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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by shelley on Saturday. 10 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by bblue5 Sep 13. 6 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Athena53 Aug 28. 19 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by irishlady (jan) on April 28, 2018 at 1:57pm

Melissa...Just months after my husband died, I ran into a friend of my son's in the market...this happened twice with different people. they had not seen the obituary and did not know my husband had died and I stood in the middle of the market sobbing telling them the tale. I have lost it in the doctor's office several times. I find most people are very understanding and take their time with you. I still have a small cringe when I am making out new forms somewhere and the person asks if I am married and I have to say no, widowed. I feel like it should not bother me as much as it does, but I can't help it. Hugs to you for what you went through with the homeless man. I totally get it.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 28, 2018 at 12:52pm

Crying stops when its time - my last years of grief I shed no tears ...

Comment by Melissa on April 28, 2018 at 11:35am

irishlady, I can't imagine not crying every day. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends; the first time I've done that since Gilbert died six months ago. It was nice, and I thought maybe I was getting better.

On the way to the car, a homeless young man stopped my friend and me and asked for money. My husband used to work for the government in the Welfare to Work Program, finding people like him jobs and training. I always gave them his business card and said, "Call my husband. He can help you."

I reached into my purse and started looking for his card, saying, "Call my . . ." then burst into tears because a) I forgot for a second that he was gone and b) he is gone. It was awful. The poor homeless kid had to listen to me sob, saying I forgot my husband was dead . . .just a nightmare. Fortunately, my friend was with me and she explained what was going on.

I'd gone from a normal person having dinner with friends to a hysterical crazy lady in 0 to 60.

Comment by irishlady (jan) on April 28, 2018 at 6:31am

So 5 years for me and I still cry almost every day. Not for a long period USUALLY, but still crying.  A friend that I write to everyday, was telling me she and her husband had a tiff as she was having a bad day and they just got on each others nerves. Reminded me of my husband and I. If I was having a bad day and in a nasty mood, he'd come over to me with his arms outs stretched and say...You're having a bad day today..would a big hug help? I f I was still mad I would say NO! but he didn't listen and would grab me an give me a huge bear hug and then all seemed right again. That memory just made me cry. I miss those bear hugs so, so much. I could use one daily.  

And to those new to this "club", I have found that unless you have gone through this kind of loss and pain, you will never understand how we feel. that goes for family and friends. I joined a grief group early on and made a friend out of it who I still visit with and she gets me as she has been where I am. she is about 2 years ahead of me on this journey. Hugs to all.

Comment by sandi on April 27, 2018 at 6:01pm

I too shed tears every day.  Not all day just a few minutes here and there.  There are so many triggers aren't there.  A song, a picture, doing everything all alone...It's going on 2years for me and I hope it gets better.

Comment by shelley on April 26, 2018 at 1:18pm

I'm finding that I have a certain amount of tears that have to be shed each day.  If I cry only a little during the day- the tears come at night.  If i cry a lot during the day- I can go to bed without crying.  If I don't cry enough during the day- I also cry at night.   

Comment by NancyD on April 26, 2018 at 9:24am

Hi Laurel,  I too am sorry for your loss.  It is very difficult to navigate fresh grief, for sure.  You've come to the right place.  You are not alone.

Melissa, it has been 7 months for me and I also feel a tiny bit better now. The evenings are the worst for me, especially dinner time.  I can say that somewhere around the 6 month mark things seemed to "lighten up" a bit and I started to be surprised by stretches of time that weren't so terrible.  I miss my husband very much but I am no longer constantly  knocked down by the grief.  I can breathe better; I don't cry all day long.  I take this change as a sign of hope---hope for my future, that it could be meaningful and worth living even though it doesn't really feel like that right now.  

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on April 26, 2018 at 4:31am

Tess, the truth is that grief is a solo journey.  Even if others are grieving with you, their grief is different from yours.  Those who are not grieving?  They can't possibly relate.  Friends want to stop worrying about you, that is why they talk of "moving on" and say you are "wallowing in grief."  Almost no one has seen me in active grief -- not my father before HE passed, not his family, not my sister, not my friends.  It is something I do in those hours before sleep.  Because no one wants to know.

Comment by Tess on April 26, 2018 at 2:04am

Lioness, I can identify with your words. It is not yet two years for me, but at times I fall into the same funk state. Most of the time I have things to keep me occupied. They hold me up by my bootstrings. At others, I pray to the Lord because I feel that this road is not one I want to travel. I don't seem to even recognize those things that get me through the other days.

I don't know if others feel this way, but sometimes it is the difference between how I actually feel and the way I present myself to the world. People wouldn't understand my authentic feelings. They would either run away, or think I'm just not progressing at all. Hugs to you. You aren't alone.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on April 25, 2018 at 4:40pm

Laurel, your words of how hard you fought because you weren't ready to say goodbye resonated with me. All of our stories are so different. Ed's last few months were really hard and he fought hard until he couldn't. We never really said goodbye but I guess we did in other ways.

You'll find your way - it's not the same nor can it be but I am finding that it's not a bad way at all. It takes as much time as it takes - no schedule or timetable here and no one should suggest there is. Hugs to you!

 

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