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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Alysoun Nov 30, 2018. 24 Replies

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by Tekwriter Oct 6, 2018. 13 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Gary'swife on October 29, 2018 at 1:02pm

Tess-   I too often want someone to come to my rescue.  My husband has been dead 4 years, and a year ago my oldest brother had a stroke so I am taking care of him.  I will be honest, it's nice to have the company, and he doesn't complain (which is great).  BUT, I have to be responsible for everything....clogged toilets, car trouble...you understand.    We got a dog in Aug. because my brother has always wanted one (hasn't had one since he was a kid).  It's a great dog, but a rescue found on the street, and has ended up with mites which cause mange, so of course I must do the caregiving for the dog, and my brother.  And, last week he was walking the dog (which was one of the reasons to get the dog),but he thought he could run to keep up with her, fell, and ended up needing 7 stitches in his thumb.  So now, another thing added to my caregiving.   But, when I want to complain, I think about how I would be sitting alone in my house missing my Gary, without all these distractions.    

I went to a funeral last week of a friend of my mother's....I feel so awful for her husband, as it was their 2nd marriage each and they were 2 peas in a pod.  He will be so lonely, and I know I should call him...and I will....but it is just a reminder to me how life changes when you loose your spouse.

Comment by Tess on October 29, 2018 at 12:29pm

Tekwriter, I am so sorry for your weekend. How long has it been for you?

I know it's no consolation, but I also had a terrible weekend. My toilet is backed up and I had this unreal expectation that one of our mutual friends would come to my rescue. Not so. I am feeling lately like I want someone so desperately to literally come to my rescue. It may not be entirely that, but at the least, I want to be part of a friendship, group, where people encourage me and tell me that I'm doing fine, maybe occasionally adding a hand-holding. I just don't have that. Sometimes I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin with grief and anxiety.

I've been feeling like the most I will ever have is survival. I don't see myself thriving in this new widow role. That's just me being realistic.

So you see, you are not alone. I am sending you encouragement to keep going. Let the grief come when and how it does. Hugs and peace to you.

Comment by chef (John) on October 29, 2018 at 8:09am

Tekwriter, 

It's awful, yes, but it's also (unfortunately) quite "normal". Grief has a sneaky way of circling 'round and hitting us when we do not expect it--hence, your feeling of being overwhelmed. You did the right thing by posting. I hope that the feeling has subsided--even a little--as you read this. Hugs to you too.

John

Comment by Tekwriter on October 29, 2018 at 6:51am

This has been such an awful weekend. The grief has been overwhelming again. I had been managing okay for the las 5 months and it seems to have started over again. This is so awful.

Comment by Barzan on October 29, 2018 at 6:28am

Shelley, It's been little over 7 years since my husband passed and his presence was felt for about 5 of those years.  I, too, had the same experience where he told me he had to move on.  I was broken for days afterwards.  But, thinking back, I realized that he didn't leave until he felt I was ready to fully live my life.  He encouraged me to move on with my life.  I have accepted it and have created a life separate of ours and doing okay.  This doesn't mean that I don't miss him because I do every day.  

Comment by shelley on October 28, 2018 at 8:18pm

Thank you, Melissa.  You made it through the first anniversary.  Hope you're okay.  

Comment by Melissa on October 28, 2018 at 7:59pm

Shelley, this is still new to us and we don't know what kinds of feelings to expect. Grief seems to have innumerable ways to manifest. We think we know what to expect, then we're hit with a new feeling out of the blue.

It could have something to do with the party. There's one thing I am sure of. You and John are together forever. He'll always be part of you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it passes soon. ((Hugs))

Comment by shelley on October 28, 2018 at 1:59pm

Having such a hard day today.  I should know better than to question it.  I've been feeling lately like John is telling me that he can't stay with me forever.  Very recently felt him say that it's time for him to move on.  Friday night I woke in the middle of the night (not uncommon, I don't sleep well) and was startled by a new and unfamiliar sensation- complete and overwhelming emptiness.  Like my body was just a hollow shell.  No sadness, no sorrow, no love, no longing, no anxiety, no feelings.  It was creepy.   I kept myself busy Saturday but the nothingness in me and its impact continued.  Really fell apart last night and it continues today.  I wonder if this has something to do with the party I went to last week where none of my/our friends mentioned John-  as if he never existed.  

Comment by riet on October 28, 2018 at 10:51am

Dear friends, 

Suzan,  Melissa, Shelley, LP, Carlady, and John and everyone of this community, your friendship makes this sad time so much more bearable.

So many bright spots in this dark tunnel.  Thanks to all of you.

Comment by chef (John) on October 28, 2018 at 10:16am

Riet,

Sorry for your pain. Hugs from the southern shore of Lake Erie.

John

 

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