This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Born in the 50s

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Latest Activity: 6 hours ago

Discussion Forum


Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by TCHA Mar 29. 78 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies


Started by Tess. Last reply by Beansy Feb 9. 21 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Slick on April 26, 2018 at 4:48am

Good morning Lioness....I have been the same way lately...I just passed the 7 year mark since Bill passed...I have spoken to many of my friends on here ....who are about at the same point and they said the same thing...all of a sudden it feels like year one or two...I think it's another change we go through making new lives for ourselves.....not sure ..but it feels like that...a deeper acceptance of what is....I have learned that being good to me which is something I have never had time for ....helps...have to cry, then cry, when we can smile , then smile....I have grieved many times in front of my daughters and counselor....if you're close to someone and the tears flow let them if you're comfortable....Bergen is right in that most people don't want to hear about it ...but some do....there are no rights and wrongs here.....we are all different ..but the loss and pain is there for all of us..wishing you peace of heart...

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on April 26, 2018 at 4:31am

Tess, the truth is that grief is a solo journey.  Even if others are grieving with you, their grief is different from yours.  Those who are not grieving?  They can't possibly relate.  Friends want to stop worrying about you, that is why they talk of "moving on" and say you are "wallowing in grief."  Almost no one has seen me in active grief -- not my father before HE passed, not his family, not my sister, not my friends.  It is something I do in those hours before sleep.  Because no one wants to know.

Comment by Tess on April 26, 2018 at 2:04am

Lioness, I can identify with your words. It is not yet two years for me, but at times I fall into the same funk state. Most of the time I have things to keep me occupied. They hold me up by my bootstrings. At others, I pray to the Lord because I feel that this road is not one I want to travel. I don't seem to even recognize those things that get me through the other days.

I don't know if others feel this way, but sometimes it is the difference between how I actually feel and the way I present myself to the world. People wouldn't understand my authentic feelings. They would either run away, or think I'm just not progressing at all. Hugs to you. You aren't alone.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on April 25, 2018 at 4:40pm

Laurel, your words of how hard you fought because you weren't ready to say goodbye resonated with me. All of our stories are so different. Ed's last few months were really hard and he fought hard until he couldn't. We never really said goodbye but I guess we did in other ways.

You'll find your way - it's not the same nor can it be but I am finding that it's not a bad way at all. It takes as much time as it takes - no schedule or timetable here and no one should suggest there is. Hugs to you!

Comment by Muns on April 25, 2018 at 4:16pm

Great advice from this group that I have learned.  Be sure to be kind to yourself and eat healthy!  I know it's hard ,but important.  Grief has a way of weakening your immune system.  I never get sick and have had both strains of the flu last year, even with the flu shot. 

My husband also died of pancreatic cancer but he didn't have an opportunity to fight.  He was diagnosed 4/6/2017 and died the 22nd. In the beginning people would say, you're lucky he didn't suffer.  I don't feel lucky.  Oh and the big one, time heals all.  Or mentioned before, be patient.  Surround yourself with family and friends that love you, and not the ones that want to "fix you".

Hugs and peace.

Comment by Lioness on April 25, 2018 at 3:24pm

Hi  all, sorry we all have to be here. My husband died 5 plus yrs ago, and today is a bad day. Rain is not helping. i feel like I am back at the beginning of all this, miss him terribly, and cant get out of this funk. I took a trip south to escape the cold, and it was nice to get away, but near the end of the trip, I was not enjoying t and just wanted to be back. Since returning, I am feeling like a hermt, cant get myself to go out, eating crap, and missing my husband terribly. Don't know where my life is going without him. cant seem to get motivated to do anything, and so lonely.

Comment by Annie25 on April 25, 2018 at 1:39pm

Welcome Laurel

So sorry to hear about your loss. My husband passed away November 2016 from lung cancer. We were married 39 years. I recently joined this group as a means of support also. I hope that by sharing our stories we will receive some comfort from each other. I miss him terribly and I grieve for all the things we  never will get to do together. 

I have learned to just take one day at a time and I am grateful for family and friends everyday.

Hoping you find some peace and renewed strength as you go through your journey.

Comment by Athena53 on April 25, 2018 at 12:47pm

Welcome, Laurel, and I'm sorry you had to join us.  Like CarLady's husband, mine also died of acute (myeloid) leukemia.  In some ways, our path was less painful than yours.  Fighting was not a real option; Ron was 77, his body was ravaged by 10 years of managing polycythemia, a precursor disease, and chemo had only a 3% chance of success.  Given that, we chose palliative care with no hesitation and he died 4 months later, in November, 2016.  We were spared the roller coaster of treatments, side effects, remissions and recurrences. 

Each of us walks a different path because of our own circumstances, but what you'll find here is that there will always be support from someone who's already put into words things that you feel, and that no one judges anyone for grieving "the wrong way".  I think that losing Ron hasn't been as hard on me as widowhood has been for others here for a multitude of reasons (including the fact that we knew it was coming, he'd lived an average life span, we had many wonderful memories and I'd lived on my own before we married).  I still get many insights from this group and I hope you will, too.

Comment by CarLady on April 25, 2018 at 12:18pm

Hi Laurel, so sorry for your loss.  My husband passed away 4.5 years ago from acute leukaemia after a 14 month battle, so our paths are similar.  We were happily together 35 years, I was 57 when he died. I realize now my life will never return to the way it was before he got sick, and it is up to me to create a new life for myself ongoing.  It’s not easy, but I’m slowly moving forward.  I hope you find comfort in this site and feel free to reach out any time about anything .  It has helped me to know I’m not alone, and not too crazy either.  Peace.  

Comment by Melissa on April 25, 2018 at 11:48am

Hi Laurel. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died six months ago, and I've noticed recently that the days are getting a little easier. There are certain times of day that are still very hard; dinner time and bed time are the worst, for obvious reasons. 

I still think about Gilbert every minute, but now I can see some hope. I know I'm recovering. When my loss was so very new, like yours is now, I felt like one of the people you see on the news after a hurricane. I was stumbling through the wreckage of what used to be my life with a dazed look on my face. Gilbert's death was sudden, so we are different in that regard, but grief is grief.

I'm telling you this because I want you to know that however long it takes, you won't always feel this raw and devastated. We are all here for you.

These wonderful people got me through the last six months. Often, they were the only people I had to talk to about this. They still are. We can all help each other. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you peace.


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