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Born in the 50s

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Comment by irishlady (jan) on November 26, 2018 at 9:07am

Riet...the same exact thing happened to me in a supermarket. I followed a man in same size, same hair, same walk..everything. Left me sad. And when my Father passed away I swore I saw him walking into a local store. Same looks, same clothes.  (((hugs))))

Comment by riet on November 26, 2018 at 8:50am

I had a "lousy" experience.  I was walking with some good friends in the park and before me I saw a man who looked just as my husband. From behind,  he had the same hair, the same jacket, the same wheelchair. I knew it wasn't him .  But I saw us running towards each other. Hugging and telling how we missed each other terribly. And crying and crying. 

Nothing of that happened of course.  But I wanted it so badly.

And now I am just without any energy . I still have a hard time believing that my husband will never return.

Comment by Tekwriter on November 23, 2018 at 6:59am

Melissa think carefully before  you step out. I volunteered for something at my church with the same thinking. After I discovered I just fell apart before Thanksgiving, I just dropped out.  I am pretty sure I won't be able to follow through. Yesterday wasn't too bad, but the week leading up was just awful.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on November 21, 2018 at 1:40pm

You know, I think we are the bravest people around! Every day we have to face a life without our loved one. That takes strength. We may not feel that strength but it's there.

Yes take care tomorrow. It is my second Thanksgiving not at my mom's. It feels better this year but I miss her so much. Which makes me miss Ed so much. but I'll be with my two sisters so I've got that.

Hugs to all!

Comment by Melissa on November 21, 2018 at 12:05pm

Shelley, I'm so proud of you for getting through the anniversary.

We seem to be in the same place on this awful journey. I need new pillows for the bed, but I can't get them because Gilbert slept on these pillows, and I want to keep putting my head where he put his, no matter how flat the pillows have become.

I've been thinking that I need to do something brave, to shake myself back to life. I can't think of anything, either.

Everyone take care of yourselves tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you.

Much love~

Comment by Barzan on November 21, 2018 at 5:47am

Shelley, LP and Tekwriter,  I'm in the middle of year 7.  Like all of you, I moved through year 1 like a zombie.  There is no right or wrong way to feel.  Just know that you aren't crazy or irrational, just grieving.  It takes on many faces and we just let the wave take us where it will.  I assure you that you will cope better as the years move on.  I still miss my love terribly but I know he resides in my heart and I still talk to him - but not as much as I used to.  Shelley, try not to turn down invitations from friends.  One day, they will stop if you don't push yourself to join in.  It may be therapeutic.  That is exactly what I did.  I have good friends who cared enough to help me through the rough times.  

Don't be too hasty to get rid of his things.  You will know when the time comes.  

I hope you all make it through Thanksgiving without too many battle scars and just be thankful that you had him in your lives as longa as you did. 

Sending virtual hugs to ALL of you.

Suzan

Comment by Tekwriter on November 21, 2018 at 4:33am

I am starting 7 months out. I decided to order flowers for him instead of make them. I did not realize how hard it would be. I have been in melt down mode for a couple of days now. It is almost as bad as the beginning. We are eating out for Thanksgiving because we are still in holding pattern to move. I have started to think of buying  party platters for Christmas and eating out for new years day.  This is so hard. What is the worst is that you can cry so hard that you sides and throat and chest hurt, but unlike normal problems where you get it out and then go on to pick yourself up and find a way out, there is no way out. This will never change now matter what you do or how hard you cry, this is the way it is and you must somehow find a way through the pain, but it does not change the ways things are.

Comment by irishlady (jan) on November 21, 2018 at 4:25am

shelley....Just take it one step at a time...one day at a time. I agree...do not try to look to the future. Just live in that moment and get through it. that's what helped me anyway. I always felt this journey to me, was like pushing a wheelbarrow of rocks up a mountain. It's hard, you may slip back some days or have to stop for a while and take a breath before you continue on, but you will get there.  As for doing something brave...you are already doing it. Just surviving this ordeal is brave enough. (((hugs))) to you on this journey none of us ever wanted.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on November 21, 2018 at 1:45am

Shelley, LP is right on with her words. I would only add: breathe and take it day by day, moment by moment if you have to. When you start looking too far ahead, that is what is so unknown and scary.

It's ok to hold onto what you know.

I don't think it's so much moving forward as just moving.

The first half of my first year I don't even remember! Just take it step by step. The days will change for you - it's not the same but a new different.

Hugs.

Comment by LP on November 20, 2018 at 11:37pm

This takes a long time to get used to. A year is nothing. It’s absolutely  OK to feel this way. I too have withdrawn from friends who haven’t lost anyone and don’t get it. I too find comfort  in the company of other widows. It’s perfectly natural. Please be kind to yourself. 

You don’t need to change - you don’t need to throw anything out. There are no rules. You may find  that one day maybe even years down the line, you will be able to get rid of things that no longer carry meaning. But right now almost everything will carry meaning. You’ve suffered a huge loss, don’t force yourself to lose more by throwing stuff away. If it hurts, it’s not time yet yet for change. 

 

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