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Born in the 50s

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Comment by Ultra2015 on May 14, 2019 at 6:14am

I'm with you Allan.  15 months and I still miss my girl everyday.  Day by Day is all we can do I guess.  

Take care

Ron

Comment by Allan_sch on May 14, 2019 at 2:00am

Today is one year since my sweetheart went home to be with the Lord 

i miss her everyday. It’s been a tough year, but I take it just Day by day 

Comment by Melissa on May 13, 2019 at 1:49pm

Riet, I've had the same thought many times. "Okay. You've been dead long enough. You can come back now."

Completely irrational, but there it is.

I noticed yesterday that I'm just feeling worn out and over this thing called life. Not horrible grief, not depression, just exhausted to the bone. I am using all my energy trying to find a reason to live, and then living.

I'm just so tired of it.

Thanks for being here. Peace to you all.

Comment by Roxi on May 13, 2019 at 10:42am

Tomorrow is 14 months....and i'm missing him intensely... " you're missing only one and the world is a desert" ...how true ! 

Comment by irishlady (jan) on May 13, 2019 at 10:01am

Maggie...I too am at 6 years. I feel like you. I am fairly content but not joy. The loneliness does creep in. I can be out having a good time and then I come home and shut that door and the loneliness of not having someone there to greet you and ask how your day went can be overwhelming at times. I also agree that some day can be interminably long and yet. years seem to go too fast at times. And I also am not looking for anyone. Hard to top the best, which my husband was. I was blessed to have such a wonderful marriage.

Comment by shelley on May 13, 2019 at 9:54am

riet, I so appreciate your post.  Yes, I think the regrets will continue for a long time.  I'm more able to control my thoughts, but the regrets are still there.  And yes, the changes that I wish we could share.  Both big and little changes-  I finally bought a new microwave oven.  It was on our 'to do' list.  He'd like the new one.  And comfort, i miss that so much.  Didn't realize how much a part of our relationship it was.  It was so automatic, so basic, so effortless.  And yes, the missing.  I still have moments when I tell him I can't do this without him.  Daily I ask him to be with me in whatever way he can.  It's been 18 months for me and I don't know if I miss him more.  But I definitely miss him more deeply.  Thank you, riet.    

Comment by Maggie on May 13, 2019 at 8:18am

Gary’s wife.

thanks so much for that link. Beautifully written and I related to everything he said.

im at almost 6 years. I’ve been in a new home and state for 3 years now and have made a few good friends, keep busy and like the town and my home. 

But....I can only say I’m fairly content, but not real happiness or joy. And I’m not looking for any other relationship. He was all I wanted in that respect. But I do feel the loneliness crop up at times and the feeling of how long now will my life just float along like this..not bad, but not great. 

I also have no children and my only sibling, a brother, and I are not on good terms because of his partner. My parents are long gone and I’m no spring chicken anymore (72)..

so I muddle along..some days are better than others. And it’s funny as sometimes a day can seem so long,but a month or a year can fly by. Here we are 1/3 into 2019. 

Comment by Tess on May 13, 2019 at 3:29am

Garyswife, I looked up johnrobinson.org. That blog post was so comforting for me. I have to admit that my ennui began well before my husband was gone, but it is more pronounced now. I am flooded with things to do before the move out of our home, so that certainly keeps me occupied. However, if it wasn't that, it would be other things that would have me tinkering around getting through the day. I have activities with others, but they are not joyful. I want so badly to feel motivated to rise towards the top of Maslow's heirarchy of needs, but I still find my feet stuck to the bottom. Maybe I just try too hard when the desire is not there. Anyway, thank you for posting that!

Comment by Tess on May 13, 2019 at 3:21am

Riet, I am sorry for your anniversary spent without your beloved. What you wrote at the end about the thought that your husband just has to come back reminded me of how I felt in the first year (or maybe beyond). In my rational mind I knew my husband was gone, but I think I entertained this fantasy that he was in hiding and would be back. Comfort to you.

Comment by riet on May 12, 2019 at 10:59pm

Today we have been married for 48 years. He will never know that. However, he wanted to be 100 years old and enjoyed every moment. I know he was happy and we were very happy together, but I keep seeing my own mistakes. In the 4 years that he was sick, I was sometimes too tired to hear well what he told me. If only I could make that right and show him how much I loved him. My children say I did that, but I only see what I did wrong. Even the night before he died, I still thought I needed to finish a few works in our house. My only excuse is that I didn't know he was going to die that night. My daughter, who is a nurse and came to care for him every day, had not seen it coming. She says: I know when people are going to die, only with my dad I had not seen it.
I'd love to tell him so and hug him.
And there is so much more I have to tell him. In the one year that he is no longer there, so much changed. Our sons changed house. One son unexpectedly announced his divorce. And our daughter changed jobs. And that while we thought they were all right where they were. He will never know. And we can't talk about it together anymore. And I so would like to do so and have his ideas about it. I need him to comfort me. And I want to comfort him.
This morning I suddenly felt the idiotic thought: Now it's enough, now you just have to come back. Of course I know that that is not possible. But I have become a split person now: knowing and feeling has grown apart in that one year.
I miss him more than ever before.
Thank you for the opportunity to tell that here

 

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