This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Born in the 50s

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Members: 718
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Discussion Forum


Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Athena53 Jun 20. 82 Replies

Giving Myself a Panic Attack

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 10. 9 Replies

The hardest time of day

Started by Tess. Last reply by 1988zinnia Jun 8. 26 Replies

Deja Vu all over again?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 2. 4 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Born in the 50s to add comments!

Comment by Barzan on June 27, 2018 at 5:15am

Thanks Mike.  I just signed up for Widows and Widowers.  Always good  to have access to several avenues of support.  

Comment by Mike on June 27, 2018 at 4:34am

This is a great group and has helped me a lot. For those of you on Facebook there is another group wihich I find helpful. It is Widows and Widowers, All Welcomed. I find this group helpful also. The link is below :

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on June 25, 2018 at 12:54pm

@Lioness:  I always remind myself that I had given up on ever finding someone to spend my life with literally the day before I met my husband.  And I never dreamed that day that we would ever even go on a date, never mind spend 30 years together.  No, it wasn't all moonlight and roses, and the last ten years were hard sometimes (I now know that a lot of this was what was going on in his brain, but I couldn't know then).  But I am so grateful that I had it, especially when I think about what I thought my life would be like just the day before I met him.

Comment by Lioness on June 25, 2018 at 11:04am

Yes I can relate to that so much. A close friend who is in an unhappy marriage for 30 years reminded me the other day that I was so lucky to have been in a wonderful loving relationship for 28 years with my husband, while she had spent all her married life wishing she was not married to a deadbeat. She reminded me that I still had all the happy memories of our time together, and focused me on that instead of the pain of missing him. I am 5 years without him, and miss him every day. I recently found a group for widows and widowers that share social events, not a matchmaking group, but a safe place to be social. We'll see how it goes, but hope to make some new friends who understand the pain of losing the love of my life, and are open with sharing stories, as well as laughter. I feel lucky to have found this group, a couple hundred widows and widowers.  There are do many people in this world who have lost their lives, we are truly not alone as we struggle to find new life and meaning. 

Comment by Muns on June 25, 2018 at 9:57am

So sorry for your loss Allan.  LP, I so appreciated your post.  "Of course, that's why the pain is so bad, but it means we have had something many people never get in their lives.  And I wouldn't have given up those 23 deeply happy years for not feeling pain now."  I also had 23 happy and loving years.

Comment by Melissa on June 24, 2018 at 9:11pm

Allan_sch, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how much you miss your wife. As LP said, we had LOVE. There are so many people who never felt the kind of love we felt for our person. That love is a blessing, and it never dies. I wish you peace and comfort in this new season of life.

Comment by Allan_sch on June 24, 2018 at 5:45pm

I was married for 30 years with my wife, I sure miss her. She went home to be with the Lord on May 14th 

Comment by shelley on June 24, 2018 at 5:41pm

NoLongerinBergenJC, I like your comment, 'lost 2/3 of who you've been... the Him and the US'.  I feel so incredibly lost so much of the time.  Have no idea who I am or who I want to be.  Losing 2/3 is a comforting number-  like it's okay to be as lost as I am.   

Comment by LP on June 24, 2018 at 2:54pm

I agree, there is no “why”. I look at men my husband ‘s age, who are walking around fit and healthy, and ask why him and not you? It is just the way it is.  But look at all the messages here - they all describe the pain of lost love- and that’s this important thing - we have all had love. Of course, that’s why the pain is so bad, but it means we have had something  many people never get in their lives. And I wouldn’t have given up those 23 deeply happy years for  not feeling pain now.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on June 24, 2018 at 1:00pm

Riet, I agree with Bergen on much.

I have been part of a widow's group for the last 4 years - it's a different kind of group in that our intent is to have fun and experience new things. But we also talk, oh do we talk, and help each other. One of the best things one of them said to me as I approached our anniversary, his birthday, was to think of something Ed did that made me laugh. Since then I have thought of many things and will catch myself actually laughing out loud!

This is too soon for you but I say it to let you know that there will be good and strong memories of your husband of what he was like before he was ill. But as Bergen said, you will need to want  that and you will know when you do.

Now just be gentle with yourself and don't let anyone push you into things you don't feel comfortable with. Your grief is yours and yours alone. It will get better in that our lives are forever changed and we adjust to our new normal.



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