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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by booktime (Susan) Sep 10. 17 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Ultra2015 Aug 29. 32 Replies

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Allan_sch on May 7, 2019 at 8:47am

I’ve had my son and a family friend and her daughter living with me for the last year 

this has helped me a lot to have a busy house 

Comment by Tekwriter on May 7, 2019 at 7:59am

 I am very lucky it appears. I just bought a new house and both of my sons moved with me. My older son and his girlfriend took the upstairs and my younger son took the basement which is fitted with a bathroom and we hope to completely finish out. I live on the main floor. I thank the Lord for them every day.

Comment by Barzan on May 6, 2019 at 3:01pm

I had watched After Life and really identified with the character.  And have set Dead to Me on my list.  

I have a great son and a caring brother who try and help me out when I need them.  Their wives are princesses and don’t like the “hassle” of helping me out.  I try not to depend on them much so as to keep peace.  I have to agree that we weren’t raised this way and I instilled these values in my son.  I just don’t know what happened.

We are the “dread” call to the kids.   If someone had told me this would be my life 10 years ago, my husband and I would have made some serious preparations.  

Hugs to all.

Comment by Melissa on May 6, 2019 at 11:58am

I've been trying to figure out this whole thing with the kids.

I don't know about you, but in my family, the younger people always took care of the older people. My widowed grandmother lived with us when I was a child. My father's aunt lived next door so he could keep an eye on her. We all ate together at dinner time. The Grownups took care of the Older Grownups.

I never knew anything different. My sister and I took care of our parents without ever thinking twice. This is what love is. This is what you do. They took care of us; we took care of them.

My son tells me "That narrative no longer applies."

Family was always the most important thing in my life, and I never dreamed I would be so alone.

I suppose I feel as if I've lost the dream of being a doting grandmother, taking care of my children's children, along with the love of my life. 

Thank you all for being here.

Comment by LandL (Linda) on May 6, 2019 at 11:12am

My son and daughter were very kind and helpful in the beginning, but in the 4 years since their dad died very suddenly, they have distanced themselves.  My daughter calls every day, but I can tell she really doesn't want to.  She always makes it at a busy time for her so we can't talk long.  I know they talk about me and my lack of moving on, but some of the problems in their lives have kept me anxious and depressed.  We were a very close family. but I guess my husband was the glue that kept us together.  It hurts so much to see my family falling apart, especially at this time in my life.  I never thought my life would ever be so lonely.  I feel like a nuisance to everyone.  Thanks for letting me vent.

Comment by Ultra2015 on May 6, 2019 at 10:16am

Sara wrote on her blog about watching the Netflix series Dead to Me.  

I binged the whole season.  "Two women meet in a grief group, both widows"  Crazy twists and turns.

Her post is more about reaching out and trying to find a way to deal with the loneliness.  Being able to visit, read and write here is very helpful.  

Thank you all

Ron 

Comment by Ultra2015 on May 6, 2019 at 9:15am

KJPE, 

You are right, it just is what it is.  I know bad things happen to good people.  I guess it is (was) my frustration that I could fix thing thing that was taking the love of my life away.  Sandi always told me that's not how things work, that's not how God works.  Just so hard to feel so helpless and now so sad and lonely.  

Thanks everyone for the hugs and the food and alcohol pairings!

Hope its a good day

Ron

Comment by Roxi on May 6, 2019 at 2:43am
  • Ciao after his death i met  his daughter and son...and we built a good relantioship...but i wish to never meet them and go on my beautiful life with my love
Comment by LP on May 5, 2019 at 10:14pm

I’m so sorry to hear about these children. Maybe it frightens them to see a parent in need, when for all their lives you were the one who sorted them out. Im lucky - C and I did not have kids of our own, but his daughter and I are very close. She appreciates my taking care of her dad and could see we were happy together. She’s been wonderful and I’m so lucky to have her.

Tess - what a great thought- “grief has no expiration date”. I’ll be using that a lot with certain friends who think I should be “moving on” after 14 months.

Comment by Melissa on May 5, 2019 at 3:52pm

Country girl, I'm so sorry. One of my sons is the same way. He says, "I don't have space in my head for you. I don't have time to comfort you. Go find some friends."

He moved two blocks from my house, yet I have never been invited over. I've never been inside. My other son is very kind, but not terribly helpful. I'll take the kindness.

Again, I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking.

 

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