Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation


Born in the 50s

Groups are a place to help locate folks "like you," and maybe say "hi."

Welcome to this group's coordinator, Wannabmartha!

Members: 436
Latest Activity: 15 hours ago

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Born in the 50s to add comments!

Comment by irishlady 15 hours ago

BergenJC...I thought it might be me interpreting it the wrong way, but can not figure out why friends of 45+ years that I corresponded with regularly, now are no where to be found. Makes me kind of believe that it was my husband they really liked. He was very charismatic and I am a little shy. I never worked outside the home, so was rather isolated and did not make a LOT of friends easily, but did have close friends..the ones who now do not wirte or call. I do call them, but it would be nice if they thought of me once in a while. I have done the grief counseling thing...singularly and with a group. I did make a couple of friends out of that. All I can say is thank goodness for my kids and grands.

Comment by irishlady 15 hours ago

Moonpie...I too have found some people who ahve stuck by me that I never would have suspected that of. But, still hurts to see old friends ignore you.

Comment by irishlady 15 hours ago

Joellen..I think the same thing. I always say..you can't catch this!

Comment by Claire 18 hours ago

Amen BergenJC!!

Comment by BergenJC 19 hours ago

Joellen:  YOU have the power to not make it lonely.  No, you cannot bring your husband back, but you CAN reconfigure your social circle so it has people who get it.  I have a "best friend" of 30 years who texts me every six weeks but nothing more.  Her children are at college but she insists they keep her too busy to go out.  She is usually depressed anyway (despite having her husband, 2 good, really together kids, a nice home and a job) about her mean mother, money, getting older, etc.  I am working 70 hours a week but she needs ME to get her directions to the place we are going on Friday because I asked her to go.   I have made new friends, and will end up making as much room for her as she has for me, which is to say not much...and I will go on with my life, embracing people who are affirming and giving and alive. 

The reason I tubthump so much about how we have the power to change our lives is because I saw my mother isolate herself after her husband died.  My sister took her to concerts, discussion groups, book clubs, Hadassah, all kinds of places where she could have met people, but she always branded people as unfriendly, or anti-Semitic, because SHE would not put out any effort.  She died lonely and friendless.  We didn't even have a funeral for her because she had no friends who would have cared to come.  It was just my sister and me and our husbands at a short graveside ceremony.  I do not believe that you or any of us wants to end up that way.

No one is saying you shouldn't be hurt that your friends cannot step up to the plate.  Everything you say about theirBut you have two choices:  Either stay stuck in resentment of them, or find people who can step up to the plate.    They are out there.  We have the power to choose.

Comment by BergenJC 21 hours ago

It is THEIR cop-out, but it is probably the truth.  And if you are in a senior development, then let's face it -- the older we get the closer we are to meeting the reaper ourselves.  Unfortunately it is human nature to deny death as a reality.  People think that if they stay away from you they can keep death away.  Some people can transcend this, some can't. 

That said, sometimes we are a bit raw in grief and interpret things differently from how they are meant.  But if the situation is that uncomfortable, then it's time to make new friends.  I'm sure you can't be the only widowed person in your community.  If you need to, start a meetup and find them!

Comment by Moonpie 22 hours ago

Dear Irishlady.  It is sad and has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them.  Some are uncomfortable because they dont' know what to say or fear saying the wrong thing. It is a cop out but they do it. Some have even told me that.   Some are uncomfortable in dealing with grief so they avoid it. For some we are a reminder of what could happen to them, losing their spouse.  As for those that only want to talk about themselves, there are many who are just selfish and insensitive. And for a few paranoid ones they fear we will be after their spouses.  I have been shocked since my sweet husband died at how many tried and true friends that have been with me through everything have stepped out of the picture.  Then those I would have never dreamed would step forward, those I had never met before, and some from my past have come in and been major support.  It is crazy. I am sorry you are experiencing this.  As if losing our spouse is not already enough, to go through the rejection of others because we did make it even harder.  I am glad you found this group.  They are a great support and help.  

Comment by Joellen 22 hours ago
I am at 2 years out and get the same thing.. I think they believe that widowhood is like a contagious disease and if they talk to us or ask us to go to the movies, or lunch they will end up a widow too! It is sad.... all the people who said they would call, that we would go to lunch, etc have never called so it was just words for lack of anything else to say. It is a really lonely life...
Comment by irishlady 23 hours ago

OK..can someone help me understand this. My husband died one year ago. I live in a senior housing development. when he was alive, we had tons of company, and right after he died, but now I feel like a pariah. Neighbors who were what I considered real friends, now ignore me for the most part. they used to ask me out for lunch, stop by to check on me. Now they almost run past my house. No waves, no hellos, nothing. Seems like if they can not just talk about themselves, they are not inertested. I am still grieving and need friends. They will stop and talk to my little dog when I walk her, but say very little if anything to me. And I have friends I always e-mailed for years and years and they have stopped writing. Is it me? Them? What? I do not buy that old saying..they just don't know what to say to you. I think that is a cop out. I feel so all alone.

Comment by Rose yesterday
Feels good, not go!

Members (436)


This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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