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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 726
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by shelley on Saturday. 10 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by bblue5 Sep 13. 6 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Athena53 Aug 28. 19 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Muns on April 25, 2018 at 4:16pm

Great advice from this group that I have learned.  Be sure to be kind to yourself and eat healthy!  I know it's hard ,but important.  Grief has a way of weakening your immune system.  I never get sick and have had both strains of the flu last year, even with the flu shot. 

My husband also died of pancreatic cancer but he didn't have an opportunity to fight.  He was diagnosed 4/6/2017 and died the 22nd. In the beginning people would say, you're lucky he didn't suffer.  I don't feel lucky.  Oh and the big one, time heals all.  Or mentioned before, be patient.  Surround yourself with family and friends that love you, and not the ones that want to "fix you".

Hugs and peace.

Comment by Lioness on April 25, 2018 at 3:24pm

Hi  all, sorry we all have to be here. My husband died 5 plus yrs ago, and today is a bad day. Rain is not helping. i feel like I am back at the beginning of all this, miss him terribly, and cant get out of this funk. I took a trip south to escape the cold, and it was nice to get away, but near the end of the trip, I was not enjoying t and just wanted to be back. Since returning, I am feeling like a hermt, cant get myself to go out, eating crap, and missing my husband terribly. Don't know where my life is going without him. cant seem to get motivated to do anything, and so lonely.

Comment by Annie25 on April 25, 2018 at 1:39pm

Welcome Laurel

So sorry to hear about your loss. My husband passed away November 2016 from lung cancer. We were married 39 years. I recently joined this group as a means of support also. I hope that by sharing our stories we will receive some comfort from each other. I miss him terribly and I grieve for all the things we  never will get to do together. 

I have learned to just take one day at a time and I am grateful for family and friends everyday.

Hoping you find some peace and renewed strength as you go through your journey.

Comment by Athena53 on April 25, 2018 at 12:47pm

Welcome, Laurel, and I'm sorry you had to join us.  Like CarLady's husband, mine also died of acute (myeloid) leukemia.  In some ways, our path was less painful than yours.  Fighting was not a real option; Ron was 77, his body was ravaged by 10 years of managing polycythemia, a precursor disease, and chemo had only a 3% chance of success.  Given that, we chose palliative care with no hesitation and he died 4 months later, in November, 2016.  We were spared the roller coaster of treatments, side effects, remissions and recurrences. 

Each of us walks a different path because of our own circumstances, but what you'll find here is that there will always be support from someone who's already put into words things that you feel, and that no one judges anyone for grieving "the wrong way".  I think that losing Ron hasn't been as hard on me as widowhood has been for others here for a multitude of reasons (including the fact that we knew it was coming, he'd lived an average life span, we had many wonderful memories and I'd lived on my own before we married).  I still get many insights from this group and I hope you will, too.

Comment by CarLady on April 25, 2018 at 12:18pm

Hi Laurel, so sorry for your loss.  My husband passed away 4.5 years ago from acute leukaemia after a 14 month battle, so our paths are similar.  We were happily together 35 years, I was 57 when he died. I realize now my life will never return to the way it was before he got sick, and it is up to me to create a new life for myself ongoing.  It’s not easy, but I’m slowly moving forward.  I hope you find comfort in this site and feel free to reach out any time about anything .  It has helped me to know I’m not alone, and not too crazy either.  Peace.  

Comment by Melissa on April 25, 2018 at 11:48am

Hi Laurel. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died six months ago, and I've noticed recently that the days are getting a little easier. There are certain times of day that are still very hard; dinner time and bed time are the worst, for obvious reasons. 

I still think about Gilbert every minute, but now I can see some hope. I know I'm recovering. When my loss was so very new, like yours is now, I felt like one of the people you see on the news after a hurricane. I was stumbling through the wreckage of what used to be my life with a dazed look on my face. Gilbert's death was sudden, so we are different in that regard, but grief is grief.

I'm telling you this because I want you to know that however long it takes, you won't always feel this raw and devastated. We are all here for you.

These wonderful people got me through the last six months. Often, they were the only people I had to talk to about this. They still are. We can all help each other. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you peace.

Comment by Tess on April 25, 2018 at 9:57am

I am so sorry Laurel. I'm sure that was a painful struggle for you both. Since my loss was sudden, I cannot  identify with your loss on that level. I don't know what would be worse, to not have the chance to say goodbye, or to want to stay together in this life so much taking any steps necessary to avoid saying goodbye. It's all painful, not having that opportunity to grow old together and missing all of those times in the past that we had together.

At this point, it is finding that way back to our life, whatever that entails. You will get there. I won't tell you to be patient, because I hated hearing from people that more than anything else. I will tell you to be kind and take time for yourself. You deserve that. Hugs to you. XOXO.

Comment by Laurel on April 25, 2018 at 9:42am

Thank you everyone. My husband had pancreatic cancer and fought hard for 2+ years. He did surgery, 3 chemo regimens, 1 regimen of radiation, and 2 clinical trials. When I was bringing him home to die on the air ambulance from MD Anderson Cancer Center, I had 5+ hours to think. I asked myself, "Why did we fight so hard?" Both of us were in the struggle and both of us wanted to win his life. I realized then, we fought like that because we weren't ready to say goodbye. I wanted to grow old with him and he with me, but it didn't work out that way and now I have to find a way to get back to my life. Thank you all for your sympathy and understanding. I hope I can offer the same to you. XOXO!

Comment by Muns on April 25, 2018 at 8:18am

Welcome Laurel.  This past weekend marked one year for me.  We were married 22 years, together 23.  Sorry for your loss.  You will find that this group will give you comfort and support along this difficult journey.  

Comment by Barzan on April 25, 2018 at 6:00am

Hello Laurel, So sorry for your loss.  Welcome to our group.  None of us want to be here but since we are, its the place we can all relate and get support from each other.  It's been nearly 7 years for me but seems like yesterday.  We were married just over 31 yrs when my husband succumbed to cancer.  

I hope your husband didn't suffer long and that you are finding comfort from friends and family.  Sometimes people withdraw from us because they just don't know how to deal with our grief.  Just know that they care and when they aren't available, we are.  Sending blessings and hugs your way.

 

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