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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 712
Latest Activity: on Friday

Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by chef (John) on Friday. 81 Replies

Giving Myself a Panic Attack

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 10. 9 Replies

The hardest time of day

Started by Tess. Last reply by 1988zinnia Jun 8. 26 Replies

Deja Vu all over again?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 2. 4 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Tess on April 25, 2018 at 9:57am

I am so sorry Laurel. I'm sure that was a painful struggle for you both. Since my loss was sudden, I cannot  identify with your loss on that level. I don't know what would be worse, to not have the chance to say goodbye, or to want to stay together in this life so much taking any steps necessary to avoid saying goodbye. It's all painful, not having that opportunity to grow old together and missing all of those times in the past that we had together.

At this point, it is finding that way back to our life, whatever that entails. You will get there. I won't tell you to be patient, because I hated hearing from people that more than anything else. I will tell you to be kind and take time for yourself. You deserve that. Hugs to you. XOXO.

Comment by Laurel on April 25, 2018 at 9:42am

Thank you everyone. My husband had pancreatic cancer and fought hard for 2+ years. He did surgery, 3 chemo regimens, 1 regimen of radiation, and 2 clinical trials. When I was bringing him home to die on the air ambulance from MD Anderson Cancer Center, I had 5+ hours to think. I asked myself, "Why did we fight so hard?" Both of us were in the struggle and both of us wanted to win his life. I realized then, we fought like that because we weren't ready to say goodbye. I wanted to grow old with him and he with me, but it didn't work out that way and now I have to find a way to get back to my life. Thank you all for your sympathy and understanding. I hope I can offer the same to you. XOXO!

Comment by Muns on April 25, 2018 at 8:18am

Welcome Laurel.  This past weekend marked one year for me.  We were married 22 years, together 23.  Sorry for your loss.  You will find that this group will give you comfort and support along this difficult journey.  

Comment by Barzan on April 25, 2018 at 6:00am

Hello Laurel, So sorry for your loss.  Welcome to our group.  None of us want to be here but since we are, its the place we can all relate and get support from each other.  It's been nearly 7 years for me but seems like yesterday.  We were married just over 31 yrs when my husband succumbed to cancer.  

I hope your husband didn't suffer long and that you are finding comfort from friends and family.  Sometimes people withdraw from us because they just don't know how to deal with our grief.  Just know that they care and when they aren't available, we are.  Sending blessings and hugs your way.

Comment by shelley on April 24, 2018 at 8:23pm

Welcome, Laurel.  This web site has provided me with such comfort, support and good advice.  I am so sorry for your loss and hope the posts here will help you eventually find peace.    

Comment by Laurel on April 24, 2018 at 7:48pm

Hi all,

I was born in the 1950’s! :-) I lost my husband of 20 years on March 13, 2018 and so here I am.

Peace & love to all,

Laurel

Comment by Melissa on April 16, 2018 at 11:25am

NancyD, I'm going to Camp Widow in San Diego as well. I look forward to meeting you! I never thought I would be attending anything that had "Widow" in the title, but I think it's going to be very helpful and comforting.

Comment by NancyD on April 15, 2018 at 4:36pm

I just signed up for Camp Widow in San Diego in July.  It's stirring up a lot of feelings and I'm surprised by that.  I think it's going to be good---but it's just given me another little reality flash about who I am now, I guess.  It's been seven months since my beloved husband died.  The grief, which was so brutal in the beginning, is "lightening up" just a bit.  I can sleep and breathe a bit more easily.  But I still am still often overwhelmed by sadness... Thanks to all who post here.  I follow this group and draw comfort from what you share.  :)     

Comment by irishlady (jan) on April 14, 2018 at 10:04am

Tess and Muns...when I went to my grief group, the instructor told us when referring to the death of the person, to say the word died and don't use a euphemism for that. I had to force the word out of my mouth. almost like I was saying a dirty word. 4 months after my husband died, I had to go in for my scheduled  colonoscopy and when I was sitting in the waiting room with all the papers they make you fill out, I came to the one that said are you married, single etc., and when I had to check widowed..I am not exaggerating when I say it took me probably 5 minutes of staring at that box to make myself check it. Boy, that really drove the point home that my husband was GONE. I sat there in a full waiting room holding in tears, and when I got into the exam room and had to tell the doctor I was widowed, the dam broke loose!! She was so understanding though and told me to sit and compose myself for as long as I had to and a nurse brought in a cold cloth and drink of water for me. I felt foolish and out of control, but I have found most people are very sweet. BUT, I have also encountered the ones who when you tell them, they get this look on their face like they can't escape fast enough. It's all part of the process I guess. (((hugs to you both)))

Comment by Muns on April 14, 2018 at 9:45am

I said a prayer for you Irishlady this morning.  You, my grief support group and this group inspire me and give me hope  Yesterday and today are tough days.  April 13th, a year ago my son in law passed away after more than a week in ICU.  My daughter lost her best friend and the father to her 2 young girls.  Today, April 14th, would be my Steve's birthday.  A year ago today we went to the emergency room because that was what the oncologist said to do.  The ER doctor talked to me very sweetly and she told me it was time to put Steve in hospice.  So, he was transported home by Banner Hospice, set up in a hospital bed, and died April 22nd at home.  (Shelley, I too have trouble saying that D word)  Two of my girlfriends and I will go have lobster in honor of Steve.  That is what he wanted to do every year for his birthday, lobster was his favorite although lobster in Arizona is not so good.

Tess, one of the questions on my AZ tax return was if I was married for the whole year.  I stared at my keyboard for awhile before I had to click on No.  It was so odd to think I am not married.  You all are wonderful and I am so pleased that I found this group.

 

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