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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum


Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by TCHA Mar 29. 78 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies


Started by Tess. Last reply by Beansy Feb 9. 21 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Slick on April 28, 2018 at 2:16pm

I still wake up every morning to a few tears after 7 years......all of my friends passed in between my daughter and my husband so I am very alone...I have made friends...but will not be woman I met about 4+ years ago....and I have always been flexible with her needs and time...she is married and her husband and her do a lot so I usually made myself available when she was ...until many times I said no more lunches at this place I really don't like it, lets go to a movie instead of lunch..or both, then she would tell me about another friend that she always went to the movies with ..for some reason..I have truly decided to take care of me ..and told her again how I felt , I also mentioned ...because all she does is complains, and complains about her husband...and some day she'll be all alone and won't be able to take it...WHAT!! are you really telling me this... she said " my husband is incredibly hard to live with " and I finally responded and " My husband is incredibly hard to live without" well did she get not worth my time or flexibility anymore.

Comment by irishlady on April 28, 2018 at 1:57pm

Melissa...Just months after my husband died, I ran into a friend of my son's in the market...this happened twice with different people. they had not seen the obituary and did not know my husband had died and I stood in the middle of the market sobbing telling them the tale. I have lost it in the doctor's office several times. I find most people are very understanding and take their time with you. I still have a small cringe when I am making out new forms somewhere and the person asks if I am married and I have to say no, widowed. I feel like it should not bother me as much as it does, but I can't help it. Hugs to you for what you went through with the homeless man. I totally get it.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 28, 2018 at 12:52pm

Crying stops when its time - my last years of grief I shed no tears ...

Comment by Melissa on April 28, 2018 at 11:35am

irishlady, I can't imagine not crying every day. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends; the first time I've done that since Gilbert died six months ago. It was nice, and I thought maybe I was getting better.

On the way to the car, a homeless young man stopped my friend and me and asked for money. My husband used to work for the government in the Welfare to Work Program, finding people like him jobs and training. I always gave them his business card and said, "Call my husband. He can help you."

I reached into my purse and started looking for his card, saying, "Call my . . ." then burst into tears because a) I forgot for a second that he was gone and b) he is gone. It was awful. The poor homeless kid had to listen to me sob, saying I forgot my husband was dead . . .just a nightmare. Fortunately, my friend was with me and she explained what was going on.

I'd gone from a normal person having dinner with friends to a hysterical crazy lady in 0 to 60.

Comment by irishlady on April 28, 2018 at 6:31am

So 5 years for me and I still cry almost every day. Not for a long period USUALLY, but still crying.  A friend that I write to everyday, was telling me she and her husband had a tiff as she was having a bad day and they just got on each others nerves. Reminded me of my husband and I. If I was having a bad day and in a nasty mood, he'd come over to me with his arms outs stretched and say...You're having a bad day today..would a big hug help? I f I was still mad I would say NO! but he didn't listen and would grab me an give me a huge bear hug and then all seemed right again. That memory just made me cry. I miss those bear hugs so, so much. I could use one daily.  

And to those new to this "club", I have found that unless you have gone through this kind of loss and pain, you will never understand how we feel. that goes for family and friends. I joined a grief group early on and made a friend out of it who I still visit with and she gets me as she has been where I am. she is about 2 years ahead of me on this journey. Hugs to all.

Comment by sandi on April 27, 2018 at 6:01pm

I too shed tears every day.  Not all day just a few minutes here and there.  There are so many triggers aren't there.  A song, a picture, doing everything all alone...It's going on 2years for me and I hope it gets better.

Comment by shelley on April 26, 2018 at 1:18pm

I'm finding that I have a certain amount of tears that have to be shed each day.  If I cry only a little during the day- the tears come at night.  If i cry a lot during the day- I can go to bed without crying.  If I don't cry enough during the day- I also cry at night.   

Comment by NancyD on April 26, 2018 at 9:24am

Hi Laurel,  I too am sorry for your loss.  It is very difficult to navigate fresh grief, for sure.  You've come to the right place.  You are not alone.

Melissa, it has been 7 months for me and I also feel a tiny bit better now. The evenings are the worst for me, especially dinner time.  I can say that somewhere around the 6 month mark things seemed to "lighten up" a bit and I started to be surprised by stretches of time that weren't so terrible.  I miss my husband very much but I am no longer constantly  knocked down by the grief.  I can breathe better; I don't cry all day long.  I take this change as a sign of hope---hope for my future, that it could be meaningful and worth living even though it doesn't really feel like that right now.  

Comment by Slick on April 26, 2018 at 4:58am

Laurel...Bill and I also fought and fought....I have never seen anyone suffer as much as he did for so long and keep fighting until the last few days....neither of us wanted to stop trying, didn't want to leave each other....had a hard time talking to each other about the fact that he was dying, the battle was almost over....I cried every morning for 3 months....and one day he asked me to try not to cry it made it harder on I held them in ...I knew he didn't want to leave, but in another way wanted to , to rid himself of the I did whatever I could to let him be was his life..not mine...the night he died I woke him and told him I loved him and knew he loved me but his pain was unbearable and he suffered so much.....he was calling my daughter's name for 2 days , I told him to take her hand , it was OK , I would figure it our and be OK....and he closed his eyes and passed shortly after on her I feel as if she came for him...and was telling me that she was OK and he would be too.....March 1 is her birthday ,she passed at 21 and would have just turned 42......and it was his 7th anniversary.....a strange day for me every year is different...a birth and a rebirth....that fight is tough...almost 4 years of him being ill and I still wasn't ready to kiss him goodbye and neither was he...I have good days ..and days filled with tears of missing him...and beautiful memories of our life together....I do my best to go with what each day brings...I can and do laugh, smile, talk to my grandchildren..and am still trying to fulfill my life a little more...God bless.....we all rights..and no wrongs in it your way..but please don't forget to be good to you..

Comment by Slick on April 26, 2018 at 4:49am

Tess...I think at times we are dying inside and put on a face of "I;m OK" to's something this world seems to what's best for you....and be good to you helps...


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