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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by shelley Sep 15. 10 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by bblue5 Sep 13. 6 Replies


Started by Mike. Last reply by Athena53 Aug 28. 19 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by LP on June 23, 2018 at 5:21am

When you feel the tears start to come, let them come. If you want to attend a concert, go - you can always leave if it gets too much. There is no right way to do this. I know now that I'm helpless to stop the waves of grief coming down on me, so I just go through them telling myself that they do pass.  But it is important not to suppress the sadness. I know that first experiences of things you used to enjoy together can be really painful, but I think it is good to go through them because then you can adjust to the new reality, and eventually going to favourite places helps to keep the memories alive. When I go to these places, I alleviate the pain by talking to my husband as if he were there (not out loud, but sometimes I do that too!). I strolled through the botanic gardens the other day and subtly held my hand out as if he were holding it and I whispered under my breath describing the roses to him. 

Comment by riet on June 23, 2018 at 4:58am

And a big hug for you dear Susan. !!!

Comment by booktime (Susan) on June 23, 2018 at 4:33am

Dear Shelley, dear Riet,

This journey is so new and raw for you still. I do not even remember the first 6 months after Ed died. A blur of going to work and learning that I was alone. And everything did hurt. (I only know this because I read my journal from those days - I don't remember)

Now as I approach the 5th anniversary, I still feel lonely but I am trying to embrace that feeling and make it my friend. Yes I am alone - how can I make this time important to me? to others? I'm not saying this clearly but I feel steadier on my feet and more ready to handle the loneliness.

Riet, I know exactly how you feel about the music! That has taken time and I can now listen to music with enjoyment. But in the beginning I could not listen at all. Now it's a way of bringing him closer to me.

Hugs to you both - hope you can get something out of my ramble.

Comment by riet on June 22, 2018 at 10:53pm

dear Shelley,

I am asking myself the same question. My dear husband died now 2 months ago. I have moments I can't go on and lock myself in the bathroom to yell and scream. 

I miss him so much.  I don't seem to able to do things we both liked. I barely can listen to the music we both liked so much.  We were fond of classic rock. 

Some concerts by our favorite artists are taking place this summer here in the area. We would have gone to them together.  I am not able to do it without my husband.  My grandson offered to go with me. So nice, but I can't, I feel I would crash, wishing so heavily my husband was there with me.

Music for the moment triggers memories so hard I am a bit scared to hear it. I want him so much near me then.

And I realize how much I still am in love with him.  And he is no longer there.

Sorry this is not what you wanted to hear. I am scared of it myself.  The only thing I do on this moments is go for a ride on my bike.  Counting the distance .  Not looking at the scenery.  Just biking till I am exhausted.  And then I feel less of the pain.

I must be going out of my mind I think sometimes.  

Dear Shelley, a lot of hugs to you.

Comment by Gary'swife on June 22, 2018 at 10:08pm

Shelley... I often call a friend, maybe one who is also widowed.  I remind myself I am still alive, and what do I want to do with the rest of my life.  I am not saying this makes missing your spouse any easier.....I also sometimes journal, telling him how much I miss him.  Sending hugs.  It just sucks.

Comment by shelley on June 22, 2018 at 7:22pm

Suggestions welcomed-  what do you do when you're just so lonely and miss your spouse so much?

Comment by chef (John) on June 13, 2018 at 6:29am


True, dat! (...until it [the memory] comes back to you...and it usually comes at the most unexpected moment...) :-)

Comment by Muns on June 5, 2018 at 9:43am

Yes Barzan!  Steve had such a good memory for names and places.  Me, not so much, and now that I am a widow it is even worse.  Also I am finding being in the second year can be harder.  I saw this in an earlier post and it is so true.  I guess the shock is wearing off and reality is settling in.  I don't want to scare those that are so new to this though, it is a journey.  Bless you all for being here and posting.  It helps so much.  

Comment by LP on June 4, 2018 at 12:07pm

Yes, Barzan, no one to share jokes with, pet names. I am in the UK and we are going through something called Brexit at the moment - my Chris was an economist and he could explain all the ramifications to me. There is no one to ask now. I planted his favourite roses for him in the garden where I'll put some of his ashes. But he will never see them. I'm not spiritual or religious, but I like to fool myself with the comforting fantasy that he CAN see them and is saying "good job".

Comment by LP on June 4, 2018 at 12:03pm

Yes, Riet and Melissa, i go through that too. I was with good friends for lunch Sunday  - sunny, warm day, beautiful garden - and I could smile and join in the conversation, but always thinking "Chris isn't here". Although I treasure the memories, it hurts to know that no more new memories will be made with him. The hard fact is very distressing. Breathe deep. One day at a time.

we all get what you feel.


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