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Born in the 50s

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Members: 802
Latest Activity: May 18

Discussion Forum

Sunday Blues

Started by LP. Last reply by Estragon Apr 19. 10 Replies

Misery loves company

Started by Tess. Last reply by riet Mar 1. 13 Replies

How old was he?

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 26. 6 Replies

Ugh...Christmas.

Started by Lark. Last reply by Maggiepie Jan 24. 14 Replies

Keeping a journal sometimes helps

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by sadderbytheday Dec 31. 9 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by chef (John) on December 23, 2019 at 8:54am

If I join as a fourth, do we golf or play bridge? :-) (It's 54 degrees here in Cleveland right now, so golf is NOT out of the question...OTOH, I have never played golf, so things could get interesting.)

I am staying in Cleveland this year, and will telephone of get calls from friends and family members over the next two days. Hugs and best wishes to everyone.

Comment by Melissa on December 22, 2019 at 11:19am

I'm with you, Barzan and DIVA70.

Love to you all.

Comment by DIVA70 on December 21, 2019 at 11:55pm

I'm with Barzan. This year I just didn't have the energy. I put the Welcome Santa doormat out and one Christmas pillow on the sofa. Last year was my first Christmas without my soulmate and I bought a few poinsettias , hung the Christmas stockings, put out the Christmas calendar and set up the miniature trees we used to place in various areas around the house. As I said earlier I did none of that this year. My adult daughter lives with me and it didn't bother her a bit. I also skipped the Family/Friend Christmas event at church. I called a friend who I sometimes ride with and told her I wasn't going. I didn't go to a family gathering last year and some of my relatives haven't spoken to me since. But that's ok. I have decided not to put myself through the pain and agony of pretending to be happy when I'm not. I know tomorrow I will have to listen to various ones go on and on about what a great time they had and how they just love this time of year. But I can just walk away or tune them out. Take care everyone.  

Comment by KJPE on December 21, 2019 at 9:14am

thank you Laura Jay, Barzan, Ultra, Riet, Melissa, John:  I'm sending hearts of appreciation your way for expressing what you really feel here.  I'm now 14 months out and still crying every day, and feeling none of the giddy gaitty I used to feel when Greg was here celebrating with me.  He loved the holiday season so much, and part of how he loved it was buying gifts that were just right for the people we love, and always by giving something of himself.  I've read in (so many) books that finding a way to commemorate our beloved spouses is by doing something in his or her honor.  So this year, I got out a bunch of his art & made another calendar for 2020 with his name on it, which is just what he would have wanted me to do.  And I will give it away to every family member & friend I can.  Doing this makes me feel better maybe by a micro-fragment.  It's not the "way forward" that so many writers on grief think it is.  I'm nevertheless glad to do it.  Thanks for being there during this lonely time.  I read every one of your posts on email, and my heart goes out to you.  If we could feel some connection over the miles I would build a bridge.  Sending love & sympathy & caring to you during this tough time.  

Comment by laurajay on December 21, 2019 at 7:17am

I had magical  Christmases  as a child.  The whole nine yards.  Family, food,   strong  faith, and the sense  of belonging  and  hope  and celebration  of the birth  of  the One  who  changed  the  world  forever.  My  grief  has  not  gotten  softer  or easier. (7yrs)  no point in elaborating...but  I  hold fast  to  some of the  tradition  because  we  gave  our  child  Christmases  to  remember  and  now with  three  grandchildren  I know in my heart  I  want nothing more than  to  offer  them  experiences  they will  hold  fast  and remember  when  they are adults.  It's not about  me.  Nothing  can  bring  back  my  husband nor  my  joy  in being loved  all those  44yrs.  we  were  married.  But  to  not  love  and follow my  heart  in  making  Christmas  special  for my  grands would cause  me great sorrow...so  while  I  will not go  overboard with  gifts  or exaggerated , elaborate  festivities.  While I still  can...I  will  attempt to give  them  memories  that  will sustain  them  when  they  are aged.  I  will  listen  to  them .  I  will  tell  them  how  much  they  are  loved.  I  will  accept  their  hugs  and  kisses  and  return  them.  Sure  my  heart  longs...more  than  ever...but  I  know  love expands  and  if  I  hold  back  I  leave  no  room  for  good  to  enter any more.  There  is a time  for  grief  without  any timetable  but  listening  to  your  own  heart  is what matters...no  rules  no  comparisons  no expectations  only  the  truth  your  heart  speaks  to  you.   Peace,  dear  friends  in  a troubled  world   always comes from loving.   Thinking  of  each of you  in your  sorrow  and  wishing  you  joy.        lj

Comment by Barzan on December 21, 2019 at 6:25am

Listen Dear Friends,  Let's throw out the holiday rule book this year.  It's been 8 years, I've done the trees, the decorations, baking, shopping, wrapping and attending mandated holiday parties.  This year I'm just not in the mood to do any kind of celebrating.  None of it.  So Ultra, if you don't want to trim the tree, heck with it.  Don't do it.  I don't want to go to a party tonight so I will call them and send my regrets.  I don't feel like listening to Christmas music so I don't.  The only thing I am doing is wrapping the gift I'm giving because it's just the right thing to do.  I don't want to be a kill joy for others who are embracing the holidays but I will only participate if I feel like it.  

This year, let's just take care of ourselves and hope others will understand and cut us some slack.  

Hugs to all.

Suzan

Comment by Ultra2015 on December 20, 2019 at 9:06pm

Trees up. Haven’t put any ornaments on it. Don’t want to. Trying to find joy in the season but it’s just not there without Sandi. Went to a Christmas party with a platonic friend. Need more. Fuck this. 

Comment by riet on December 19, 2019 at 11:06am

Dear Melissa and all other friends, thanks for being there

Comment by Melissa on December 19, 2019 at 11:03am

Let's stick together, my friends. I know we're here for each other, this little family we've created here. If there is anything to be grateful for in this nightmare, it's that I've met all of you.

We can get through the next couple of weeks. 

Comment by DIVA70 on December 19, 2019 at 10:26am

So sorry for your loss. Yes, I just want to get thru these next two weeks. Take care.

 

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