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Born in the 50s

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Members: 600
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

PETS?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by SweetMelissa on Wednesday. 5 Replies

Dating

Started by Bj. Last reply by SweetMelissa on Wednesday. 4 Replies

DATING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Seashell Jan 26. 84 Replies

Social Adjustment

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by SweetMelissa Jan 20. 9 Replies

MOVING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by BergenJC Oct 23, 2015. 6 Replies

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Born in the 50s to add comments!

Comment by Dreamland on Wednesday
I do have one in the area, mixed reviews but I am mainly looking for non perishables, so they could work out.

Thanks.
Comment by SweetMelissa on Wednesday

Dreamland, 

If you have Safeway in your area, I know they delivered back in 2007. I don't know about now.

Take care ...

Comment by Dreamland on Wednesday
SweetMelissa

I am not used to having to stay put, but I need to keep the weight off the ankle so it will heal properly. 4-8 weeks. Fortunately my friends are kicking in to help me out. Looking at places that deliver groceries. Thanks for the options for getting help. That will be useful. We do have to be careful and this accident totally caught me off guard. Now I just have to be good and stay off my ankle.

Hoping to heal fast!
Comment by SweetMelissa on Wednesday

Dreamland,

Sorry to hear of your injury. During grief, everyone is highly susceptible to illness & injury ...

I thought the major reason for my injuries was aging. Fortunately, I found it not to be entirely true, most of it was grief. I had to learn to tone it down even though I find strenuous physical work a great way to get endorphins rushing through my brain ... :-)

Another suggestion is to get help. I hire a youth group from a local church, that I am not a member of, for a variety of tasks such as house cleaning, yard work, moving stuff, etc. This youth group takes donations like household items, clothes, furniture, just about anything they can sell to finance their church activities. They always have an adult present to help them as well as communicate w/the employer.

Take care ...

Comment by Seashell on Tuesday

My heart goes out to all of you in the loss of your loved ones. April 11th marks 3 years since Jerry passed away. I call this "the year of healing". Forgiving Jerry for passing, forgiving myself for all the times I was not patient with him during his illness. It is a time of healing my soul. It is a time of realizing that life will continue on even without Jerry here. I read more now. I like the solitude of my home and the peace it now gives me being there. I have made my home my own - emotionally. I have pictures of places we loved that evoke the good memories. I have seashells and sand and heart shaped rocks. I started taking a class last week, and on the first night I suddenly felt guilty because I was taking a class without Jerry. I found a heart shaped rock on my way out of class and placed it near his picture (so he wouldn't be alone while I was gone). Then I had to laugh because I realized that he could attend that class if he wanted... Oh, well. Such is life. As I have been able to let go of the anger and find a sense of peace between us I felt Jerry nearby this weekend. I was feeling nostalgic and almost every person I encountered came from where our married life together began. Everything they brought up gave me some happy memory of what had been. I thought "what a wonderful gift he has given me". All because 'I let him back in'. 

Comment by Dreamland on Sunday
CarolinaHeart

Thank you for your kind words. I definitely know I am not the person I was and will never be that person again. The hurt is deep, carolinaHeart, and it hurts even more as I approach the anniversary of the passing of my sister. Did do something special for myself. I gave my engagement ring to a friend and fantastic jeweler. She hand delivered the engagement ring back to me yesterday with a beautiful purple amethyst set in the ring. I have not been able to take it off. It reflects both the love of my sister and my husband, getting the diamond put into a necklace that we are designing together. Am laid up right now with a fracture in my right foot that happened while I was getting the property and the farm my husband and I worked prepped before the big storm on the east coast. Things like hauling firewood in wheel barrows etc. Hope the doctor will give me something on my foot that I can get around with. Can't drive, so stuck at the house with foot elevated and two dogs who are cooperating with the situation.

So sorry for the loss of your husband of many years and then your Mom. Some days you can't even figure who you are grieving for. Very difficult. I know I'll see my morning again and that it is a long journey. We both have a long journey and the sun will rise again. I do feel stronger as time goes on, more independent because what choice do you have. This ankle thing has been a drag because it has temporarily taken away that independence.

Again thank you for your reassurances, just finished my third year on my husband and soon will be the second year for my sister. Miss them both very much.

We will survive!
Comment by CarolinaHeart on Sunday

Dreamland....if your sun has set, it will rise again. You are waiting for  "your morning" to come! You have some deep hurt right now, and I sympathize with you with my whole heart. Your losses and sorrow have turned you into someone you don't recognize. I know because I lost my husband of 32 years followed by the death of my Mom very soon after. Having been an only child, my history was wiped out between the two losses in very short order. This thought combined with overwhelming grief terrified me. We can't be the same people, but we can make a choice to emerge stronger, hopeful. It has been a long journey for me too, but I can tell you that there is light on the other side. 

