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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by shelley on Saturday. 10 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by bblue5 Sep 13. 6 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Athena53 Aug 28. 19 Replies

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Comment by riet on May 20, 2018 at 11:16am

Thank you Slick and Lioness, 

It's now one month since my husband died and I still don't seem to accept it.  Today I visited our good friends for the first time alone and it just wasn't right.  He had to go with me there too. 

In the weekends our son always spent his day making photos, which he then forwarded to his dad to discuss them.  And he also couldn't believe he is no longer able to do so. With our daughter , my husband enjoyed gardening. Endless talks about it took place between them.  Done forever. Unbelieveable.

Another son just came here trying to do whatever his dad did in his garden and left to his own house very sad for not being able to discuss the news of the day with his dad, like they used to do.

We all are ... well we don't know how we are.  We just don't accept his absence.

In one way we do: of course we know he died.  But what that would mean for us, we never realized.

And while my husband had a very difficult last half year, we really thought we were prepared for his loss. Well nothing could be more false.

The sadness we felt for his disease, is in no way comparable to what we feel now when he is no longer with us.

We all are just lost.  And while our kids still have their own families to go to, I am alone.  Alone because my soulmate and best friend on earth no longer is with us.

Everybody called us: entwined. Some say I am strong.  Yes I was: entwined with him.  Nothing of what is happening now I could ever have expected.

It hurts every moment.  More as anything I ever felt before.

I want to yell at everything I see: give me my husband back. 

Thanks for your hugs.  I feel comforted by them

Comment by Lioness on May 20, 2018 at 10:30am
Hi Riet, so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort here, I know I have. Reading others stories similar to your own can help you get through. its true, you must live one day at a time when you have lost your loved one. My husband died five years ago, and we did everything together too, and I miss him every day. But you put one foot in front of the other, and do whatever you feel like doing, even if it is just sleeping or crying or eating junk. Keep your family close, they are hurting too, my own 3 kids are still hurting but we all talk about him together, and it helps. wishing you comfort in the days ahead. hugs
Comment by riet on May 20, 2018 at 10:02am

Reading a book, I discovered this website.  English is not my native language. Please forgive my awkward language.

I lost my husband on the 20th of last April. He fought  an aggressive brain tumor. And despite an average surviving rate of 15 months, he had exactly 4 years.  He was 73 and on the 1st of May, we would have been together for 50 years. We were in a very tight marriage. The only thing important for my husband was his family. He lived for us every moment. He wanted to have a big party on this first of May.  In stead, we celebrated his life on that day.

My husband loved living so very much. He didn't want to give up till the last moment.  He took every therapy what was proposed to him. And hoped to live till he was a 100 years old.  And despite the heavy treatment all this time, we had hopes.  He came out of the statistical data and we thought it would last that way.

It did not.  From about September 2017, his condition became worse every day.  And still, seeing,  we were blind. We hoped and hoped.

We never consulted any internet paper about his disease. We only accepted what the doctors told us. If we had done so, I believe my husband had given up fighting a long time ago, because with this cancer he had no chance at all.

Our 3 children and grandchildren however knew all about it and I only now see how lonely they must have felt , not being able to discuss all this with us.

He died in our own house. I was with next to him.  Our children and grandchildren had left a few hours before, not expecting him passing that night.  He cried when they left.  Now that hurts me so much.  I still want to hug him and he is no longer here.

He was nursed by our daughter this last month. She did this so gentle and kind.  She and her daddy were two of a kind. 

His grandchildren had come to sing and bring his music  on their guitars to him this last day.  He liked classic rock and was so happy and proud they shared his his interests.  They miss their granddad so much.

I want to tell his story a million times.  His photos are all around me.  I am surrounded very well by caring people:  our kids in the first place. But also our neighbors and friends. 

But I don't see how to go on now.  They all tell me not to think very far ahead, and live by the day.  But I can't help feeling scared.  My husband and I did everything together. And now?

Thank you for being able to tell you this.

the best to all of you

Riet

Comment by Muns on May 17, 2018 at 12:46pm

My Steve had a 1995 Chevy Dually, Shoosie, that was his pride and joy.  I named it The Beast.  When Steve died in April 2017  I decided to sell it and a friend of mine helped me.  He had it detailed and put in on line for top dollar.  It actually sold quickly for asking price.  He gave me the money in cash and I put the money in a brand new bank envelope and put the envelope in the safe.  Months later when I needed some cash I took the envelope out and took all the bills, and out comes a penny with it.  I know where that penny came from dear Steve, pennies from heaven.  Since then I have a few more that he has placed.  

