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Born in the 50s

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Comment by shelley on January 16, 2019 at 10:46am

Oh, Melissa.  What a horrible dream!  Are you having problems with your sisters & brothers in law?  I've had some weird and scary dreams but being cut with knives and jagged things-  really awful.  I'm so sorry.  Are you trying to figure out what the dream was getting at?  Or are you just enjoying seeing your husband and having him trying to protect you?  

Comment by booktime (Susan) on January 16, 2019 at 10:43am

I don't think I have ever dreamed about Ed or maybe I have. Not one to really remember!

Riet, I need to respond to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. We can be the hardest on ourselves and we need to be more gentle with ourselves. Believe you did what you could. I tell myself this. I didn't really know that Ed was going to die until about 4 hours before. That's when the hospice nurses said so.

I beat myself up a lot after he died - what did I do wrong, what could I have done differently, why didn't we talk, why, what, etc.

Now into my 6th year I am accepting that I did what I did and could. Nothing would have changed if I had done it differently.

The other thing I want to respond to you is I can never enjoy life's wonderful moments with Ed again but I can enjoy them. It's not the same - how can it be? But different is OK with me now.

I am not letting Ed go. In fact as I move forward in this new life, I hold him tighter. He's almost like my security blanket! He loved me, I loved him - how special was that! My life is what it is today because of him.

I just want to send hugs to you, Riet. It's still so raw for you but be gentle and kind to yourself. Breathe and take your time. It hurts like hell now but my experience is that the rawness changes. It's what we do with our lives from now on that matters - to you, to others, and your husband!


Comment by Melissa on January 16, 2019 at 10:35am

I had a dream about my husband the other night. His siblings were cutting me with knives and jagged things. My husband suddenly was standing beside me and asked why I was letting them hurt me like that.

I told him I would be happy to let them hurt me if it brought him back.

Not a good dream at all, but it was so good to see my husband, and he was trying to protect me, as he did in life. 

Comment by riet on January 16, 2019 at 6:57am

The dreams in which my husband lives are seldom pleasant. I see him and call him, and I know he hears me, but he can not answer and goes away.
I am always broken after such a dream. I'm even afraid to go to bed at night. I would like to ask him for his approval. And how sad I am that on the night he died, I did not do everything right. But I did not know that he would die then. I would like to hug him again. After nine months I hoped to move forward, but it looks like he died yesterday. I have never had so much grievance. The world and my life have lost all colors. Although it is winter here, the days are getting longer. I see that it will all change, only ... what does it matter if we can not enjoy it together?

Comment by Barzan on January 16, 2019 at 5:41am

It been over 7 years and I still (occasionally) have him in my dream.  What is weird is that he never speaks in these dreams.  Wonder if it means I'm forgetting his voice - which I know I'd recognize if I heard it.  I've had a few where he was lying next to me and only a few that were more intimate.  It is such a comforting feeling when I wake up and still feel like he'd been there with me.

Comment by AZBlueLady on January 15, 2019 at 11:47pm

I guess that is why they call them dreams; I've sure had some weird ones but I'll take them any day over nightmares.

Comment by LP on January 15, 2019 at 11:44pm

For the first 6 months or so, I didn’t dream about my husband. I had often had happy dream of him during his lifetime, and it worried me that I hadn’t dreamt of him since he died. But then I had the most wonderful dream. My husband had died of a degenerative neurological condition related to Parkinson’s which robb3d him slowly of all movement. In the dream, I was sitting next to him while he was lying on a sofa in a hotel lobby (yes, weird) in his PJs. I turned to a woman next to me and said, “my husband is dying”, and she said “Yes, I can see that”. But Chris was chatting to me, and then said he needed the bathroom. I was expecting to help him,  but then he got up and walked, stiffly at first, and broke into a faster walk. I said “you’re getting better!”, and he turned and smiled at me, and trotted off. 

I guess I know that he is not suffering anymore.

Comment by AZBlueLady on January 15, 2019 at 10:05pm

This is probably an unusual thing to say, but has anyone else experienced a dream of their husband which was of a more intimate nature? I have had a couple where I would swear that he felt like he was actually physically with me. I don't know if it is just because it has been so long or what, but these kind are different than the first dreams that I had of him where he would be lost in the dream and I would look and look and couldn't find him.

Comment by shelley on January 15, 2019 at 9:03pm

These days I often dream about John.  Sometimes the dreams are comforting.  In one recent dream I was standing next to him and put my head on his shoulder.  I can still feel the warmth from that connection, the electricity between us.  Sometimes the dreams are about me trying to let go of regrets.  I have so many regrets.  The dreams are always a little weird.  John is never the healthy man he once was.  He never looks at me with his beautiful blue eyes.  I think most of the dreams are about me trying to come to terms with the infinite amount of death-related stuff heaped upon me.   Last night a very long and complicated dream ended with me saying to John, "I know you're dead, John, but we're together again.  And this time you have to promise me that you'll tell me if you're not feeling well.  You have to tell me."  And John replied, 'Okay".  

Comment by riet on January 10, 2019 at 1:17am

I too have a difficult period in this new year. It does not feel like a new beginning at all. Just like a dull and pale remnant of what was once so wonderful.
I received some travel brochures. Very interesting to do with my husband, but so useless for me alone. How can I visit something without being able to discuss it with him? Just the idea of doing it alone makes me crawl away in my house.
How strange is a person? I have been forced to go home with a broken hip for 5 weeks now. I get a lot of help, a lot of visitors. And I'm recovering well. I dream of getting out again and seeing something. But I see so well how I would just walk around there with my soul under my arm. I miss him so much. My husband has now passed away for almost nine months, and I feel that I have not taken a step forward. On the contrary.

Tess, LP, Melissa, your stories could be mine. Hugs to all of you


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