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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Misery loves company

Started by Tess. Last reply by Mari 17 hours ago. 14 Replies

Sunday Blues

Started by LP. Last reply by Estragon Apr 19. 10 Replies

How old was he?

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 26. 6 Replies


Started by Lark. Last reply by Maggiepie Jan 24. 14 Replies

Keeping a journal sometimes helps

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by sadderbytheday Dec 31. 9 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Riskybiz on January 16, 2020 at 9:21pm

My husband passed away a month ago, all mail that is sent in his name I use the envelope provided and return it with deceased.  Hard to do but I hope it is effective. 

Comment by Lauretta on January 16, 2020 at 9:17pm

I can so relate to what you are saying, Ultra.  The year my husband turned 65 it was constant mail and phone calls about Medicare supplements.  I got way more for him than I've gotten for myself and I am alive!  Don't know what the deal is with that!!  I hope you develop that App because it would certainly be useful.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on January 16, 2020 at 3:36pm

@Ultra:  I put a vacation reply on my husband's gmail account after he died.  It reads as follows:

Dear Recruiter:

[husband's name] passed away on [date of death].  You can look it up:
[link to obituary]
Please cease sending job listings.  Having to go through dozens of job listings is only upsetting to me since when he was here, no one seemed to want to hire him because they thought he was too old.  Please remove his name from your contact lists.  
Thank you.
[my name] (widow)
Since he only got mail from job recruiters, it was fine to address the auto-reply specifically to them.  It has taken six years for them to stop sending, and I had to unsubscribe to many of them or else send nasty emails saying things like "What part of 'He's dead' do you morons not understand???"  Sometimes if they kept sending I would go all Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch on them.  Yes, it WAS satisfying to do that, thank you very much.  :-)  

I would suggest you do that.
I get mail now addressed to him at my new address where he never even lived.  I don't have a problem with it; it makes it appear like it's not a woman living alone.
Comment by Melissa on January 16, 2020 at 10:57am

I'm so sorry, Ultra. I get something in the mail several times a week for Gilbert. Obviously, I did not renew his subscription to the New Yorker. A little card came addressed to him from the magazine saying WE MISS YOU! and asking him to renew. They miss him? They miss him???

It's heartbreaking. 

A friend of mine told me that after 12 years, she still occasionally gets mail for her late husband. An app is a brilliant idea. One less knife in the heart.

Comment by Ultra2015 on January 16, 2020 at 9:40am

Can someone invent an App that sends out your persons obituary to all the internet world and solicitors. I got an email the other day reminding Sandi about her annual mammogram. Really, she died from metastatic breast disease two years ago and a bilateral mastectomy 7 years ago. And so much junk mail from anyone she ever gave a donation to and still selling her info. 

Comment by chef (John) on January 6, 2020 at 5:02am

" ...Never know when something is going to send you spinning."

@ Ultra2015: You're right. We don't...which is why I often refer to such situations as being "sucker-punched". The spinning/reeling/etc. reaction you had is normal. (We're still human, after all.) I'm sorry you had the experience, but also glad you posted for someone who might be going through the same situation. You're still showing that person the way forward. Hugs to all. 

Comment by riet on January 5, 2020 at 10:07am

I recognise that. Also almost two years
after the loss of my husband, the panic and the grief sometimes unexpectedly emerge strongly. And then I miss him so much that I can hardly move forward.
I haven't changed anything in our house yet either. We lived  here together for 48 years. I really can't do it yet. And here I feel at home, because here we created our life.
It is good to know that I do not feel this alone. Hugs for all of you

Comment by Ultra2015 on January 5, 2020 at 7:58am

Sorry. Thought I posted this last week ??? 
Tomorrow we had Sandi’s last memorial service two years ago in her home town. Damn this one just hit me today. Never know when something is going to send you spinning. 

Comment by Ultra2015 on January 5, 2020 at 7:55am

Interesting conversations about beds. I kept our bed. A queen. I laid on Sans side and held her hand in the hospital bed we fit beside our bed. I would be on her side of the bed to hold her. Now I sleep on my side with her pillow wrapped up with me but when I nap during the day I lay on her side. 
while the kids helped me clean out her clothes soon after she died I can’t bring myself to change anything in the house. I guess it’s the comfort of knowing I’m living in the space we created together. 

Comment by Maggiepie on December 28, 2019 at 5:47pm

Sorry, NoLongerInBergenjC, I phrased my earlier post wrongly. I do know the difference between a slow cooker and an instant pot. What I meant was - if you have used a slow cooker or crockpot before, do you think the instant pot (besides speed) is worth the learning curve? Thank you.


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