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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum


Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Athena53 Jun 20. 82 Replies

Giving Myself a Panic Attack

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 10. 9 Replies

The hardest time of day

Started by Tess. Last reply by 1988zinnia Jun 8. 26 Replies

Deja Vu all over again?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by LP Jun 2. 4 Replies

Problems with moving

Started by Racingfan60. Last reply by Melissa Mar 10. 2 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by susanelizabeth on July 4, 2018 at 6:07pm

Shelley, Cookies are good too, as long as you don't do it every day. That's what cookies are for.

Comment by Melissa on July 4, 2018 at 6:03pm

"Allow a few oohs and ahhs in their memory." I love that, Barzan. 

This is my first Fourth of July without my husband; without ball games, hot dogs, swimming, a house full of people and their kids. I'm going to say something completely ridiculous, but it reflects how bad grief is.

I have a kidney infection and have a lot of pain and a fever. I'm on medication and getting better, but I am so grateful to be so sick on this day. Kidney pain is horrible, but it's not as horrible as grief. I can lie here and realize that even if Gilbert were still alive, I'd still be sick and we wouldn't be having fun.

I know how crazy that sounds, but being sick is quite a comfort. My love to you all.

Comment by shelley on July 4, 2018 at 5:57pm

Wish I'd figured it out before I ate a whole box of cookies.  

Comment by Barzan on July 4, 2018 at 5:45pm

Very hard for me as well.  My son has his family and friends that they’d get together with as does my brother.  My mom is in a rehab facility following a stroke so spent my afternoon with her.  While my husband was still alive, we’d usually be out on the links all day and playing firemen in our neighborhood in the evening.  After his passing and retirement four years later, I have my jewelry design business at full operation and I paint and write.  All of my activities are solo.  I just realized that I need to make changes and be open to new friends and relationships.

I have some very good friends who have spouses and extended families as well as some who live far away. It’s been 7 years since my love and best friend passed and time for me to let some new people in.  I do miss doing the things we used to enjoy as a couple, and knowing he will never be back, I need to start feeling something besides loss and loneliness.  As hard as it is, it’s time I come out of my darkness.

I’ve been crying and lost for so long.  

I hope everyone in our group can find some comfort in this holiday.  Think of the one you loved and lost as the sky becomes aglow with color and allow a few oohs and ahhs in their memory.  

Hugs to all.

Comment by shelley on July 4, 2018 at 5:21pm

Thank you, susanelizabeth (also my sister's name).  I couldn't figure out why I was such a wreck all day today.  It's a holiday!  I forgot it's a holiday!  Yes, I can remember all the Fourth of Julys we spent together.  Always together.  Always special.  I thought maybe because I went out last night for the first time, maybe because of what it usually is-  I miss him so much.  But the holiday.  The holiday is the answer.  The holidays always make it worse.  And this is my first Fourth of July without John.  I'll have to try to remember this when the next holiday rolls around.  Thank goodness the day is almost over.  

Comment by susanelizabeth on July 4, 2018 at 3:28pm

Yes, people realize holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving are hard, but they don't realize things like Fourth of July can be hard, too, when you're used to having someone to spend them with and you have your own little traditions. My first Fourth of July weekend alone, I had no one to talk to all weekend--the 4th was a Friday that year--and I did every thing I could think of to get out of the house: I went to the movies, went to watch fireworks from a parking  lot and cried the whole time, went to the library, to church, and to the mall on Sunday afternoon just to be around people. By Monday I just could not stop crying and they put me in the hospital for a week because they thought I was going to kill myself. Not one of my friends or family who should have been supporting me felt the slightest bit guilty or changed any of their behavior toward me--they just chalked it up to my "weakness" and from then on I had a "history" they could blame everything on.

This evening I am gong to a Meet-up potluck with a group of women I've never met before, then coming home to watch the movie 1776, which was our special tradition. I've accepted the fact that all my holidays for the rest of my life will be scrambling to find something to do just to get through the day, but it still sucks. Do whatever you have to do to get through the day that won't hurt you more in the long run, and remember, tomorrows another day.

Comment by Tess on July 4, 2018 at 2:53pm

Shelley and Allan, me too. I have been crying off and on today. Holidays are the pits, so lonely. I had to finally park in front of the TV just so I could get out of my head for a while.

Sending you comfort from afar...

Comment by shelley on July 4, 2018 at 2:49pm

I went out with a friend last night, first time I've been out at night since my husband died.  Had an okay time but coming home was hard.  Started sobbing around midnight and have pretty much been crying since.  Yes, holidays are even lonelier.  

Comment by Allan_sch on July 4, 2018 at 2:40pm

I am also having a tough day, not the same without my honey 

Comment by shelley on July 4, 2018 at 2:00pm

Having such a hard day today.


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