up a mountain. You need to get there and want to get there, but you're going to get tired ans slip backwards some days, but you rest a bit and then go on. I'm not there yet, but I farther than I was. And as with many of us, while trying to deal with this new life, we are hit with other trying things, health, other deaths etc. and now we don't have our loves with us, so it adds a layer of distress to it all. But, having like people to talk to is the best thing. I could not have gotten this far without all of you and my grief group friends i made here. There is comfort in knowing we are not the only ones. I am sending all my love, prayers, and hope for peace for you on the long road ahead. XO (((hugs))))

Comment by shelley on April 13, 2018 at 8:17pm

Irishlady, I've been waiting until after 9:00 California time, which means after midnight New Hampshire time, to tell you how inspirational you are to me.  I also laid down next to my husband in his hospital bed, after all the tubes had been removed and machines had been turned off, and stroked him and kissed him and talked to him until he died.  It's been almost 6 months, and I can now say the word, 'died'.  I am so sorry for your loss and so appreciate every word you post.  You've continued on for 5 years.  You give me hope.  XO

Comment by Gary'swife on April 13, 2018 at 6:34pm

A wave a sadness came over me tonight.  The strikes in Syria for some reason just triggered bad memories from 9/11, which also made me think of all those I have lost.   I have been taking care of my brother for the last year after he had a stroke.  It's nice to have him for company, but I also worry about his health, and that at some time I will also loose him.   I also notice that I am getting older, and can't do all the things I use to, which makes me sad.   Thanks for listening.  

 

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