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Born in the 50s

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Giving Myself a Panic Attack

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Deja Vu all over again?

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Comment Wall


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Comment by Slick on May 6, 2018 at 6:25am

Mike, thoughts are about the same as Melissa's on this...BUT I will start with , we are all different, no one's opinion in right or wrong.......there are no rights and wrongs with grieving...

Bill was only 51 when dx..we were so happy, he lived almost 4 years...lung and bone cancer, so many surgeries, so much chemo , radiation, narcotics....5 at a very much one should ever have to feel that pain or for so long, nor should someone who loves them have to watch..that being said ..the one thing in life he hated was physical pain...he just couldn't take it and yet he did , was a great patient.....he started to talk to God all night when I was sleeping....2 days before he passed he was reaching out and calling my deceased daughter's name, the night he passed ..I woke him up and told him I loved him , I knew he loved me and I would be OK...he needed to take Melanie's hand and being himself to peace....and out of that horrible pain..he passed within an all stengthened my belief in a higher my spirituality..because in my heart at that point they were both in peace...he passed on her birthday...I took that as a sign to me.....this is one has to agree or's mine to own.PEACE to all.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on May 5, 2018 at 6:21pm

Hi Mike,
Creationism is a major part of healing for a great many people rather then the natural processes of evolution ...
Either one or both can help w/the answers for death. For myself, I found a greater comfort w/spirituality than I ever could w/evolution or the forensics report. The fact that Bob had been murdered as well as the top & back of his head torn off was far too much too bare. I sought solace in my spiritual beliefs - it was the major contributor in my healing for accepting truth & reality. It took time, of course I had to work my anger w/God down in the trenches first before I could set on my quest for peace & serenity ...
Almost 11 years later, the disconnected house alarm still flashes whenever Bob is around ...
Whatever works!

Comment by Mike on May 3, 2018 at 4:12am

It has been about four months for me now and I get no feelings or sensations or whatever that my wife is near or trying to soothe me or anything like that. I am happy for the people who do and realize the peace it must bring. As for me I live in the same house we shared for almost thirty years and it’s as if she has vanished. We had a good and loving relationship. If she wanted to make her presence known then an empty house should be ideal. I am alright with this. I don’t believe in an after life and knowing she is gone forever, while it hurts tremendously, has actually helped me to accept her death and move on. I know this isn’t the common feeling on these posts, and I’m not trying to deny what people feel or experience. It’s just a description of what has occurred for me. 

Comment by Slick on May 3, 2018 at 3:57am

Hope you enjoyed your trip Barzan....wonderful post...I agree belief may be different from everyone's and that's OK has been my belief since I was still in Catholic HS.....and one religion nun I had talked a lot about the afterlife....since then I have believed that when we pass we go to another level, another plain per say...I believe our loved ones are right next to us...they can see us but we haven't gotten there so can't see them..I hope that made sense and isn't too corny....but I smell my daughter and sister at father-inlaw is the only person I know who smoked cigars...and I smell cigar smoke strongly only in my car at times...I don't smoke so it's not that......and my husband I feel near me..sometimes I have the feeling that he is laying with me, toughing my arm. consoling me when I cry...does make me feel safe that he's with me , he gives me incentive to move forward....HUGS back to you..peace..

Comment by Barzan on May 2, 2018 at 3:47pm

Have been reading these posts while  traveling and now that I'm home, I wish to add my 2 cents.  I'm at year 7 7 in June and although I'm managing my grief better, I still feel my husband's presence and hope that will never stop.  When I share this with friends or family, they kind of raise their eyebrows.  My theory is that we can't hear dog whistles but they exist so just because we can't see something, can it not exist?  I adopted my cat 2 years ago and he has never climbed up on my late husband's recliner and he has slept on every other piece of furniture in the house.  So, keep talking to your spouses because it gives us comfort and who knows, they may be there listening.  Hugs to all.

Comment by Slick on May 2, 2018 at 2:19pm

Exactly Shelley..wonderful never happened to me until the past 6 months...but I've had a really hard time...grief has come back full force and I think he's comforting me....

Irishlady..wonderful....."OUR SONG" comes on everything I'm in the car.....feeling low....and I know he's there...

Comment by irishlady (jan) on May 2, 2018 at 1:28pm

Me too with the feeling of husband in bed sleeping beside me. when I wake in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, my first thought is don't wake husband up, that's how real the feeling is. I talk to him all the time too. At home, in the car while driving. Our joke always was I can't merge into traffic. (I've gotten much better) so every time I encounter heavy traffic flow I say...I need some help here and always there will be a miraculous parting of the heavy traffic and I say thank you honey.

Comment by shelley on May 2, 2018 at 1:27pm

Yes, Slick.  Exactly!  Always after having an overwhelmingly sad day/evening.  And I don't know if it's because I feel rested or because I may have sensed his presence or maybe neither-  but I feel a little lighthearted upon getting out of bed.  Not the usual dread.  I can still remember that moment before I/as I woke up, such a peaceful feeling.  

Comment by Slick on May 2, 2018 at 11:37am

Yes Shelley ...same feeling..well rested....disappointed when I realized he wasn't really there...I didn't want to turn over until it occurred to me that he knew I was going through a rough time and was next to me...the very second I opened my eyes..the feeling would go......PEACE 

Comment by shelley on May 2, 2018 at 11:08am

Slick, Just lately there have been a few times when I felt like he was in bed with me.  Yes, the feeling was fleeting and only for a second.  I would feel him as I woke up, realizing that I had some restful sleep.  


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