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Born in the 50s

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Members: 726
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Discussion Forum

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by shelley on Saturday. 10 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by bblue5 Sep 13. 6 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Athena53 Aug 28. 19 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Tess on August 29, 2018 at 11:25am

Riet, that feeling of pointlessness is very common. Sometimes I wonder why I go through the motions, and that is what it feels like many times. Hang in there.

I hate when people think you can substitute a friend or another person for your missing spouse. It is company, but that is about it. It is just not the same.

As far as talking to spouses, I thought everyone did that. I never questioned for one moment that it was not normal or would be questioned by others. My husband's spirit is with me and I strongly feel that he can hear me and is guiding me through this widow obstacle course.

Comment by LP on August 29, 2018 at 9:42am

All of us here recognise that- the pointlessness of everything, the. Absoluteness of death, how the one thing we want more than anything - the return of our loved one -  will never come true. It is all so very painful, and the feeling of loss will never go away because our loved ones are gone forever. But I think the most recent thinking on bereavement is helpful - it says the loss never diminishes but that your life grows around it. In rime, new life experiences will not lessen the loss but will give us something else to think about. 

Comment by riet on August 29, 2018 at 9:28am

 Today everything I do seems pointless without my husband. I feel completely numb and lack energy for anything.

I wished so much he was still with me.  But he isn't, he isn't.

Comment by shelley on August 29, 2018 at 8:44am

I talk to my husband all the time.

Comment by NancyD on August 29, 2018 at 8:26am

I talk to my husband a little bit, too.  Sometimes I'm very aware of his "presence"  and I do feel like he sometimes communicates with me.  Mostly he "tells" me that he is OK, that I needn't worry so much, that I am doing just fine and making good decisions, that he is still loving me.  It makes me cry and it also is very reassuring.  I don't share this with many people in my daily life for fear they might think I am "hearing voices" (!!!) but I feel comfortable talking about it here.  I'm sure some of you have this kind of experience, too.

MsWizard, don't be afraid to cry.  And don't be worried---You won't cry 24/7 for the rest of your life!  It seemed like that in the beginning for me, but it has turned out not to be true.  And the tears did and DO help.

Comment by LP on August 29, 2018 at 6:23am

Talking to my husband is very comforting. I do it all the time. I don’t care who thinks I’m crazy- I do whatever gets me through the day. I talk to his pictures, I talk to him as though he were standing next to me, and it helps me cope. 

Yesterday was 6 months to the day. I really hate this, but there is nothing i can do about time passing. 

Comment by Tekwriter on August 29, 2018 at 4:55am

MsWizard I don't care if anyone thinks I am crazy I talk to my husband. It helps me. When it is at its worst I talk to him and it helps.

Comment by shelley on August 27, 2018 at 12:42pm

I've been crying so hard for so many days, too exhausted to do anything else, missing John so much.  And then this morning I woke up not quite so sad.  What a roller coaster.  And I really, really really hate roller coasters.  

Comment by chef (John) on August 27, 2018 at 12:30pm

Go ahead and cry, MsWizard.

Keep reading and posting. Believe it or not, doing both will help.

Comment by Melissa on August 27, 2018 at 11:55am

MsWizard, please allow yourself to cry. You will cry hard and long and loud, and when you stop, you can rest. There are toxins in grief tears. Crying will make you feel better. In the early days after my husband's death, I'd cry so hard I'd vomit. The neighbors could hear me cry. I cried and cried and cried. I cried so much my eyelids blistered.

But when the crying stopped, I would sleep a restorative, restful, deep sleep. I felt more able to cope. Now, 10 months later, I still cry almost every day. It's a different kind of crying, though. It's not as intense; it's a gentler crying, and it doesn't last long.

Know that we are all here with you, walking beside you. You are not alone.

 

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