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Born in the 50s

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Members: 776
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Discussion Forum

Just an introduction

Started by Jim. Last reply by KJPE 4 hours ago. 6 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by Laurie on Sunday. 15 Replies

Sleep

Started by Butleri62. Last reply by KJPE Nov 4. 9 Replies

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by saddy Oct 27. 8 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by laurajay on October 2, 2019 at 6:46pm

jules-   you  won't  let  him  down  when  you  grow  too  old  to do  all  those  special things  he  did  to  make  life  beautiful...but  do  them  as  long  as you can to  honor  his  memory.  Your  body  will  let  you  know  when  you  need   to  make  changes...no  time  frame  for  that----

Comment by Jules on October 2, 2019 at 2:52pm

There were so many hints my husband did that I now am responsible for. I can handle mowing the lawn but it’s the other stuff, weeding, getting plants ready fo winter, getting the snow blower that I don’t even know how to use, ready. While I never took him for granted, I’m extra aware of everything he did to make our home and life beautiful. I don’t want to let him down.

Comment by laurajay on October 2, 2019 at 12:12pm

riet….time will  come  when you  will not  be  able to do the  things  you  are  doing  now  that your  husband did  then.....I  am  older  than  you  and  have  reached  that point-  it  is  frightening  and  discouraging because  I  also  do not  have the  money  to  hire  things  done. Keep  your  budget  tight  unless  you  are one of the  wealthy  widows who post  here.  Then  when  the  time  comes  you  can  hire help  and  avoid  the  stress of  what to  do  when  you no  longer can  do  it yourself.  Crying  does  not  get  it  done  by  the  way...

Comment by Barzan on October 2, 2019 at 11:37am

Dear Riet, The 1st time I had to do one of my husband’s tasks, I did it thru a veil of tears.  It wasn’t because I wasn’t capable but because he wasn’t here to do it.  After 8 years of doing, I just do it and think that he’s proud and relieved that I did it.  You are capable but I know how it hurts to know that it’s all up to you now.  You’ve become a team of one.  

I’m sending you big hugs.  Just know he’s very proud of you.

Suzan

Comment by Claire on October 2, 2019 at 9:58am

Riet, you are pushing thru and doing what needs to be done.   I'm sure your dear husband would be proud of you. 

Comment by riet on October 2, 2019 at 8:21am

Today I did a lot of work that my husband used to do. I brought the car to the garage for maintenance. The central heating maintenance engineer came by and approved the installation for another year.
I pretended to know everything about it. But of course I know next to nothing, and I miss my husband so much again. I can't tell him how much I do my best to keep everything going. That takes a lot of effort for me. In the past those things all went so  naturally.
Now, looking back on this day, sadness comes back. He just had to be there.

Comment by Claire on September 29, 2019 at 11:45am

Jules, if you enjoy working with children, you might look for a Start The Adventure In Reading program in your area.   It's an after school reading program for kids with reading difficulties.  

Comment by Jules on September 29, 2019 at 11:35am

I have thought about doing some volunteering but am unsure what to do. Most of my background is working with children. I’ve though about reading to people in nursing homes and assisted living places but ....  Someone mentioned gardening. While it’s never been my forte, my husband has created a beautiful berm in our front yard. I want to make sure to keep it up so I have to figure out the difference between a weed and a flower. Maybe taking classes would help.

Looking for other suggestions for volunteering.

Comment by LP on September 28, 2019 at 10:51am

Of the things I’ve started to do since C died 20 months ago, I have found joining a choir (I never sang before) and volunteering to work in the local gardens (I know next to nothing about gardening) the most enjoyable. I was completely  surprised but this , but that’s widowhood for you. Our old selves are blown away and we have to discover the new us.

i know what you mean,Riet, when you say you couldn’t volunteer in a medical capacity. We often think that volunteering means having to deal with people who are in really Terri le circumstances. But public service can also be something like helping to create a garden which brightens up other people’s lives. On my latest gardening day at the National Trust, I lost count of the number of people who stopped by the rose beds I was weeding to express their admiration and the pleasure it gave them - people from all walks of life, some who come every week.

and the choir too is a good way for an introvert (such as myself) to contribute and create something beautiful without having to talk and divulge too much of myself. A diverse bunch of people are there simply for the common purpose of making wonderful music. This autumn we’re preparing a Christmas concert of Haydn’s Creation. Besides being shy, I am also a life-long depressive and not given to being positive about things at all, so this is a big experience for me.

i still get awful days! Of course! But I accept them as part of the deal I made all those years ago when I fell in love with my husband. 

I went to a memorial service yesterday for my husband’s niece, who died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 50. Even sadder was the fact that in addition to her  three barely grown-up children, she also left behind a new baby that she had just had miraculously at 49 with her second husband. Her mother, C’s sister, was devastated to lose her only daughter only a year and a bit after losing her brother. It is all such a lottery. 

Comment by Tekwriter on September 28, 2019 at 4:58am

Thanks everyone. It is at least good to know I am fairly normal. I had retired when I had breast cancer or so to speak. I never went back to work. I had to many lymph nodes removed to make doing my job feasible. I stayed fairly busy though. I volunteered to chair a cookie table for church last year and then a week and a half later realized it was a mistake and resigned. We belong to a huge church and while I love the service which is Anglo-Catholic but the curate we worked with when my husband passed is ill and now we are adrift on our own. I am considering a smaller church closer and then I waver back and forth and do nothing. There are a lot things I feel like I would like to do such as sewing and baking. I guess I could start there and as I become more comfortable venture out. Thanks to all of you.

 

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