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Born in the 50s

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Comment by on December 21, 2018 at 12:28pm

Like you, Lostandsad, my 32nd Anniversary was yesterday and Thanksgiving Day was the fourth year of my husbands passing. A horribly hard season but not unbearable. It has gotten marginally easier each year. I’m doing just what you all are. Trying to fit in with family, making new memories. Old traditions are definitely out of the picture. Sad moments and longing for my love, but hoping God will see me through. Big hugs and wishes for peace e and comfort to you all.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on December 20, 2018 at 4:42pm

My heart does ache for all of you.

I am in a good place this Christmas - the 6th without Ed and the 2nd not at my mom's. I will be with my siblings and numerous nieces and nephews. New traditions are being born this year. I miss what was but look forward to these new configurations of family in new homes.

I know there will be moments when we will all acknowledge our dear ones no longer with us: my brother's wife, our parents, Ed. But many more moments as we fold into our family new members of the family. My little grand-niece.

Hugs to all.

Comment by Melissa on December 20, 2018 at 4:32pm

My heart breaks for us all. You have all been in my thoughts, my brothers and sisters on this horrible journey. Somehow, we will get through Christmas, because that's what we do. We get through things. We endure things. I suppose we get stronger every time we conquer one of these challenges, and we learn how to not just survive, but to live.

That's what I'm told by women who have been widows much longer than I. It won't always be so hard. Hugs to you all.

Comment by Barzan on December 20, 2018 at 3:54pm

Riet, Muns and LP,  It's been 7.5 years since my husband passed and the joy of Christmas still has not returned.  It gets a bit easier but the traditions died with him.  I'm lost at trying to create new ones because it just will not be the same.  I feel you pain and the deep sadness in your hearts. We will just put on our smiles and go through the motion for the family.  

Virtual hugs and support to all of you.


Comment by LostandSad on December 20, 2018 at 2:01pm

Today is our Wedding Anniversary. My heart is so broken. Would be 32 years. He was my whole life. I am so empty, I don't even feel like a person. My hubby went to heaven exactly 2 weeks before Christmas/2 weeks after Thanksgiving. Now our anniversary. :(  :(   This whole month is absolutely horrific. I feel like a zombie. I hate Christmas. I used to LOVE it. We LOVED it. It's way too hard to watch everyone celebrating with their husbands and family. I'm going to my brother's house Christmas Eve, but of course it's him and his wife, my mom and dad, everyone will have their husband. But me. Always, but me. I know you all are going through the same thing, and I'm so sorry for every single one of us. Nobody knows what it's like!!!  They are all cheery and happy and I can't wait until Jan 2nd. But then soon after, there will be Valentine's Day.......... 

Comment by riet on December 20, 2018 at 9:08am

 Muns and LP,  Warm Hugs to both of you.  

Comment by LP on December 20, 2018 at 9:00am

This is my first xmas without Chris and OMG is it hard. I have never been through pain like this. I knew it would be rough but...this is unreal. I've been really down, and a little up (relatively) and then really down. My mood changes by the minute. I've got a good friend staying with me for a few days - i feel like the hostess from hell, but she is so understanding and takes really good care of me. This morning I was a gibbering wreck and went to see the doctor, who increased my antidepressants - I know they are not the long-term answer, but right now I'll do anything to give me a little piece at this time of the year. The approach of winter also makes me sad, because C died in winter and it's all coming back to me. And pretty soon I won't be able to think "At his time last year I still had him". 

This is rough. 

Hang in there, fellow widows and widowers.

Comment by Muns on December 20, 2018 at 8:37am

Riet, I feel your pain and sorrow.  Christmas will never be the same.  My kids and grand kids keep me going forward, instead of retreating into the deep den.  Last year my daughter became a widow one week before I did.  She was 39 and her LH was 37.  I admire her strength and determination to make things "normal" for my 2 granddaughters, 6 and 8.  

I keep hoping I will wake up from this nightmare and wake up next to my husband.  Knowing that is not going to happen, I take one day at a time.  I wish everyone peace and some joy in this holiday season.

Comment by riet on December 20, 2018 at 7:35am

I never knew that the preparations for the Christmas festivities could hurt so much. Only by letting it happen next to me can I bear it a bit. Enjoyment is not there. Although my dear husband would certainly want that. If the children and grandchildren were not looking forward to the party, I'd prefer to crawl out of it, deep in my den.

I never knew that the preparations for the Christmas festivities could hurt so much. Only by letting it happen next to me can I bear it a bit. Enjoyment is not there. Although my dear husband would certainly want that. If the children and grandchildren were not looking forward to the party, I'd prefer to crawl out of it, deep in my den.

How beautiful was the time, when he was still with us. 

This time will never come back. I only hope to find a little peace with the situation. And to be a nicer grandma and mama. Because our whole family is suffering. We all miss him so much

Comment by marybarcelos on December 13, 2018 at 12:34pm

I have just read all the comments, wow, amazing insights.  I want to really thank Shelly for asking the big question on moving.  I too have been struggling on what to do with my home.  I have options, but the best answer I saw was the medical situation and having a support group.  Everyone had such good responses.  Thank you all


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