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Born in the 50s

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Members: 795
Latest Activity: 22 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Misery loves company

Started by Tess. Last reply by riet Mar 1. 13 Replies

How old was he?

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 26. 6 Replies


Started by Lark. Last reply by Maggiepie Jan 24. 14 Replies

Keeping a journal sometimes helps

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by sadderbytheday Dec 31. 9 Replies

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Freebird Nov 29, 2019. 18 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Barzan on May 12, 2019 at 6:30am

I just recently saw this on tv and had to share with all of you.  "Grief is Love.  You don't grieve someone you don't love."  Makes so much sense and I never thought of it that way, but so true.  

I don't own an Insta-pot but I do have an air fryer and use it all the time.  I also give my crockpots a work out every couple of weeks.  I used to love cooking for my husband - gourmet meals.  It's just not fun or pleasurable to cook for 1.  I have a small chest freezer that holds my 2 weeks variety.

My son runs his own business and also does 2 shows daily so I have to grab what little time he has to spare.  If I need help, he's there for me.  My grandson is in love so there's only one person that gets any attention.  My nieces would show up to help me out if I won the powerball.  I have learned to accept all this because if I don't, I will be the only one miserable over it.  

I wish all you moms a Happy Mother's Day.  I'm going to take my mom out of the assisted living place and share a lovely meal today.  

Hugs and peace to all of you.


Comment by laurajay on May 11, 2019 at 1:23pm

Ultra!  Do everything  you  can now  to  maintain  your  " good  spot  financially  and  health wise"  because if  one  or  both  of those  things  change  your  grief  will  seem  small  compared  to the stress of  finding  your  world  turned  upside down  because  of  insufficient  funds  to  live  or  poor/chronic  health  that makes  life  incredibly painful  and difficult.   It does  not  get  easier  or  softer  as  some  say....not  if  your  health  and  finances  take  a negative  dive.  Never  ever  expected  his  death  in 2012  nor  the increased problems  that  came  with  growing old  and  being   widowed.   Not  even  close  to imagining  this happening. Words are not  enough to express the  dismay.   Live  in  the  "now"  while  you still  can.               lj

Comment by Ultra2015 on May 11, 2019 at 1:05pm

This second year is really kicking my but.  Again, thanks for all the support.  I am very lucky to be in a good spot financially and health wise.  And although three of the 4 kids live 12 to 15 hours away by car or plane, they have all been very supportive.  It's sad to hear people talk about how there family doesn't provide any of the support they need.  

Listened to a TED Talk yesterday by Nora McInerny:  We don't move on from grief we move forward with it.  

A good presentation, especially for those that are not in the process right now, and a validation of what those of us who have lost our person are living with.  

Have to check out the 6 quart Insta Pot and the youtube chef.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on May 11, 2019 at 10:54am

For those who don't have a clue about cooking, get a 6 quart Instant Pot.  Then go to the Pressure Luck YouTube channel (  These recipes are ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF.  Even if you've never cooked before, he shows/tells you everything you have to do with no detail left out, and does it in an entertaining way.  I have made a bunch of these recipes and they are delicious and come out perfect every time.  Most of them make a lot, so you can either have meals for a few days, have some now and freeze some, or both.

Comment by LP on May 11, 2019 at 6:11am

This is what freezers are for. Cooking is pretty joyless just for one, but if you set aside a Saturday, afternoon put on your favourite music and cook up a pot of something - chilli, curry, soup, stew, whatever -  and then freeze it in small containers, you're set. It's nice when you're too tired to cook and your fridge is empty (as mine is frequently) and then you remember that frozen pot of chilli in the freezer. 

And there is nothing wrong with ready-meals. There are some good ones around these days with fresh and healthy ingredients. But the homemade-and-frozen option cuts down on packaging waste. 

Comment by chef (John) on May 11, 2019 at 5:56am


Microwaving dinners is not the end of the world. Learning to cook a little (just simple things) wouldn't hurt, and you can do that over time. (Small crockpot meals work on a few levels: toss the ingredients in, go away for a few hours and come back to a meal--and you'll have leftovers for a day or more as well.)

Early on, I made the (obvious) discovery that cooking for one is a great waste of time, so I just cook extra and give myself a break from the kitchen/food prep a few nights per week. I have a lot of soups, stews, pastas and even veggie frittatas (rewarmed in the microwave at work) for the next day's lunch or evening meal.

Keep on posting.


Comment by Roxi on May 10, 2019 at 1:44am

B.susan i'd like laugh when i 'm thinking of him..he was a very funny man..i laughed a lot with i'm missing him so's hard for me laugh now! Maybe i need time...but it's great to know that i'll see his photo some

day and i'll laugh again...thank you for your shared esperience ciao roxi

Comment by Melissa on May 9, 2019 at 6:21pm

Ron, I microwave dinners all the time. There's some good stuff in the frozen foods section. One night a week I order take-out from GrubHub. They bring it right to the door and I don't even have to get dressed! Another widow, on this site I think, told me about GrubHub and Door Dash. Probably saved my life.

I think it's sweet that your granddaughter worries about you. It's obvious she loves you very much. Maybe you two could make dinner together some night.

Love to you all.

Comment by Ultra2015 on May 9, 2019 at 5:38pm

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and strategies.  Is it sad that I just microwave frozen dinners?  I cook a lot for Sandi, but cooking for one is such a drag.  I had something else to say but can't remember.  Again, thanks for all the support.  

I started journaling during the first few months into the first year, but stopped. Maybe its time to try again.  I'm just so lonely and lost.  I think i am giving my granddaughter depression as well.  She loved Sandi so much and she is spending a lot of time with me worrying about me, and school and I don't know what.  

Anyway thanks for listening 


Comment by irishlady (jan) on May 9, 2019 at 1:08pm

chef (john)...I have kept a journal for years. And I have looked back on entries shortly after my husband died and I too had this horrendous scrawl! And I've always had exceptionally good handwriting. But my grief was such I could not get it out fast enough. If I ever doubt my progress..I just look back. I still have a ways to go, but proud of what I have done so far in the last 6 years.


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