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Born in the 50s

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Members: 795
Latest Activity: 23 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Misery loves company

Started by Tess. Last reply by riet Mar 1. 13 Replies

How old was he?

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 26. 6 Replies

Ugh...Christmas.

Started by Lark. Last reply by Maggiepie Jan 24. 14 Replies

Keeping a journal sometimes helps

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by sadderbytheday Dec 31. 9 Replies

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Freebird Nov 29, 2019. 18 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Melissa on May 5, 2019 at 3:52pm

Country girl, I'm so sorry. One of my sons is the same way. He says, "I don't have space in my head for you. I don't have time to comfort you. Go find some friends."

He moved two blocks from my house, yet I have never been invited over. I've never been inside. My other son is very kind, but not terribly helpful. I'll take the kindness.

Again, I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking.

Comment by Lissa on May 5, 2019 at 3:19pm

country girl I also empathize ... it's been eight years for me. My daughter finished law school and passed the bar in that time. I have yet to ask her for help with legal documents that she has been willing to assist. Well, maybe a little but it has always been a struggle. 

I am not sure what this is all about but I have come to terms. I love her and she loves me, but as far as helping me not so much. The same is true for my son. If you are a person like me that has difficulty asking for help in the first place you find yourself in a tough spot. My daughter thinks I should just pay someone to help me but I worry about money constantly and had a lot of very expensive mistakes early on. Although I will say there have been some incredible, very helpful and generous people as well.

hang in there

Comment by Tess on May 5, 2019 at 2:23pm

Country girl, I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. We want the best for our children, and we want them to be responsive to us in a tender, loving way. You are slightly ahead of me by a couple of months in your loss. Unfortunately, it is not over. It really never is, though I think others believe it is. The grief doesn't have an expiration date, especially when the emptiness revisits us by not having someone to share tears with over those life events that are unexpected and sudden.

I am sending hugs and support your way.

Take care.

Comment by country girl on May 5, 2019 at 2:09pm

I read the posts everyday but have not written in a very long time. July 16 marks 

three years .i can honestly say not until yesterday have I ever realized just how alone I really am. 

Two of my daughters live away from me and one lives 14 miles away. I needed some 

help with my mower (riding) and her husband is a mechanic . She informed me I  needed

to find someone else to help me as they are done. Her late father would be  so disappointed 

in her. Needless to say I truly believe I have cried more tears than I have in

the past three years. I can not wrap my mind around her harsh words an I believe it is her not my son in l

Just  needed to vent. Thanks for the wall space. 

Comment by Melissa on May 4, 2019 at 12:03pm

Jan, I talk to my husband all the time, especially when I watch the news. He loved politics; I did not. I watched the news with him because he loved it so much.

Now I will watch one hour of news every day and say out loud, "Gilbert! Did you hear that?" 

"Can you believe that happened?" 

Somehow I believe he can hear me. I feel a little bit happy when I do that.

Oddly, I can't watch any tv shows or movies we watched together. No matter how much I enjoyed them with him, I just can't stop crying when I watch them now.

Our sweet 17-year-old Dachsund had to be put to sleep last summer, and it was horrible, but everyone at the vet's office knew Gilbert and they all comforted me, both for my loss of Gilbert and for Blossom. We all just cried.

I keep Gilbert's ashes in a beautiful handmade wooden box on the nightstand on his side of the bed. It's a big box, and I've asked my kids to put my ashes in with his when the time comes. It feels right knowing the ashes are there, even though they are just the remains of his soul's carrying case. That probably doesn't even make sense, but then, what does anymore?

My love to you all.

Comment by irishlady (jan) on May 4, 2019 at 10:43am

I had just recently showed a renewed interest in cooking for myself 6 years after my beloved husband died. Then in March, I lost my little yorkie of 16 years and slid back some in my "recovery". I was in the grocery store shopping the other day and passed by a group of men restocking and one of them had on an after shave very reminiscent of one my Leo used to wear. I had all I could do to hold it together and not burst into tears in the middle of the dairy department!   For the 6th anniversary of Leo's death, on 4/13 and our 49th wedding anniversary on 4/18, I stayed in by myself this year and ate everything he would have liked. (mostly junk food..lol) Apparently he had a better constitution than I did as I was sick from all that junk. Lesson learned...but I survived. I still have his ashes in my bedroom and no compulsions to place them anywhere right now. I have the picture of him we used at his wake hanging on my wall and I may be crazy, but I talk to him everyday and "we" watch TV together. I make comments on shows I am watching just like I did when he was alive. For me..helps with the loneliness. I also talked to my yorkie when she was alive. Thanks for listening. (((hugs)))

Comment by Gary'swife on May 4, 2019 at 10:29am

Oh...eating out.   After my first husband died, I decided I wanted to find a diner where I could eat breakfast by myself on Sat. morning, just read the newspaper and drink coffee.  I visited probably 6 different diners before I found one that "fit".   I would sit in a booth by myself (so as to not be so noticed), and always left a generous tip.  This was a NJ diner run by a family.  The daughter always waited on me and her husband worked the grill which was open for all to see behind the counter.   If someone came to talk to me the husband would tell them to leave me alone.   I went there probably 8 years before I ever told them I was widowed...and that was only

after the owner had died.     Later on I did makes friends at this diner, and we formed a "breakfast club", 2 couples and lonely me.  But they accepted me and it was nice to have some interesting conversations.

Comment by CarLady on May 4, 2019 at 10:05am

Tess, your mention of the freezer hit home with me.  Last week at my daughter’s encouragement I cleaned out and unplugged the small chest freezer Bill and I bought when our kids were small and we needed it.  I don’t need it now that I’m alone in the house, and the hydro meter must have been spinning these last years because it’s over 30 years old (but still working fine, unlike new appliances!). My daughter and son went downstairs and said their farewells to their old friend as they remembered helping themselves to all the treats that were stored inside when they were young.  Great memories for all of us, not sad.  Thanks for sharing!  

Comment by Roxi on May 4, 2019 at 2:57am

Yes food  is strictly tied to emotions...so what we can do ? Comforting ourselves with good food  or less food ...or some "meaning" things in the freezer...ciao roxi

Comment by Tess on May 4, 2019 at 2:15am

Friends, I am laughing and crying at some of your posts about food and spirits. It's about comfort at this point for us. Last evening, I finally ate the last Klondike bar and Tastykake that were in my freezer. My husband loved Klondike bars and he used to buy me Tastykakes. They were in there since 2016. I just didn't want to let them go because it seemed if they were gone, then he wouldn't be here to buy more. I know it's not logical, nor is much of what I do these days. It's just about the memories of what was special to us, even for the moment it hit our lips - freezer burn or not ; )

 

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