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Born in the 50s

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Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 615
Latest Activity: 7 hours ago

Discussion Forum

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Patience (Diane) 7 hours ago. 18 Replies

MOVING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Boxer Mom Mar 19. 7 Replies

PETS?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by sunfeathers Feb 14. 6 Replies

Dating

Started by Bj. Last reply by SweetMelissa Feb 3. 4 Replies

DATING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Seashell Jan 26. 84 Replies

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by Patience (Diane) 7 hours ago

Dear Seashell,  I absolutely agree! Time spent in the car to see your family is time Very Well Spent! 

Comment by Seashell on Tuesday

Dear Patience: I am so glad I made your day. My grade school did square dancing and Moon River was one of the songs I had square danced to. This week has been an emotional week for me where I have really missed Jerry. I got a notice that my youngest had posted pictures and looked at them. They brought joy to me to see my youngest grandson smiling. Sunday is Mother's Day. It may well be worth the 10 hours in the car up and back over the weekend just to see my children and grandchildren.

Comment by Patience (Diane) on Sunday
Seashell, I haven't checked in here in a little while , but so glad I did. I think I was meant to see your post! This May 20 it will be 4 years that my Wayne is gone....
"moon river" was a very special song for my husband and me! I used to sing it to him .... And we would laugh together because I didn't sing very well!
Good memories!
Comment by Seashell on April 27, 2016 at 11:00am

Three years have passed since Jerry passed away. There are days I still have to pray just to make it out of bed and through my day. There are days - like today - where I cry - a little. I had been watching a show over the weekend where they sang "Moon River" and I just began singing it this morning and I cried. As I was getting ready for work the "Moon River" song came over the station I was listening to. I have begun to look toward new avenues of finding a new life for myself. My mother always loved archeaology and somehow I seem to enjoy that myself now. I am studying metaphysical beliefs and find that I am happier with myself and more at peace. Meditation has become a very large part of my life. I miss my daughters and grandchildren but have several years before I can retire but I am learning to take it one day at a time. Today, life is good.

Comment by Tink on April 23, 2016 at 5:36am

Marilyn, that is what is so hard, not having that person there by your side any more. There are things to be done on the house that I have no idea of how I am going to be able to get them done. When my husband was in a nursing home before he passed, an old hunting buddy of his would come and sit with him and read to him, even though my husband could no longer speak. It was such a blessing for us. But one year later, he committed suicide. The hardest thing was to go to that viewing. It was close by so that gave me the ability to go, but I was only able to do it with all three of my children there to support me through that short time.  What has made it harder too for me is that the year before my husband passed, our son-in-law passed away, leaving our daughter widowed at 33 with two small children. I grieve for her also and that I can not be more helpful to her since I have to work full time. So between us, we have two households to try and take care of with no men to help us.  ((HUGS, back to you))

Comment by Marilyn on April 23, 2016 at 12:42am

Tink, I feel the same way and I just passed 2 years.  It's really frustrating!  And now my husband's cousin just passed away.  We were all close.  I want to be there for her because I know how it feels.  But I don't want to be there because I know how it feels.  It's all a moot point, I can't get away to travel 800 miles for the funeral.  It's all just one big frustration!  Want to go, don't want to go, can't go because of work and expense.  I'm afraid the can't go will win out. I'm not happy about that, but it's pretty much out of my hands. Some days I wish I had someone to take me by the hand and lead me along telling me what to do when.  So, if it's any help, I know how it feels.  ((HUGS))

Comment by Tink on April 22, 2016 at 6:47pm

I still feel I have no energy left when I come home from work and it is over two years for me. Some weekends now I am just starting to feel I can try and accomplish some thing little. I have found it is easier to tackle a job for a short amount of time so it does not overwhelm me. It is always easier too, when you have someone there to help you out. I have come to terms that when I feel it is too much , to let it go for another time. There are some things I know I am just not ready to tackle even yet, like cleaning out all his things in the basement. Grieving is so exhausting, it just takes so much out of you.

