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Born in the 50s

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in-laws of deceased husband

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Retire? Or Not?

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Comment by Susan on July 3, 2017 at 5:44am

I have SAID  a lot of nothing.

Comment by Susan on July 3, 2017 at 5:43am

Mary Beth,

   Paul was what you call a " Meat & Potatoes Man " ...  I don't care for them unless the meat is lean, medium rare and with a strip of bacon around it. LOL  Which is pricey... So I just love my seafood and what he called my " Healthy Food ".

   As soon as we sat down in a restaurant , his hand would stray to the ketchup or salt & pepper. I told him that it's disrespectful to the chef if you don't taste the food as it's served first. THEN you can do as you wish as far as condiments go. So he complied. Surprisingly enough, he would forego doctoring his food as usual once in awhile.

   So now I'll cook for our son & daughter in law when they come to visit on weekends just like I did for Paul. I just can't bring MYSELF to eat it.... I'm happy with fixing side salads for each of us.

   As far as paper plates go, I have used them up and am now using our everyday stoneware plates that we chose together almost 40 years ago.

   I realize I have a lot of nothing here, but it helps ;-) 




Comment by Barzan on July 3, 2017 at 5:18am

Athena53 - I've been wanting to go back to Hungary to visit family for several years but hate the thought of traveling alone.  My friends don't have the money for the trip and the kids can't take 3 weeks off from work.  So I am left to decide if I want to just do it or wait another year to see what happens. 

The world has changed so much in the past 5 years that make me question traveling overseas altogether.  I think since my Barney died, I have lost some of my courage.  Back then, nothing would faze me. 

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on July 3, 2017 at 3:40am


I haven't gotten past the popcorn stage!! I still eat that sometimes for supper...I count it as my grain for the day. ;)

Comment by Boo on July 2, 2017 at 2:39pm
D was the same way.. I even called him my picky eater. When he first was gone, I got stuff he didn't like, and it was awful. Not sure if it was the pre-mixed stuff or the food. He really didn't like lettuce, so salads were out... hence the salad bar tears.

I'm eating better now, but I ate too junky for awhile... ice cream, popcorn, junk food. I will be a regular at the salad bar now. I look at others my age there and wonder if they are widowed too.

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on July 2, 2017 at 1:26pm

When Tom and I first got married he was a very picky eater, he didn't even know what salt & pepper were. Down through the years, he loosened up and learned to like a lot more things but he wasn't fond of anything that was healthy and I learned to fix what he liked. I would find new recipes, more on the healthy side, that I would have loved but he always poo-pooed them. Now that he is gone I have no clue what some of those recipes are. I go to the store and still buy and fix things that he would like. I at look at things and some days I'm not even sure what I like. I guess I will eventually get to the point where I start to fix things that I like, fish, oyster stew. Heck I have just graduated from eating my dinner out of the pan to using paper plates, baby steps I think.

Comment by Susan on July 2, 2017 at 1:13pm

Hi Boo!

    That's sad on one hand, yet slightly funny on the other hand. ...  I always liked certain foods that Paul didn't. Of course we agreed on many things. But I enjoyed a lot what he called " Health Foods ". Yes, Salads were a big part of it. ... When I make Lobster Bisque, I just know Paul would love it ! 


Comment by Athena53 on July 2, 2017 at 12:41pm

Barzan, I had plenty of practice traveling alone before and during the marriage- I traveled on business and frequently had a weekend day (or a whole weekend) to myself in cities such as Delhi, Bangalore, London, Brussels, Munich, Zurich-- a fun challenge!  Even with DH, there were times I'd go out while he relaxed in the room since I had more stamina than he did.  He'd happily listen to my stories afterwards, and sometimes I found interesting things that we visited together later.

Since he died in November, I've been on a road trip to visit family in the Carolinas (2,500 miles in 9 days), went on a cruise in Central America and went to a meeting of my former professional society in Toronto.  So, sometimes I'm around people I know and sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes I start conversations with strangers and sometimes I keep to myself.  The cruise was on a small ship where even couples didn't do things in tandem, so I didn't feel like a 5th wheel.  In March I'm going to India on a guided tour with my Aunt.  India isn't a good place to go bopping around on your own- public transportation is overcrowded and dodgy, driving is insane (not recommended for foreigners), so you're pretty much stuck with hiring a private driver, which is very isolating.  I've got my big trips planned, God willing, though the end of 2019.

Comment by Boo on July 2, 2017 at 10:54am

Susan, talk about tears coming at odd times.  My daughter and I were in the grocery store.  This one has a fabulous salad bar, so I was getting something for dinner.  I started thinking about D and how he didn't like half the things there... just teared up right there.   Once I got it together we joked about "salad bar-induced tears".  

Just never know when or where the remembrances will come and overwhelm you.  Take care.

Comment by Susan on July 2, 2017 at 8:22am

Without Jim,

    " I THINK : I know how you feel...  I think the younger a widow is, the more defenseless & anxious she feels. I'm 60.. I knew for almost 2 years that my husband of 38 years would have his life cut short by Glioblastoma.( Aggressive Brain Cancer) Yes, it hurts. Yes, I feel alone.  We were told way ahead of time to prepare ourselves for not what MAY happen, but for what WILL happen. ... After they stopped his Chemo Treatments, because he had all that his body could tolerate, He seemed to be doing well! But little did we know that tumors were growing at a fast rate on his spine.Then the worst happened.

     Now I'm living by myself in a house Paul bought for me. He worked on it to make it our own. He loved wood working. So everywhere I look, I see something he made.

     On Easter ( 2017 ) , My son and Daughter In Law told me that I'm going to a be a Grandma ( for the first time ) in October ! They just found out that the baby is a BOY!!!  Something to look forward to. But I wish Paul was here to enjoy our Grandson together.  But then again, How many children can say that their Grandpa is also their Guardian Angel ? :-)   ( I know, probably a lot ) ...

     After being married for 38 years, I can't imagine ever getting married again. I love Paul. I don't think there is another man out man as good as him.  But I would like a friend someday.  

      I have several Widow Friends. And of course the friends we have always had. ... But I'm still lonely. Loneliness must be the worst part of Widowhood. I don't think I ever lived alone. I went from my parents home, to our home. 

      The tears still come and go at the oddest times. Did you ever wake up with tears streaming down your face?  It happens. Or when I special song come on ? It happens all of the time.  Did you ever hear something and think to yourself, " I have to tell Paul about that! " ... Then I remember... :-( 

      I guess I spoke long enough.

Hugs & Prayers To All!




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