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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

How old was he?

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 26. 6 Replies


Started by Lark. Last reply by Maggiepie Jan 24. 14 Replies

Keeping a journal sometimes helps

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by sadderbytheday Dec 31. 9 Replies

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Freebird Nov 29, 2019. 18 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by Freebird Nov 27, 2019. 16 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Gary'swife on January 17, 2020 at 7:49am

Lauretta and sadderbytheday    You struck a nerve with the comments about having to make every decision, and do everything alone. I realize now just having someone to hold me accountable caused me to get things done.  And, although I often had to nag Gary, once he got going he was quite good about taking care of things.   

Comment by Lauretta on January 17, 2020 at 6:18am

And the other side of having to make all the decisions, etc. Sadder, is having no one to blame for anything!  If there's a mess you made it, if the checking account is overdrawn, it's your fault.  No one at all to pass the buck to!  That's really annoying!

Comment by sadderbytheday on January 17, 2020 at 6:02am

Just wanted to jump in here with an experience that I had 20 years ago when my mother died at 80.  Within a week, she received a Jury Summons.  She had never received one!  She had always said she would really like the experience of serving on a jury.  I just held that summons in my hand and smiled and shook my head.

My husband will be gone for three years in March......the tears still manage to come over a "memory" almost everyday.  One thing that, I wonder, if I'll ever come to terms with is having to make EVERY decision.  Right or wrong??

Time to start my long day and give my dog a hug and hopefully a walk.... but, I won't promise her the walk in case I don't...ha!

Comment by TP on January 17, 2020 at 2:20am

Unfortunately hardly any method works. Most of the mail is sent out in bulk, which means the USPS will not return it .... the best way to return anything is to mail the actual mailer in its own envelope and put your own stamp on it  —-   And write on the mailer to be removed from the list.   I”ve even opened the mail and just sent the address into, so I’m not mailing a bulky envelope.  Unfortunately that address your sending it back to may not be right anyway.    The hardest ones for me are the Target catalogues ...   

Comment by Riskybiz on January 16, 2020 at 9:21pm

My husband passed away a month ago, all mail that is sent in his name I use the envelope provided and return it with deceased.  Hard to do but I hope it is effective. 

Comment by Lauretta on January 16, 2020 at 9:17pm

I can so relate to what you are saying, Ultra.  The year my husband turned 65 it was constant mail and phone calls about Medicare supplements.  I got way more for him than I've gotten for myself and I am alive!  Don't know what the deal is with that!!  I hope you develop that App because it would certainly be useful.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on January 16, 2020 at 3:36pm

@Ultra:  I put a vacation reply on my husband's gmail account after he died.  It reads as follows:

Dear Recruiter:

[husband's name] passed away on [date of death].  You can look it up:
[link to obituary]
Please cease sending job listings.  Having to go through dozens of job listings is only upsetting to me since when he was here, no one seemed to want to hire him because they thought he was too old.  Please remove his name from your contact lists.  
Thank you.
[my name] (widow)
Since he only got mail from job recruiters, it was fine to address the auto-reply specifically to them.  It has taken six years for them to stop sending, and I had to unsubscribe to many of them or else send nasty emails saying things like "What part of 'He's dead' do you morons not understand???"  Sometimes if they kept sending I would go all Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch on them.  Yes, it WAS satisfying to do that, thank you very much.  :-)  

I would suggest you do that.
I get mail now addressed to him at my new address where he never even lived.  I don't have a problem with it; it makes it appear like it's not a woman living alone.
Comment by Melissa on January 16, 2020 at 10:57am

I'm so sorry, Ultra. I get something in the mail several times a week for Gilbert. Obviously, I did not renew his subscription to the New Yorker. A little card came addressed to him from the magazine saying WE MISS YOU! and asking him to renew. They miss him? They miss him???

It's heartbreaking. 

A friend of mine told me that after 12 years, she still occasionally gets mail for her late husband. An app is a brilliant idea. One less knife in the heart.

Comment by Ultra2015 on January 16, 2020 at 9:40am

Can someone invent an App that sends out your persons obituary to all the internet world and solicitors. I got an email the other day reminding Sandi about her annual mammogram. Really, she died from metastatic breast disease two years ago and a bilateral mastectomy 7 years ago. And so much junk mail from anyone she ever gave a donation to and still selling her info. 

Comment by chef (John) on January 6, 2020 at 5:02am

" ...Never know when something is going to send you spinning."

@ Ultra2015: You're right. We don't...which is why I often refer to such situations as being "sucker-punched". The spinning/reeling/etc. reaction you had is normal. (We're still human, after all.) I'm sorry you had the experience, but also glad you posted for someone who might be going through the same situation. You're still showing that person the way forward. Hugs to all. 


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