Comment by solamente mio on April 22, 2016 at 11:03am

Thank You both for your comments.  It truly helps to hear others say, yeah it's what it is at this point. You are both right in that guilt is a pain in the ass as it wants to be your contaant friend, and Laurajay you are right giref has limited my energy and strength on a daily basis. I still work full time, and know that I should do a little something when I get home, like go out and try to check some of the machinery or get a small mower out and running to do some property maintainance, but I have no energy and it's like I just dont give a damm. I also know what choice do I have.

I'm sure we have all had those moments, and I am there right now, where you say, I'll just lock the door and head somwhere else for a while but  it;s not realistic. I do have my brother who will help on the weekend to do some organizing and decission making on what items are worth keeping and what should be sold as it shouldnt just sit around.  I am hoping as you say, that as these items leave, I can "breath" better and not feel so laden down - I just vascillate so much,  I do need to rememebr to be kind to me no matter what.  I too had felt capable making sound decission but now doubt the ones I make. I am still going to plan on retiring next year. My husband had asked me in late October, when are "we" retiring.  At first I said, oh youre too young - he was 59 an I am 64 - but would have backtracked and said go ahead as I knew he wanted to start a small mobile businees fixing small engines - something he was good at but 59 I guess was all he got so.... I'll let myself go slow on this one.  Thanks to all for your supportive words.   (Denise )

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 16, 2016 at 9:50pm

Guilt is such a pain the ass! But once you get to the point of realizing it makes no sense simply b/c what you're trying to hold together was a "we" project rsther than one you imagined on your own. There are some things its best to let go of, if not for your physical heath but your sanity. They are what is important to fight for.

The relief of letting go of burdensome possessions allowed me to breath when I was being choked down w/grief & far more important issues ...

After some time it will feel as if it has always been this way. That allows you to know the pain in your heart & soul are healing ...

Do what you think is best, but don't fight the inevitable ...

Comment by laurajay on April 13, 2016 at 9:11pm

solamente mio  At 4.5 mo you are doing very well!  If you are overwhelmed and believing it is all too much for one person,  you are probably right!   Even if you were not widowed it sounds like huge responsibilities  for even a couple. One thing for sure...if you stand back at look at all of this...grief limits both your energy and your strength because it requires time and attention and draws from your resources every day  just to cope.   Therefore we are faced with either  giving up  or better choice of getting help  or if that is not possible we have to break it all down in single steps doing one thing at a time portioning out our energy for each thing, etc.   We had a family business and for me it took over two years to realize I could not and no longer wanted to exhaust myself doing it alone.  I gave it to my daughter and son-in-law.  Everything is overwhelming.  I reached year 4 last month and still have to take  things one at a time  24/7.

  Life is permanently changed.  Power over things has diminished and simplicity has become a goal.  You can do what is required but it may entail a revamping of the way you do things and getting help or cutting back...it may not be business as usual because you are doing things alone.   I'm sure you make lists of priorities in the business and they are necessary to move forward.  But you do need to be kind to yourself as you grieve because grief is very demanding and the overwhelming feeling you are having is not surprising. I hated the feeling- used to be capable and accomplished- then suddenly alone , afraid, in tears and nearly hopeless---scary. Part of the journey is bumpy and has major roadblocks.  Trust yourself to take one step at a time.  Take good care of your body with diet and rest.  Schedule small blocks of time for social or meditative or quiet times.  Do something each day that brings beauty or joy or humor into your life.  It will help however small it is.  Expect nothing from others but count any help they give as a surprise that way they won't disappoint you.   Don't know your age or if you are a believer but I do believe the strength you need is within you.  It will find a way.  You will succeed but perhaps in a way you cannot envision right now.    Yes,  we all have those days when we lack answers and understanding and the will to find a reason to believe it will all work out...that everything will be OK.  One step  One moment-  a second step an additional moment -and then a third   etc...  each day forward and then the moments with become  hours and then days and weeks and months and years...time goes on and I believe you will too- and where it may not get easier soon  you will grow in your accomplishments  and you will find the deep grief lifts as you succeed.   Nothing succeeds like success.  Keep on keeping on...for your immediate dismay will pass .

 

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