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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Jun 27. 16 Replies

Crazy - taxes

Started by KJPE. Last reply by cupspinner Apr 10. 4 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by LandL (Linda) 2 hours ago

Melissa,  I understand exactly how you feel.  You have to make the decision whether or not to go, but don't beat yourself up if you can't.  Is the drive 3 hours one way?  That's a lot of time to fill.  Even 3 hours total.  Everything is harder now, and if you're filled with anxiety it might be best to wait and do something closer to home another time.  Then if you get anxious or feel uncomfortable you can always cut it short and go home.  In time you'll be able to take longer trips.  If you go, I hope you have a great time.  But don't let anyone make you feel bad if you're not able to.  Maybe sleep is what you need right now.

Comment by Roxi 3 hours ago

I know how you all feel..i went in vacation and after 2 days i began to count the days...and the time slow down...a week became endless...nothing is easy and i have to do an effort for everything...i'm feeling that is no worth it ! Ciao Roxi

Comment by Melissa 4 hours ago

22 months tomorrow since Gilbert had the stroke. I'm supposed to go to a gallery opening in Santa Barbara with a friend, but I just want to sleep.

I know I should go, but I'm filled with anxiety. I have a head full of what-ifs. I haven't been that far from home since Gilbert died, and I'm wondering how I'll ever be able to make conversation on a three-hour drive. Everything is just so much harder now. 

I know how you feel, Ultra.

Peace to you, too.

Comment by LP 6 hours ago

Yes it’s true. The ones were with sometimes remind us that we’d rather be with the one who is no longer there. That’s just the way it is sometimes. 

Comment by Barzan 9 hours ago

Ultra,  I've been there.  Just trying to be good company to company is so tiring.  It's been over 8 years for me and my company is sitting next to me.  Very dear friends but I'm so tired.  I think we can only take visitors in small doses.  Maybe because they are not the one we want with us 24/7.

Take care of yourself and I'm sending you hugs.

Comment by Ultra2015 9 hours ago

18 months. The past few weeks have been better. I’ve been doing a few more social things but it makes me tired. My older brother has been visiting for a week. That has been nice but I find myself so tired. He’s gone to visit some friends and will swing by for a day or two on his way back to Arizona. But the visit has made me so tired. Maybe because I’m telling stories of Sandi. IDK just really tired today. No motivation. Just one of those days I guess. 

Peace everyone. 

Comment by Tekwriter yesterday

I guess I am fortunate in the fact that my family is small, all my relatives are gone and I only have my husbands so they are very comforting because they loved him. I do no have a lot of close friends, my truly close friends came to my husbands memorial service those that did not I cut off contact. If they cared so little I didn't want to be bothered by them at all. This doesn't mean everyone I know, just those I considered a close friend.

Comment by BA7.5 yesterday


Thank you for your kind reply.  I certainly understand about the "old" you dying with Gilbert...And trying to figure out who the "new" you is... I oftentimes hear myself talking about the "old me."  Not much about the "new me" as I'm still realizing that Dave is gone and the "old me" is gone as well... I really liked the "old me" and us… I miss the "old me" and us...

It is so reassuring to be able to come to WV for virtual support... Knowing that I'm not alone with some of these thoughts and feelings that sometimes seem crazy helps so so much.  

Thank you for your care.  Take care of you as well as you make your way through the land of "After Gilbert."


Comment by CarLady on Wednesday

Dear Reit - Chef John is entirely correct.  There Is no “normal “ for grieving, it is an individual as we are, and as our relationships were. I also have stopped seeing some “friends” and even a couple of particularly mean family members who consistently upset me with nonsense.  I don’t miss them.  When I do run into them or it is unavoidable to see them at functions I smile, say hi and walk away.  We have to be kind to ourselves in order to survive, and keep ourselves surrounded with those who are supportive especially in the early years. We are here to support each other and we can extend this to our daily lives.  You are the one who suffered the loss of your partner, and although it’s  hard for others to understand most people are kind and supportive.  It’s those who are not you shouldn’t feel guilty about avoiding.  I hope this makes sense or helps in some way.  Hugs from Canada. 

Comment by chef (John) on Wednesday


Sorry for your troubles with "concerned" friends. You will have to decide whether you want to keep them as friends or maintain your distance from them and relegate them to the "acquaintance" level.. I have put some distance between me and a few people who told me "to get over it". I still see them from time to time, but our verbal exchanges are short/general, rather than longer/warm/spirited conversations in days gone by. The decision is yours, so I would counsel that you think things through before acting. Hugs for the difficulties.


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