Comment by Dreamland on January 27, 2016 at 7:00am
I lost my husband, Bob, suddenly & unexpectedly October 2012. We have had a small farm for many years. My husband started it and I joined him a few years later. We grow produce for local restaurants. Bob and I had been out all day picking orders, making deliveries and then starting on orders for the next day. Bob had a tendency toward high and low blood pressure, and after seeing the doctor a few days before, the doctor was pleased. In the evening, we had a conference call with my sister, Genna's Doctor telling us she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. Genna was living out in Arizona. In the middle of the night I felt Bob sitting on edge of bed, which was not unusual, he always waited to be sure he would be steady on his feet. He sat there so long I offered to help him, started around the bed, made the turn at the back of the bed and Bob collapsed. I think he was already gone even though the emts had me attempt to do CPR until they got there. I'll never forget that moment, yelling at Bob to wake up, knowing...

In the fall of 2013 I drove to Arizona to visit my sister, hadn't seen her in years. It was a hard visit and when I got home I started discussing her coming back her and using my local hospice. I drove back to Arizona to get my sister, her dog, and things she wanted to take back here. She passed away at my home with my younger sister and I at her side Valentine's Day 2014.

It has been tough having two very important people gone from my life in such a short period of time. I realize I am no longer the person I was before these deaths and never will be. That has been hard to accept, but I have! Tried to continue the farm in a way I could handle which has only worked semi well. I am at the point now that I am making the final decision regarding supplying restaurants with produce or utilizing our greenhouse and high tunnel to grow food for myself.

It is a long journey, I am approaching 65, Bob was 63 when he passed. Married 38 years, known each other over 40 years. I miss him every day.
Comment by Dreamland on January 27, 2016 at 6:57am
SweetMelissa suggested I check out this site. I was born in the 50's, also a member of suddenly widowed, widowed in 2012, & multiple losses with the death of my sister here at my home with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I know I will learn much from this site. Thank you, SweetMelissa for suggesting it.
Comment by SweetMelissa on January 26, 2016 at 4:09pm

Slick,

At 5yrs out, unbeknownst to me, I was 3yrs away from grief ending. I continued to read all my books since my brain was still like a sieve or the stored information would get mixed up. Gosh! I don't know how it happened! :-)

My husband died from head crush blunt force trauma sustained in a car collision; we were both in our late 40s. I drove through the crash site on week days timing the collision from DH's point of entry onto the freeway to impact. 2 minutes 37 seconds -it never changed in all the years I did it. Every once in a great while I will time it again -still no change. DH's life was taken from him in a flash by a road rage driver.

I had psychotic rage episodes for 3yrs after every monthy court appearance. I saw nothing but red darkness as I cried, screamed, banged/clawed at the walls, destroyed things in my wake for two - four days after hours of being in the presence of the man who killed my husband as he smirked at me or made sure I heard him laughing w/his attorney outside the courtroom. I got alot out of my system during that time including weight, I was a consistent anorexic looking 90lbs during that time -my shoes didn't even fit correctly. I also fractured/broke 5 teeth the first yesr on Christmas Eve that had to be pulled immediately, and developed polymyalgia from years of intense stress.

By 5yrs out, I was only able to shed tears on special ocassions. Massage greatly helped during the times I needed to cry, but couldn't get it started. I love massage. It is an ideal way to cry effortlessly & w/out gut wretching pain. Nice & smooth, like being cradled.

I still remember every year, that man's b-day is the day after my youngest son's b-day as well as his full name being the same as my nephew. I always say a prayer for him. I learned there wasn't a thing I could have done to that man that would've taken away my suffering ... even though all the while I sat nicely composed as I envisioned flying across the courtroom to grab him by the throat to slam him against a wall, flushing his ass down a toilet or beating him upside the head w/a phone book. I know, a phone book is lame, but that was the only thing I could think of as a weapon. :-()

Had it not been for my daily work to restore &/or maintain my spiritual/moral values -I'm certain my life now would not be as good as it is now. I'm am ever so grateful I made it out of hell as well as now truly being able to see the light of day.

I did have times when I missed DH so much I thought I would die, then the rage at that man would take over. Its difficult to explain how I miss him now -its w/smiles & laughter. Its seems strange since just a short time ago I teetered on a mental breakdown that had my poor babies worried out of their minds. If I could've avoided causing them additional suffering, I would've done everything in my power to do so, but all I could do was lock myself in the closest for hours till I could be civil. Sadly, my therapist didn't think to use EMDR early enough to prevent physical damage, the psychotic rages or to alleviate PTSD. Bastard! Oh, well. I had to forgive him too. :-)

My 48yr old niece lives w/me. Since we're family we're much alike from humor to cooking to folding the ends of pillow cases inside. We rarely go out together, but having her in my home provides normalcy ... and cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, conversation, etc. :-()  I think my sister sent her to live w/me when I was alittle over 7yrs out -I guess they didn't know I could've used the help earlier.

Isn't that something thinking about all the times I wanted to be able to do things uninterrupted or by myself, then suddenly being left w/too much time on my hands to think & think enough to make myself crazy. Thanks to God, I have found purpose & a new perspective on life.  :-()

You'll get there, just keep believing ...

Peace & light ...♡

 

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