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Born in the 50s

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Members: 726
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Buying A House

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by shelley Sep 15. 10 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by bblue5 Sep 13. 6 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Athena53 Aug 28. 19 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by mahagen on August 10, 2011 at 5:40am

Like you, lanzini, I seem to be in the time to fix up things.  I had both bathrooms remodeled in April (right at the 1 year mark). 

Now I am getting bids for:

    1. a new concrete driveway

    2. trees to be trimmed

    3. landscaping

Things that should have been done over the last three years, but Mike was too sick and I was too busy. 

 

But, I can't imagine going to a dance club.  You are a brave, self confident woman.  I can go out to breakfast alone, once in a while, but not dinner!  I do go to movies alone, but would sure rather have someone with me to put his arm around me.  Maybe someday, I'll be as brave as you are, lanzini

Comment by Elle on August 9, 2011 at 7:44pm
You are one wise woman, lanzini. Love your advice and your approach! (The things we do when we are widows!!) I wish I had your openness and zeal, so wonderful. You make it sound so easy, and I think you are very unique. It sounds like you really pushed yourself to move forward in any and every way that made you feel comfortable, and you followed your heart as you cruised along in unchartered waters. Unlike you, there are those of us who get "stuck" in the sadness, aloneness, and even anger at having been left alone, finding it difficult to move forward. We need to take "lessons" from the likes of you! Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment by flamingt on August 9, 2011 at 7:07pm

At the 3-4 month period I was angry....yelling...steamed that he left me.  I would down a bottle of wine...feel better..then put on the music on loud and just dance around the house letting it all go.  Other times when with my kids and grandchildren, I would get so melancholy...being quiet and sad.  But somewhere between 5-6 months I started investing in myself.  I realized I was still young.  I realized that I was not going to be one of those "drone" widows feeling sorry for myself.  I started writing.  Then I started reading self-help books about Laws of Attraction and practicing the method of meditating - just 30 minutes a day made a big difference.

 

One time at our house, I must have thrown myself into a sweating frenzy "doing things" that we never got done.  I had professional tree surgeons come in and take down those old trees that were "blocking" our view.  Our view...can you imagine!  Then I decided to get rid of our old bedroom furniture and just bought new stuff.  The days I spent putting all of it together _ I lived so far out in the country JC Penney only delivered the boxes!  And....there was a hex driver with each part!  Imagine....he did all that stuff before..I just channeled him.  When I was through with that frenzy, I realized...Why?  It's just part of the process.  It was about a year out, I decided to just go out and buy myself dinner.  Then I thought, "well now....is this what I want?"  No.  I went to a dance club and threw myself into the middle and would dance, dance, dance.  You know what?  I still do that, and now I'm 60 lbs lighter, have new friends, enjoy music, and really feel healthy.

 

Mary....it's so much of the process.  Scream, yell, laugh (find places to laugh(, go to comedy clubs, take up laughing yoga, only watch the comedy club.....I found that the laughter was the best movement for me.  Don't feel guilty for anything what-so-ever.....there is a plan and it's all unfolding just the way it's supposed to.  Remember, when you feel sad..that's healthy...but you need to bounce yourself out of it by doing things that you feel joy about...it really is that simple.  Take care of YOURSELF.....you gave everything you got to others, now is the time for you.

Comment by puddy on August 9, 2011 at 6:33pm

@Mary99 --you continue to amaze me..you have great strength and are a mentor for all of us following in your footsteps on this journey.  I am afraid to have a "drink" at this point....Movies alone...how do you manage?  I can eat alone with no problem...the rest is making me nuts.  I need to go see my brother .. and scared to do it.  I think I need to just get the "tude" that I don't care how I feel anymore and whatever is there at the time is there.  Is the 3-4 month period the worst of this?  I know everyone is different but I read about people that are yrs out and still feeling like crap...that really worries me.  Anyone dealing with anger...I was soooo po'd yesterday... screaming, crying, swearing, hating....YIKES  too many emotions....driving..people probably thought I was nutz!     Keep doing what you are doing....((HUGS)) and take care! 

Comment by flamingt on August 9, 2011 at 5:46pm
Mary....it's amazing how resilient we can become by ourselves.  We are strong enough to remember the good events.  Little celebrations like this make us stronger and stronger.  The Big margarita and the enchiladas, AND the new dog toy exemplify our tenacious identities as "the wife".  Jealousy still continues with me when I see "our" old friends still together celebrating those milestones that I won't be able to do.  Seek it out and love it.  After all, you have so much to congratulate yourself for.  You are worth every moment that you step towards the direction of joy.  There is much more joy in your future, I'm sure of it.
Comment by Mary99 on August 9, 2011 at 5:31pm

Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary - it's the third one I've "celebrated" without him.  I went into work for half a day and then just said - "I'm outta here", no reasons, no excuses.  I went out to a movie - "Cowboys and Aliens" so nothing romantic.  Then I went shopping for a new cart to pull behind my soon-to-be-son-in-law's 4 wheeler.  No romance there either.

 

Afterwards I went to Barnes and Noble and then out to eat at a nice Mexican restaurant by myself.  I had a big margarita with my enchiladas and went home to give the dog her new dog toy. 

 

My son remembered and called, although we never mentioned the 'A' word.  It's rather a cosmic joke on me that his in-laws happened to have gotten married on the same day, only 5 years later.  I look at them and envy them the anniversaries they still have together.  

 

I'm glad the day is almost over.

Comment by shirley on August 9, 2011 at 10:20am
Where's the "LIKE" button?? I resemble that remark, Wendy pie!
Comment by Wendy pie on August 8, 2011 at 9:32pm
Hello all you old hippies!
Comment by wannabmartha on August 8, 2011 at 2:53pm

Yay Drewlady! So glad to have you on board!

Comment by Drewlady on August 8, 2011 at 2:37pm

Good evening. I just joined this  Born in the fifties group.I was widowed May 2009 after we saw our oldest graduate college, did not make it to our son's favorite waterfront restaurant for a celebration. Drew was 56. He and I seven years ago were  diagnosed with diabetes one day apart. Drew had complications he was very overweight and was compromised by two meds. One is now restricted the other was recalled after the recipe for this heart med was doubled for seven months and shipped all over.

We are in this village and and I think it takes a village to cope with our heartache. wannabmartha I am so very sorry for your double loss . Years ago Drew and I lost our middle baby  a daughter to multi organ failure at age seven months. My cousin said to me after her death and after Drew's death 'the only thing I can think of to do is pray and clean for you '! (She cleans when upset.) Extra prayers to you !!  Prayers for all of you!! So very glad you have all found our village.Let's spread the word about WV.

Lin, I am a social worker as well.I'm with a medical center. After losing Drew within 6 weeks I joined 2 groups . July 2010 I began facilitating a suburban Philadelphia chapter of Widows Wear Stilettos.September 2010 my proposal for a program for staff who have had a loss or losses and wish to participate was approved by HR.

I also began doing lots of volunteer work with my sorors and started golf and yoga lessons. And hitting the gym every day. My Drs kept saying if I didn't get my sugars under control I would be in the hospital. Stress related as I am very slender.

What ever I could  think of to do I do just that.I go to everything I'm invited to even if I have to push myself. I put together a dinner group and a theatre group. Every six weeks some from every group go to dinner. Quarterly a bunch of us see a play. Often widowed staff from work join us. Four of us in my area became widows within six weeks.

It helps having something to look forward to.

                                                                  Take good care of yourselves!

 

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