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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by chef (John) on Friday. 81 Replies

Giving Myself a Panic Attack

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 10. 9 Replies

The hardest time of day

Started by Tess. Last reply by 1988zinnia Jun 8. 26 Replies

Deja Vu all over again?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 2. 4 Replies

Problems with moving

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Comment Wall

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Comment by shelley on May 27, 2018 at 5:23pm

Hi Slick, Sorry you can't find a group to join.  I find grief support groups so helpful.  In San Francisco & Santa Cruz (where I am in groups) there is no requirement for number of years widowed.  A person lost a parent 12 years ago, a person lost a child 5 years ago, widows and widowers experienced loss whenever.  If a person believes the group can be helpful, they're in.  I see you're in Pennsylvania-  I hope you find support.  Maybe you could start your own group-  find a facilitator and advertise.  

Comment by Melissa on May 25, 2018 at 10:58am

Thank you NancyD. "Held in love" is such a beautiful image. Our first wedding anniversary since my husband's death is coming up - June 15th. I've been dreading it so much, but perhaps I will also be held in love. 

Comment by Slick on May 25, 2018 at 4:32am

Nancy ....I learned when my Dad died that the first year my Mother wanted people to wish her a Happy Anniversary , everyone is different....but I will say a prayer and be thinking of you today...I know exactly what you mean about being "held in love" it is a feeling I have had many times in the past 7 years since my husband passed and 20 since my daughter has....I can usually tell who is with me , it's a bit of a different feeling. and the tears flow and flow.....yes it is a very unpredictable journey, no rights and wrongs, your way...Peace 

Comment by NancyD on May 24, 2018 at 8:06pm

Just wanted to share this:  It's our first wedding anniversary since my husband died 8 months ago.  I was dreading it.  But this morning I was surprised by waking up with a sense of being "held in love".  I can't really describe it, but it felt wonderfully peaceful and reassuring.  Later I took flowers to the grave and thanked him for loving me so well. Lots of tears, but it all seemed OK. <sigh>  What a strange, unpredictable journey this grief is! Thanks for all your sharing and support. 

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on May 24, 2018 at 5:58pm

I've seen my husband in airports more than once.  But the weirdest experience I had with OMG THERE HE IS was when I saw the movie "Loving."  There's a scene where the LIFE Magazine photographer comes to take photos, and when the actor, Michael Shannon, walks towards Richard Loving in the movie, he looks JUST like my husband.  The thing is, my husband looked NOTHING like Michael Shannon, but no matter how many times I watch that movie (and it is a terrific film, if you haven't seen it), the minute that photographer appears in the picture, I think it looks like my husband.

Comment by Gary'swife on May 24, 2018 at 4:02pm

As Memorial Day approaches I realize how many people I knew and loved are dead. 

Slick and shelley- I understand what you mean about seeing someone you thought was your husband.  I am now to the point where I will just say to myself "that guy looked a bit like Gary", but for quite some time I would get startled, and you all know what I mean, when you thought you saw him (or her). 

I am now taking care of my brother who had a stroke a year ago.  When I allow myself to think that he won't live forever...it just makes me so sad.  But then, I won't live forever either, so guess I just hope to outlive him as there is no one else to take care of him.

Sending hugs to all.

Comment by Slick on May 24, 2018 at 3:48pm

Shelley and Riet...I have experienced the "that's her" when my daughter died and so did both of my other daughters...I would drive around the block because I knew it was her ....

My husband passed 7+ years ago....just last week I looked at a picture of us on vacation ..and as if all of a sudden enlightened ...I said to him..."You're not coming back are you" the disbelief even shocked me....but that's how I felt all of a sudden....I wish there were groups for widows and widowers who were some years down the road.....I went for a year and it was the most supportive place I could be...I miss it now...and wish there was somewhere I could go and talk to widows and widowers who are 5-7-10 years down the road....I have heard that just as year #2 for most is harder then the first year..year #7 I have heard is also a turning point year....I'm sorry if that offends anyone...Peace to all.

Comment by shelley on May 24, 2018 at 3:39pm

Riet, My husband died on November 10, 2017.  For months after he died, whenever I was outside, I would think I saw him.  Then I transitioned into noticing that someone was wearing his shirt, his shorts, his Tilly hat, that it was not him.  I thought I was past thinking I'd see him; thought I'd come to some form of acceptance.  Then yesterday as I drove to my grief support group, I was positive that I saw him- walking down the street.  The group's agenda was to challenge ourselves by saying the words, "He's not coming back."  It's a tough one.  Somewhere in me I know he's not coming back.  But I still think I see him.  

Comment by Barzan on May 24, 2018 at 2:34pm

Riet and Whoever else is interested, I was given a book soon after my husband passed that helped me immensely day by day.  It is "Living With Loss" by Ellen Sue Stern.  These are meditations for grieving widows.  It is like a blueprint or guidebook on grief.  I believe it's available through Amazon.  My copy is so dog eared from reading and re-reading.  My thoughts are with you.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on May 24, 2018 at 1:35pm

Riet, i get this!. I remember feeling this soon after. It is hard. But keep coming here and give us your thoughts. There's no way I can tell you how it will change, only it will. Not in the same way for everyone. This is truly a unique experience. And yet the same. Thank goodness for everyone here. Hugs back!

 

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