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Born in the 50s

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Members: 740
Latest Activity: 13 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Alysoun Nov 30, 2018. 24 Replies

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by Tekwriter Oct 6, 2018. 13 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Tekwriter on October 9, 2018 at 4:01am

It has been 6 months. Yesterday was awful. Cried on and off all day. Just thought of things all day that reminded me of him. Is this still normal?

Comment by Tekwriter on October 6, 2018 at 5:53am

I will check and see when the next set of classes are. I had been waiting since May. They are not close together. If they are in the bad weather I won't drive, so we will see. I am not a new people person, which I guess is bad.

Comment by Tess on October 5, 2018 at 10:35am

Tekwriter, yes it is difficult to get through those major events without your partner. Every time one of those life changes comes up, it feels that much harder. Just know that your husband is overseeing your choice and is supporting you. I do hope your son is all right now. I'm sure it is a lovely house and you and your son will make it your own before you know it.

I will be selling my house next year and moving temporarily in with my daughter until we find something together. It will be nearly three years by that point and though I am more than ready to move, I know it will be hard. Don't second guess yourself and your choice. I think that hesitancy will always be there to a degree.

Comment by Gary'swife on October 5, 2018 at 10:06am

Tekwriter-  Oh that is tough.  Is your son OK now?   Don't give up on going to grief classes.  It's good to "talk" with people here, but it's also to go to a group.

Comment by Tekwriter on October 5, 2018 at 5:41am

Hello all, I am buying a house right now and the paperwork is so overwhelming without my husband. I know he would have loved the house we chose and am sad he cannot be there. Of course if he were here we would not have needed to move so..... It is all hard now. I missed the beginning of my grief classes because my son was in ICU so that is out now. I don't know, it is probably just as good to speak to others on here.

Comment by NancyD on October 3, 2018 at 2:51pm

Susan, Melissa, and riet:  Yes to all those feelings for me, too!  It's been a year since my husband died and it feels like I've had to make SO many decisions, all without the one person whom I relied on to help me reason things out, make choices, feel reassured that they were good choices, etc.  Decisions about car, house, investments.  So hard after 42 years of having a partner to participate in all of those.  It seems like those things took up a lot of time and energy the first year.  It was exhausting and overwhelming for sure.  But maybe I'm getting better at it, just a little bit?  There have been no catastrophic consquences so maybe I'm doing OK?!?  :)

riet, your walnut tree story struck a chord with me, too.  Yesterday my daughter was driving me home from a doctor's appointment an hour away from here and we drove under a pedestrian bridge that has very cool beams and lights. It was built five or ten years ago.  How many times did Frank and I drive that way and comment on it?  We would always say it would be fun to pull off the freeway and talk a walk across that bridge.  Never did and it makes me feel sad.  Such a little thing, but it does.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on October 3, 2018 at 1:39pm

Oh Riet, this resounds with me. I remember the winter after he died we got so much snow - feet! And I would look out the window and say, I have to get myself out of here! I did have someone plow the drive but I had to do the walkway. A lot of tears fell at that time.

I also remember the first time I successfully did a "repair". The first thing that came to mind was that Ed would be so proud of me.

And Melissa, I had to put both our dogs down - they were 15 and 16.  It was hard.

I feel for all of us going thru this. I am in a very fortunate place right now with a neighbor who takes care of all the maintenance.  He is very good to me. (And it is just that - he's a neighbor!)

But those first times making those decisions, yes, I remember.

Hugs.

Comment by Melissa on October 3, 2018 at 12:24pm

Riet, that's the hardest thing. Having to decide alone, when you used to be able to discuss everything. All those things add up. The things we hardly noticed when our Beloveds were alive. The electricity. My husband would laugh and take care of it. The flat tires. Little things when he was alive, now so exhausting.

I had to make the decision to have our 17 year old dog euthanized last week. I had to take her by myself and hold her while she died. We got her when she was six weeks old. She watched the kids grow up, and my husband loved her so. I wanted so much to talk to him about it. Am I doing the right thing? The vet said I was, but I wanted my husband with me for such an important thing.

It's all so hard and so tiring. My heart goes out to you, Riet.

Comment by riet on October 3, 2018 at 7:55am

Since my husband died 5 months ago, I see lots of things collapse around me. His favorite tree is dying in the garden. I had troubles with my car and last but not least troubles with my electricity.  My husband would have taken care of all these things. Never I had to worry about it. Amongst all other things, this has changed drastically.

When on Sunday night, at 10 pm the electricity went,  I was in the dark and on my own. Fortunately I could reach out for the neighbors, who immediately came to help.

After some research, The micro wave oven seemed to have a short circuit. Ok new oven.  I was happiest of course with the fact that the lights went on again. Thanks so much everyone who came to my rescue.

  Later that day, the trailer got flat fires. It had not been used since his illness.  But on the same day, I wanted to bring away some of his old stuff to charity, the trailer gave up.

And now I am tired of it.  What else will come to me. 

What a good time I have had when my husband was still alive.

  And than there is  his walnut tree.  Years ago, he planted one nut in a pot.  It did very well, so it was planted in the garden.

Every year, my husband watched it and hoped for nuts.  Never they came.  But this year, after his dead, this tree has given buckets and buckets of delicious nuts.

We all enjoy them, but my husband should have seen it. So sad.  Sometimes I can't eat a nut without crying.

I miss him so very much. We used to discuss everything together. And now  I have to  decide alone.

I wished him to be with me.

Comment by Shoosie2 on September 27, 2018 at 5:16pm

Hi Jan, Like you, I am trying to figure out where to go when I retire. 5 years in the future, but we never know what will get thrown at us. I have found several websites on shared housing, which for me, sound good. Right now I own my own house, but it's in the middle of nowhere, so when I retire, I don't want to buy. Seniorhomeshare.com is where either homeowner, or those looking to rent a room, can fill out questionnaires about what they are looking for, and they match you up.

Shelley, that's good to know about Santa Cruz. My sister lives part time in Palm Springs in a senior trailer community, and she has a blast there with all the support and events going on. I only pray that I can find that too. My niece is just moving out of Santa Cruz for another job in Vallejo, but she loved it there. I live in a rural area of the foothills, and there is nothing like that here.  

I also found a lot of links to shared housing on the AARP website

Best of Luck

steph

 

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