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Born in the 50s

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Crazy - taxes

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Comment by Barzan on December 3, 2018 at 10:40am

This time of year is very trying for all of us.  Even the Christmas carols are about joy and family sharing the holiday spirit.  These songs are not sung for us.  I will put on my holiday face and live through it as I have done for 7 years.  I think about our traditions that died with him.  

I know that what we here feel needs to be kept hidden from our family and friends.  Out of love for them, I don’t wish them to suffer with me.  I will start each day saying something that I am grateful for and hope that my mood by Christmas Day will rise to the occasion.

hugs to all,


Comment by riet on December 3, 2018 at 10:18am

This song reminds me of our beautiful time together. Unfortunately, it is now over. Sometimes I think I can continue with this reality. Nothing is less true. The Christmas preparations in the houses around make me so angry. How can people decorate their homes if my dearest is no longer there. Next week is his birthday. Our children and I will certainly celebrate it, but it will be a bittter sweet experience. My grief is as bad as the day when he died. I wish I could hide away in a hibernation to avoid these sad days. My husband would not allow this. He wanted to be a cheerful family together. And always asked me to continue this tradition. And then asked to think again of "that old fool". How could he say that? He is not a moment out of my mind. I read somewhere: grief comes and goes like the waves in the sea. For me the sea is now very stormy. Rarely did I feel so exhausted.

Comment by Melissa on December 1, 2018 at 3:17pm

Thank you for this, LP.

I love The King and I, and this song has always made me teary. Now that I'm a widow, I understand Anna better.

Comment by LP on December 1, 2018 at 1:07pm

On another note, for us who were born in the 1950s, here’s a link to a video of a song that has always brought me to tears in a happy/sad way since we did this musical at school in the 70s. Little did I know then how true it would ring for me now. My nephew in Texas has just told me that he intends to propose to his girlfriend early next before they visit me here in England. Whenever I hear of young people setting out, I wish them all the happiness that Chris and I had. Here’s the song - Hello Yong Lovers from the musical The King and I, where the widow Anna remembers her husband.

Comment by on November 29, 2018 at 9:36am

I really relate to you all about kids and trying to figure out how to navigate to hear medical procedures when you live alone. I’m in the same boat this coming month. I am blessed to have a girl friend who is taking off work to go with me and even stay the night afterward. I meet her four years. Ago in a Grief Share meeting and she really gets it. Even though I don’t like asking for help, it’s reassuring to know someone you can share these problems with. I love my sons, but cannot always get them involved.  Don’t give up. You may find some friends and be able to network these kinds of life struggles together.

Comment by Tekwriter on November 29, 2018 at 4:56am

I have two son's and only one of them is in a relationship. I think I might have to go to a rehab center after until I can get around. I had ankle surgery 8 years ago, and breast cancer surgery 5 years ago, but my husband was there for both and my younger song was engaged at the time to a girl I got along with very well and she helped me with the bandages and things after the breast surgery. I do no think I would be in the same place with the knee surgery. I think it will be a good idea to speak with the Dr. ahead of time and make arrangements. It has been really helpful to get the thoughts out of my head and talk to someone about them.

Comment by Melissa on November 28, 2018 at 11:28am

I worry about that a lot, Tekwriter. 

I would suggest explaining things to your doctor, and I'm sure they can arrange the care you'll need. We can't be the only ones who are alone!

Good luck with the knee surgery!

Comment by irishlady (jan) on November 28, 2018 at 10:19am

Tekwriter...I wish you the best of luck. I had to go in for a colonoscopy just 4 months after my husband died. Same hospital. Very stressful. I just went in this summer for another one...5 years since the other, and I practically had to pay my kids to be there for me as I needed a ride to and from!!  My daughter wanted an exact time weeks ahead, and anyone who has had a procedure or surgery done, knows they don't book the time till a day or so before. Couldn't tell her though. And my youngest son, took me belligerently after many days of arguing. The other two sons were incommunicado. So, all in all, the colonoscopy was a breeze compared  to dealing with my kids!.

Comment by Athena53 on November 28, 2018 at 5:56am

Tekwriter, I worry about this all the time.  No surgery scheduled, but last month I needed a dental implant placed under sedation and had to hire a service to drive me there and back home (oral surgeon required that it be someone who waited there for me, not just Uber or a taxi).  It's times like this that you realize you're on your own.  I suppose that if I needed a long recovery period I'd find my way up to DS and DDIL's; they live 3 hours away and have 2 small kids (and a third on the way) but DDIL is a sweetheart and I think they'd put up with me!

Comment by chef (John) on November 28, 2018 at 5:07am

Riet, this happens--sooner for some, later for others.

Three years after my wife had died, I saw her "twin" while having breakfast in Toronto--a mere six-hour drive and an international border crossing from my house. Spilling my coffee over the table was the only giveaway to my astonishment of seeing a "ghost". (The waitress thought I was having a heart attack, since I was just staring ahead.) This was the only time I had ever had such an experience.


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