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Born in the 50s

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Members: 740
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Alysoun Nov 30, 2018. 24 Replies

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by Tekwriter Oct 6, 2018. 13 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Maggie on Monday

Here is a poem I’ve always loved especially the first stanza.

BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean, 

Tears from the depth of some divine despair 

Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes, 

In looking on the happy Autumn-fields, 

And thinking of the days that are no more. 

         Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail, 

That brings our friends up from the underworld, 

Sad as the last which reddens over one 

That sinks with all we love below the verge; 

So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more. 

         Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns 

The earliest pipe of half-awaken'd birds 

To dying ears, when unto dying eyes 

The casement slowly grows a glimmering square; 

So sad, so strange, the days that are no more. 

         Dear as remember'd kisses after death, 

And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feign'd 

On lips that are for others; deep as love, 

Deep as first love, and wild with all regret; 

O Death in Life, the days that are no more!

Comment by shelley on Monday

booktime Susan, Mary Oliver was one of my husband's favorite poets.  I have shelves full of her poems/books, always love reading them.  Although I've read and re-read her poetry countless times, I often feel like I'm reading something for the first time.  The ... 'one wild and precious life' ... poem is on my refrigerator.  And one of my husband's favorites-  'When it's over, I want to say:  all my life I was a bride married to amazement.  I was the bridegroom taking the world into my arms.'  So glad to share Mary Oliver with you.  

Comment by Barzan on Monday

Tess, Please know that I am not making light of struggles.  I am just relieved and grateful that I was able to swim to shore after nearly drowning in my sadness.  Not ever day is sunny for me and I accept the good days with the bad.  I just found a way for myself to push through those days by looking at my loss as how many wonderful years I had with my husband.  

Hugs to you and be kind to yourself,

Suzan

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on Monday

@reit:  You're not the only one who's had something like this happen.  The area I live in has soil that shifts, so there are times when doors in my house close properly and times they don't.  One day I couldn't get the closet door open and I thought maybe I had locked it from the inside.  I called a locksmith who came in and the door opened perfectly.  Cost me 89 bucks.  I felt stupid.

Comment by riet on Monday

I have to tell you this silly story. I went to the garage this morning. The only thing that was wrong with the car were ..... my ears. No strange noises. Only panic too soon. So this whole situation would not have happened to my husband. Fortunately, the people in the garage were full of understanding. Well .. it is what it is. Problem solved. This at least.

Comment by Tess on Monday

Susan and Barzan, please understand that I am happy that you two have found your footing in this new role that we all have been forced to undertake. But not everyone is able to establish a new life that is not overshadowed by a veil of gloom. This doesn't mean that we, and I include myself in this struggling group, don't participate in some of the activities that you mentioned. It just means that we are devoid of the typical joy that should be associated with them. I wish we all could feel that every day is a gift, which it should be, but it isn't a smooth transition.

Comment by Barzan on Monday

Susan,  I was thinking the same thing.  I've been into this new life for 7 years now and have worked hard at creating this life.  It definitely is not as fulfilling as it was with my love but I am still alive and find joy in that.  After I retired, I go to the rec center to work out, I volunteer at a performing art center, I design jewelry and travel as funds allow.  I have good and loyal friends that I get together with for various functions.  

I still miss him terribly but I know he wants me to be happy and enjoy life.  We have beautiful sunrises here in Colorado and am thrilled every morning to see it.  I live in the foothills of the Rockies and never get tired of them.  

Hugs to all,

Suzan

Comment by booktime (Susan) on February 11, 2019 at 4:10am

I am so sad to read these hopeless sounding words from many of you. I don't have any answers, only what is working for me. Mary Oliver wrote:

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

My life is still precious even without my beloved. I am on the cusp of retirement and look forward to time unscheduled. I look forward to being present in whatever moment it is: weaving or spinning, meeting a friend, traveling.

I might say my life is precious because of my beloved. I would  not be who I am today without him. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

Don't get me wrong: I miss him, some moments intensely.

But I have this life, perhaps for a reason. I don't think the reason is to make a change in anyone's life save mine. If I live for 25 years more (my mom was 96!), I need to make those years count....for me.

Hugs to you all. This is a tough road we walk. I don't say mine is paved and clear by any means. I am just trying to be here in this life.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on February 11, 2019 at 4:00am

@JKPE:  I have found in the five years since my husband died that one of the things I miss most, and makes me the most depressed, is that there is no one who really cares if my plane lands.  When I travel, and the plane lands, everyone else whips out their cell phones to call someone -- and for me there is no one to call. Even my sister doesn't care.

@LP:  Lately I find myself in the same boat as you.  I have spent five years fighting to be positive and optimistic about life, but a year into retirement I find myself wondering why I am even still here.  My purpose seems to have been to get my husband straightened out and into middle age, and having done that, and then losing him, what's the point?  My sister doesn't care.  She has her life and her husband and they travel, and she still resents me for things that happened 30 years ago while she fancies herself to be a life coach for others.  And here I am, still being ghosted by my closest friend in the neighborhood and wondering why. Yesterday I shared a link on Facebook that hurt another friend's feelings, and I spent the afternoon screaming that I am the worst person in the world -- the runaway train of self-loathing was careening down the tracks all day.  Right now I feel it is all just pointless.  

Comment by LP on February 10, 2019 at 10:47pm

I know what Melissa means. I just want to get to the end already. My husband was 20 years  older than me,  I don’t want to live as long as he did - he had me,  but I will have no one (and don’t want to), so all I want is to get the rest of life over with. 

Im so sorry your children are not understanding. In a way, though, it’s nice for them that they don’t understand  yet the particular pain of losing a spouse..they may one day, and then they’ll realise what you are going through.

 

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