Also one morning when I was outside tending to the pool, something caught my eye at the edge of the patio by the rose bush, our favorite flower.  It was for sure a set of our office keys from our propane business.  No doubt in my mind.  We had sold the business and the property back in 2014 and had turned in ALL our keys to the new owner.

I miss Steve so much!  This second year is turning out to be harder than the first.  I believe in the "signs" and feel blessed to see and feel them.

Comment by shelley on May 16, 2018 at 7:49pm

Shoosie2, I so loved your post.  Of course I know what a 'fat pad' is.  I come from a long line of cat lovers and have seen plenty of old fat bellies swinging back and forth.  Sweet that we had the same experiences with our husbands.  

Your day does sound like a rough one and I know what it feels like not to have your husband to help you or to talk to about your day.  Hope tomorrow is better for you.  I'm feeling better tonight than I did last night.  But I know I will sink into the abyss again.  

And merlot is the only wine I drink.  Take care.  

Comment by Barzan on May 16, 2018 at 4:23pm

Shelley, Seashell and Slick,

Being that I can only have his spirit, under the circumstances, yes, I'm lucky.  Hoping everyone here has the gift a visits.  You may already but don't recognize it. 

Comment by Shoosie2 on May 16, 2018 at 2:10pm

LOL Shelley!  You know what older fat kitties look like? They have the sagging tummy that swings under their abdomen?  It's called a fat pad.   I used to tell my Rick  'don't touch my fat-pad!'  He'd just laugh and tickle me anyway.  I read your recent post in another discussion, and I too have found that instead of relaxing after work with a glass of wine, I too am drinking way too much alcohol, mostly wine, as it also knocks me out so I don't have stay awake too long at night.

This has just been a crappy day all around, and I can tell you right now, I'll be having my bottle of wine tonight with NO guilt.  His old truck, which the tree faller wants to buy, needed to be smogged and registered for the year. This huge GMC 4X4 was Rick's darling. In the UK, a big truck is a tiny Toyota pickup. He bought the GMC 2 days after we moved back to the US, and he loved 'Arnie'- named for Schwarzenegger. 

I knew there would be problems as it's now 23 years old. I took it through smog with no actual test.....no pass. I needed a new catalytic converter. OK, drove it back home up the mountain last night, then back down again today to get the work done. They called me at work, converter done, but guess what?  There are holes in the muffler, which also means it won't pass smog, and there is a hole in the water pump, too. They said for tonight, they can put an epoxy in the hole in the water pump until it gets replaced tomorrow. Just great.

I think OK, I'll just rent a car, which will be less wear and tear on Arnie. There are 2 rental car agencies in this little town- NO cars available! One of my co-workers offered to drive me home so I can get the other car, but that would leave me with 2 cars here at work.   So tomorrow, the muffler and water pump get put on , then back to the smog test, and pray it passes after throwing another $600.00 at a truck that's going to be sold. And here's the kicker that hit me...........there's no one, i.e. Rick, to help me with this.

I just feel so alone, and I am, and it sucks. I'll get through this, and will feel good about myself  for taking care of all of this mechanical truck work. But that won't happen until tomorrow. I'm going to splurge and reward myself for being  'tough' and get a really good old vine Merlot for tonight....I deserve it!

Peace to us all

Steph

Comment by Seashell on May 16, 2018 at 1:43pm

Sometimes it feels as though something is moving across the bed. I look for the cat but he is nowhere to be seen. One evening the cat was going crazy and chasing something on the wall. Other times it will feel like an icy finger touching my skin. Most times it is just a sense of knowing that he is there.

Comment by shelley on May 16, 2018 at 11:00am

Barzan, I'm so jealous.  Would give anything to feel that not even all the time, but some times.  Spooning-  such a treasure.  Miss it so much.  To no avail, I would tell my husband not to rest his hand on my paunchy stomach.  He would say, 'I love your paunchy stomach'.  

Comment by Barzan on May 16, 2018 at 7:18am

Shelley and all,

Last night I had trouble falling asleep and kept thinking how much I've missed being held.  It'll be 7 years in a few weeks that my husband passed.  I thought my cat had cozied up against my back but realized he was on the other side.  It had to be my husband spooning and suddenly I felt so peaceful and drifted off to sleep.  

 

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