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Born in the 50s

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Members: 683
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Discussion Forum

I'm A Grandma!!!

Started by Susan. Last reply by Susan Nov 7. 9 Replies

in-laws of deceased husband

Started by Prissy. Last reply by vintage56(barb) Oct 12. 7 Replies

DATING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by lauriesv Oct 6. 107 Replies

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Averysmom Jul 20. 67 Replies

PETS?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Seashell Jun 21. 12 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by irishlady on October 17, 2017 at 1:57pm

Does anyone else suffer what I call "emotional blackmail". My only daughter and family live 90 minutes from me. I go to her house frequently, but she seldom comes here. It's too far, she says. Pretty sure the distance is the same either way! I go there for every birthday, every holiday....I have 3 sons with families also. Well, she invited me over for Halloween. I'm not a big Halloween person since my husband died 4 years ago AND Halloween was his birthday. she wanted me there primarily to hand out candy. when I said I didn't think I'd be up, she shut right down. I asked later is she was upset and she said NO, but immediately she posts on line..."I don't know when I will ever learn!" I KNEW that was meant for me. Well, to make a long story short, she sent me a "nasty gram"..a PM on FB. she said I never want to do anything with them,, people have told her to just stop inviting me as I always back out..not true. she said the new neighbor next to her is more of a grandmother to her youngest than I am. It went on and on attacking me. She told me how close she was with her Grandmother..my mother, and wanted that for her kids too. I explained that her grandmother lived WITH us, so of course she saw her every day and we included my Mom in everything even our trips. I said I wished her and I could have a relationship like I did with my Mom (best friends) and she said that would never happen as all I want to do is sit on my ass..she is an exercise guru. I am just feeling very low and have no siblings, no close friends and can't talk to my boys. does anyone else have these issues or is it just me. I love my daughter and she is always there for emergency things that the boys will not deal with, but on the other hand I am tired of feeling put down all the time.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on July 16, 2017 at 4:48pm

WithoutJim,

From grieving their stepfather, it sounds as if it's dawned on them that you could suddenly die, too ..

.They want to keep spending time & making memories w/you ...

That is lovely & heartwarming ...

Comment by irishlady on July 14, 2017 at 11:30am

withoutJim...Much love on this your Anniversary. I don't know what it is, but I have gone through similar things with my 4 kids. I swear my husband was the only one who held this family together. He has been gone for 4 years and I barely recognize this family anymore. My problem is my kids don't want too much of me, but not enough. I rarely see most of them, they rarely call. Grandchildren too. I feel totally forgotten some days. You would think they'd be more concerned now than before, but no. And my only daughter has chosen to move almost 2 hours away and when I told her I may look for an apartment closer to her just in case of emergency or illness on my part, it would be nice to have someone close by. Well, she told me not to hitch my wagon to her as she wants to travel In other words not be saddled with me! that was a slap in the face. wish I had answers for you, but I don't. But I sure relate. (((hugs)))

Comment by Boo on July 14, 2017 at 9:44am

WithoutJim,

So sorry to hear this.  Family dynamics change when we lose someone.  I've seen some of that already with  our two (grown) children.  Do you have a third party you can talk to about the specifics to get some ideas about how to deal with it?  (like counselor, or trusted friend)   Sounds like your Jim was a good anchor for them, and for you.    

Thinking of you this anniversary day.

B

Comment by Susan on July 3, 2017 at 10:51am

No Longer In BergenJC,

    I was listening to one of the recordings at the Drs. office... It has Paul asking the Dr if he'll live to see Christmas... The Dr. said " Of Course "... He didn't live that long. :-(  His voice hurts to listen to. It's like he's begging for more time to live.  I NEEDED to share this with someone. 

Susan

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on July 3, 2017 at 9:43am

I have no videos.  We never recorded anything except a few videos of the cats being silly.  We took scenic photos when we went on vacation, but there were few photos of the two of us because he never wanted to meet other couples where we were staying.  He hated to be photographed and so did I.  I have only two photos of him that date any later than 2007.  One of them is a photo of him sleeping on the couch after having his catheter out following his TURBT when we'd found out definitively that he had muscle-invasive bladder cancer.  I must have sensed that this was my last opportunity to take his picture looking normal.  The other is an accidental selfie -- or at least I think it was accidental.  It was taken after his cerebrovascular bypass surgery.  He'd lost most of his hair to chemo and the rest was straggly and mussed...the right side of his face was drooping, as I now noticed and hadn't for at least the previous four years.  He had a 4" incision on the side of his head.  He looks terrible in this photo -- sad and defeated and depressed and ill.  I found it accidentally on the Galaxy tablet I'd bought him to watch movies during chemo.  I was looking at the camera features and found a dozen selfies taken by a friend's adorable four-year-old -- and then that one.  It was as if he'd returned from the dead to show me why I shouldn't feel guilty about letting him go.  It is now almost four years later and I still cannot bear to look at it again.

Like you, WithoutJim, I try to focus on the gratitude for the 30 years we had, even though a lot of them weren't exactly great.  I would rather do that than focus on a past I cannot get back.

Comment by Susan on July 3, 2017 at 7:37am

To  NoLongerInBergenJC,

   I understand... Sadly understand.

Regards,

Susan

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on July 3, 2017 at 7:31am

@Susan:  I too have the recordings of medical visits on my iPad, just to hear Steve's voice.  It seems mind-boggling that a voice and a mind and what makes a person a person can be a pile of ashes in an urn on my dresser.

Comment by Susan on July 3, 2017 at 7:23am

Lizzie,

     My son also cooks & grills... He started enjoying cooking in college...  He must have gotten his love of cooking from both of us, then had taken his culinary learning further... They lived in San Francisco for about 2 years. Learned a lot there...Now my Son & Daughter In Law have moved back here last year.  They are building a home here :-)...

   I'm looking forward to my Grandson ! I'll have a lot of fun quilting & Crocheting things for him :-) 

   I'm glad I'm not the only one who TRIED " not to pay attention " to Drs. when they said negative things... When we could go to see his Drs. I would record the appointments on my Ipad. I still listen to them just so I can hear his voice.

Warmest Regards,

Susan

   

   

   

Comment by Susan on July 3, 2017 at 6:02am

WithOutJim,

     I'm sorry .... Somehow, it's EXTRA hard when the one you lose is so healthy and full of life.... Just like my late husband. Very full of love and life. At least we had almost 2 years of warning from the Drs. that the end of his life will come sooner rather than later... But I tried not to pay attention to them, UNTIL "I" noticed him going downhill. He had Glioblastoma, a very aggressive brain cancer that won't go away. It's just keeps making more tumors grow where the last one one was removed.... Anyway... I'm sorry for your loss. ( I hate those words) I always tell myself, " there must a better way to tell someone that you care of their situation." .

   Enjoy the kids you have visiting ! When October gets here, My son and Daughter In Law will be giving me my First Grandson !

Regards,

Susan

 

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