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Born in the 50s

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Comment by shelley on November 12, 2018 at 8:54pm

Thanks, Melissa.  Yes, I thought 'I made it through one whole year!'  This must be a milestone.  Life must get better.  But no. It's just on to year two.  Another year without him.  Makes no sense to me.  But it is what it is.  Yuck.   

Comment by Melissa on November 12, 2018 at 8:15pm

I know, Shelley. I thought something would change after the first anniversary. We made it a whole year! Shouldn't just acknowledging that strength help us feel a little better?

Nope. Not for me. If anything, it feels worse in certain ways. I don't even know how to describe it; maybe it just seems truer now, after a year. He's really not coming back, and life keeps right on moving. There is just no choice but to move with it, even if I don't seem to be going anywhere.

I know you miss him, Shelley. We always will. My heart is with you.

Comment by shelley on November 12, 2018 at 12:32pm

So... made it through the first anniversary of my husband's death on Saturday.  Thinking of it as just another awful day, although a notable awful day, helped.  But now I'm crying all the time, all day, Sunday & Monday.  I'm so sad.  What gives?  I know there's no figuring grief out, it has a life of its own.  But...  any ideas, experiences?  It feels a little like 'I can't believe it's been a year and now I'm entering year two'.  And, of course, as always, I miss him so much.  

Comment by Melissa on November 9, 2018 at 10:27am

Those YouTube relaxation videos have helped me a lot too, TP. They even have some that go on for 12 hours, so you can just have them going all night.

I got an app for my phone called Calm. It has all kinds of sounds and pictures and meditation things that are very helpful for me. I tend to hyperventilate, so the breathing section is good for me. 

Do whatever helps. There doesn't seem to be any logic in good days and bad days. I wish you more good days.

Take care~

Comment by TP on November 9, 2018 at 6:37am

This sure is a roller coaster.  After a couple days of making some progress, today is painful, and I don't really know why.  Waking up crying has been going on intermittently since my wife was diagnosed, but I haven't woke up this sad in sometime. I've used 'you tube' for many subjects and recently came across a meditative sounds type of listen.  While my wife was ill she often had such music on to relax and even while she slept. Her condition forced her to sleep sitting up for over a year.... plus she  was light years ahead of me regarding anything spiritual or mind body. I can only say it seems to help. As I've (always) had trouble meditating / praying or even being silent ... these are helping calm my mind. 

Comment by Melissa on November 8, 2018 at 11:08am

I'm so sorry, Shelley. The one year mark really is just another day in a world of misery. Just get through the day as best you can. Be good to yourself. Talk to us. We understand. I will be thinking about you this weekend.

Much love~

Comment by LP on November 8, 2018 at 12:29am

I’m so sorry Shelly. Just let the sadness flow- we are here to hear you. I think that there is nothing we can do do to brace ourselves. They always tell you that if you’re caught by a riptide while swimming in the ocean, you should go with it because struggling against it makes it worse. I find this thought helps when I’m caught in the tsunami of grief. It hurts because his death WAS awful. Go with it, go through it acknowledging the sheer awfulness and you will come out the other side. We’ll be here to catch you.

Comment by shelley on November 7, 2018 at 6:55pm

So... this weekend will be the first anniversary of my husband's death.  I've thought about it, read about it, talked to other widows about it.  My life is so awful now.  Every day.  I decided not to do anything special-  just get through the day like I get through every other day.  And now, a few days before the anniversary, I find myself remembering what it felt like when the doctors told me that it was time to let him go.  I remember leaving the ICU panicked, crying, and a stranger finding me a box of kleenex.  I'm remembering calling my Mom because I  needed my Mom.  I'm thinking about lying down with him in bed as he died.  I still don't want to do anything special, still plan to just get through the day, but I am surprised at all the old feelings and memories surfacing.  Completely unconsciously.  Yuck.  

Comment by Lissa on November 7, 2018 at 3:22pm

God help me I have become the grumpy old lady in my neighborhood. I feel like standing outside and yelling at everyone to get off my yard. 

Thanks all I was able to laugh just writing this.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on November 7, 2018 at 8:42am

@marybarcelos:  The men  who want to follow you are not military and engineers, they are scammers -- probably young guys sitting in a room in Nigeria or elsewhere, pulling people's photos off the web and pretending to be single men.  Ignore them, block them, don't engage at all with them.

Lonely people are vulnerable and these guys prey on them.  Don't be prey.


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