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Born in the 50s

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Comment by on December 29, 2018 at 10:03pm

Booktime, thank you for the comment about future feelings being different. I think you’re right about different not being a bad thing. After four years, I am just beginning to see a few things more realistically than before. I see now that my future is not completely in my control, and that it never was. For awhile I had been thinking when Jim died my whole world had collapsed and I had completely lost control of everything. I see now, that unexpected and unwanted events happened all along and I was handling those things, adapting and changing throughout the years. I’m feeling more confident now and that is different in a good way. The sadness is really about missing my husband, and the loss of our relationship.  That won’t ever go away, but as you said, other things can change and life can be improved over time. I’m looking forward a little, to some surprises left to be seen in my lifetime.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on December 29, 2018 at 12:04pm

Riet, you will become less numb and you will get thru these holidays without too many tears. This was my 6th year without Ed and I had one weepy moment up in the room where I was staying.

I feel I am making new memories and they aren't sad. I am seeing new traditions and they aren't sad either. I am spending New Year's Eve alone and I don't dread it. I used to do that before Ed. I guess I am learning who I am and appreciating what I can do.

A year from now will feel completely different. I don't say better. We know that can't be but being different isn't bad at all.

Hugs to you - it's still raw for you.

Comment by riet on December 29, 2018 at 9:13am

The only way to survive all this is to become completely numb. Can this be true? These days between Christmas and New Year bring me so many memories. It was the time of us together. No obligations in this week. So , every year, we went on an excursion wherever we wanted. In this time we were so close together. And now only memories and ... a lot of grief.  

Big hugs to all of you.,

Comment by Melissa on December 25, 2018 at 11:19pm

I'm so sorry, Shelley. At least Christmas is over. I hope you find some peace now that it's done. Hugs. xo

Comment by shelley on December 25, 2018 at 10:26pm

Heading to bed.  Made it through Christmas with only minimal crying and breakdowns.  Year two of widowhood is really, really awful. 

Comment by Melissa on December 25, 2018 at 10:59am

That's a wonderful idea, Suzan. I think I will do that. Tekwriter, I understand. I'm shocked when I look in the mirror. I've aged 20 years in the last year. I don't know how to smile the way I did when Gilbert was alive. Sending you hugs and strength to help you through the rest of Christmas.

Comment by Barzan on December 25, 2018 at 5:43am

Tekwriter,  My thoughts are with you and sending you a virtual hug.  It will get a little easier each year.  I'm passed the 7 year mark.  I miss him like crazy still.  Your husband and mine would not have us feeling so sad.  I always keep that in mind.  I suggest you write him a letter and do so every year.  Tell him how your year was and what you've done.  Save them.  As you reread them each year, you will see how you've grown into your new normal.  


Comment by Tekwriter on December 25, 2018 at 5:20am

We made it through Christmas Eve and are up to Christmas day. So far so good. I have cried enough the last week to get me through I hope. I was looking at pictures. The day my husband passed I had gone in the  morning to have blue streaks put in my hair and after taking him lunch and showing him I took pictures when I got home. There is a dividing line there. All the life and happy has left my face. I cannot smile all the way anymore and have deep lines beside my mouth now. It is weird to see pictures side by side.

Comment by on December 21, 2018 at 12:28pm

Like you, Lostandsad, my 32nd Anniversary was yesterday and Thanksgiving Day was the fourth year of my husbands passing. A horribly hard season but not unbearable. It has gotten marginally easier each year. I’m doing just what you all are. Trying to fit in with family, making new memories. Old traditions are definitely out of the picture. Sad moments and longing for my love, but hoping God will see me through. Big hugs and wishes for peace e and comfort to you all.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on December 20, 2018 at 4:42pm

My heart does ache for all of you.

I am in a good place this Christmas - the 6th without Ed and the 2nd not at my mom's. I will be with my siblings and numerous nieces and nephews. New traditions are being born this year. I miss what was but look forward to these new configurations of family in new homes.

I know there will be moments when we will all acknowledge our dear ones no longer with us: my brother's wife, our parents, Ed. But many more moments as we fold into our family new members of the family. My little grand-niece.

Hugs to all.


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