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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 567
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Vettegirl yesterday

Thanks Dianne in Nevada and Leendah!  I appreciate your words of wisdom.  My head knows that I will be fine and make it and do great things, sometimes my heart just does not want to listen.  So I will sally forth and just let it go for now.  My mom always said, "I know not what the future holds but I know who holds the future."  So with those very true words in my head, I know that I will be ok.  You folks are amazing.

Comment by Leendah yesterday

Vettegirl - Dianne in Nevada is right - I thought for sure 2nd year would be easier but it's coming out of that fog of shock and numbness.  I'm not saying this to bring you down (my husband died Feb. 20 2013).  I'm saying it out of the reality we're all going through.  However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel as they say.  After 2 years and 1.5 months I can say I have true moments of happiness - when I'm not looking for it but when I just let myself "be" in this world and appreciate all the family and friend support.  To not try to look for the sunshine and good in life seems to be a waste of time for all the people that have been there for me.  It will get better because something inside you wants to continue on, especially if he or she loved you like crazy - don't waste that love.  And once I started hiking again those exercise endorphins did kick in.  Keep going, Vette!


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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on Friday

Many of us would agree with you, Vettegirl, that the second year is not easier. Maybe it's our expectation that it will be easier. Maybe we've come out of the fog and numbness of that year of firsts. Maybe it's reality setting in. Whatever the cause, it's definitely not easy. So do what you can to take those steps forward. But be kind to yourself while you're at it.  Don't beat yourself up if you can't find the motivation some days. It's ok. You can always give it a go the next day. 

Happy? Well, I think the definition changes. I miss him and the happy that was us. But yes, I'm mostly 'happy' with my life right now - the volunteering, the giving back, my recent retirement, the trips I've taken, the new friends I've made. But those 'happy' moments are always shadowed by him not being there with me. And the realization that the things I'm doing now are because he died and not at all what we would be doing together if he had lived. But that's the life I have, so I find a way to make it work. You will, too. Just give it time. 

Comment by Vettegirl on Friday

Well I thought it would be easier in the second year.  It is not.  I seem to be able to handle day to day life at work but at home it is just the same as it has been seen February 19. 2014, the day Dave passed away.  I am coming up on the second birthday without him, etc. etc, and the second anniversary of life events seems just as hard as the first.  I know that I have to "get with the program" but I just want stay at home and sleep and let the days pass.  I need to start my exercise program but it is so hard to motivate myself.  I know that I have to do it but I just don't care.......  However, I will start with just 5 or 10 minutes of exercise a day and work up from there.  I don't expect to be HAPPY again, I just don't want to be so sad.  So, Happy Birthday America and soon Happy Birthday to me.  Just wish me luck on my journey to fitness and less sadness.  Hopefully exercise produces endorphins and endorphins make you happy.......Nite all.


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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on Friday

I am so sorry, Charlies wife. May God's peace comfort you and your family and keep you safe as you travel. 

Comment by Slick on Thursday

Charlie's wife....I am so sorry....I have no words but offer you and your family all of God's peace to get through this.....

Comment by Colleen on Thursday
Charlie's wife I am so very sorry that you have to go thru this...I will be saying prayers for you for a safe trip...and like others said,you'll be a help as far as knowing what we go thru...
Comment by bis4betsy on Thursday

Charlies wife- sorry for this loss on top of losing your husband.  I will keep you in prayer for safe travel.  Not only do you have advice for your sister-in-law, but please remember to share the wisdom you have about grieving with everyone else who loved your brother.  ((hugs))

Comment by Lost15 on Thursday
Charlies wife....so so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. You will be a great comfort for your sister in law.....you know how she feels. I think if we comfort others at this time of loss...it also helps us. So sorry
Comment by Charlies wife on Thursday

 Morning all. What started at as a normal work day changed quickly to a day of grief when my niece called me at 7 am letting me know that that my oldest brother ,my best bud, died during the night. I am devastated. Tears and sobs.  I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take.

He was in the hospital for hernia surgery, had a slow blood leak and a clot and was put in ICU Saturday. He was doing good. He did not want to have the surgery and I thought I had changed his mind about doing it when I explained he would have to wear a hot compression type garment for 2 months in the summertime.

I definitely have some advice for my sister in law after my 20 months of widowhood.

I've got to travel so am getting things ready for the trip,having the van checked out and washing clothes. My daughter,grandson and another briother and his wife will ride with me. Hopefully my brother will drive.

Please pray for us during this holiday weekend. Thank you my friends.

 

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