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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Comment by Marsha on January 15, 2012 at 7:41pm

(((((Nevi))))) Eventually there will be good days. Takes time and baby steps. This is the hardest journey any of us have ever had to travel. Thank God we have found each other at WV. Everyone here understands. Praying you find some peace today.

Comment by Nevi on January 15, 2012 at 7:37pm

Hello, my new friends in grief.  Thank you so much for the positive support.  It is so hard to explain to others how you are feeling and what you are going thru. I try to seem okay on the outside, but on the inside I am a constant mess.  Sometimes i miss him so badly I get physically ill. I miss his amazing, strong voice, his gentle touch, his being able to know what I am going to say before I do, I miss feeling loved and being in love.  I miss conversations about nothing we had all the time.  The laughter, the feeling I got just when he walked in the room.  Thanks for letting me vent, it hasn't been a good day. Will there ever be one?

Comment by pattie112108 on January 15, 2012 at 2:01pm

The recent comments posted have given me some sense of reason for what I made a decision to due.  After my husband passed away in November of 08, my company suggested that maybe I might want to travel for them.  I said no at the time thinking that it might seem that I was running away from David.  It took me almost three years to make the decision to start traveling.  I used to travel all the time by myself before I met David.  I have been traveling since June of last year.  Most recently I have been in Rhode Island since July, going home a few times.  It has been difficult being alone, but I have met a lot of new friends who do not really know what I have gone through and thoughs who do have been really supportive.  It doesn't make me feel that I am running away anymore, but moving on and I never thought that I would be able to do that.  I still miss my husband every day and wish he was with me, but I now feel that I am getting a little bit stronger every day.  You will get your strenght from your faith and you family, let them help you to see tomorrow it is out there.

Comment by Lisa on January 15, 2012 at 7:02am

I found this poem by Rumi that I would like to share with you all.  It has been three years for me and it's tough each day in it's own way.

poet Rumi
Don't run away from grief , o soul
Look for the remedy inside the pain.
because the rose came from the thorn
and the ruby came from a stone.

Comment by freddieb on January 14, 2012 at 6:51pm

Welcome, Nevi.  I'm sorry for your loss.  I am glad you found this website because there are a lot of us here (unfortunately) that identify with how you feel right now.  Some may be just where you are and some of us may be a little farther out, but we still feel our spouses with us everyday and it is hard to go on without them, but we must.  It's been 3 years for me.  Walter passed from congestive heart failure, but I think his heart just couldn't take all the other illnesses he suffered with for so long - the main one being end stage kidney failure and vascular disease, which the doctors told me was just as devastating to the body as cancer, and he was right. Walter died on Jan 6, 2009 and on that July 30th for his birthday, I traveled to Washington DC alone for the first time ever.  It was a kind of pilgrimage for me because it was a trip that two of us wanted to take, but didn't get the chance.  And, I just couldn't sit around crying my eyes out at home on his birthday.  I needed something to do, so I planned the trip.  It gave me something to look forward to.  I needed to get away and it helped me because I could cry as much as I wanted to, but also being in a different place with no one around who knew me and many new sights to see (for Walter, since he couldn't be there) - it helped me.  I'm really glad I did that.  It was scary, but I needed to know that I could do this on my own.  Take care of yourself and take things a moment at a time and yes, there will be better days ahead. 

Comment by junebug132 on January 14, 2012 at 5:25pm

Travel by yourself can be alittle scarey at first.I traveled by myself alot before my husband passed away.He was a truck driver so if I wanted to visit grandkids then I had to do it.Take that first step and just be smart about strangers.It can be very relaxing.If you have a friend take them the first time,so you can get the feel for it.As sad as it is,life for us continues.We have no choice but to move on and make life the best we can.I know in my heart that is what our loved ones would want.I like to think my husband is with me every step of the way.I hold on to that in my heart.Sorry for why you're here Nevi,but glad you found this site.I hope it helps.

Comment by shirley on January 14, 2012 at 12:08pm

Nevi, Welcome although I'm sorry for the circumstances. I can't offer much but to say take things as they feel right, and for awhile nothing will feel right. I lot my husband in April 2009 and it feels as if I have a long ways to go. Each step we take is a step forward whether we can see that or not. Feel free to open up and chat anytime. It's safe and we all understand.

Comment by flamingt on January 14, 2012 at 10:41am

Nevi....I was married for almost 36 years...and we did a lot...and did some travel.  That first step to doing things by yourself, and celebrating it, will move you into the future immediately.  The first step...go out and enjoy lunch by yourself - or go to a movie by yourself.  The second step, find a group of people (or women) who love to travel.  Make new friends.  I found that all of my old friends (still married and with their spouses) I did not feel comfortable with anymore.  They made me feel a loss.  It brought up old memories of what I did as a couple.  It made me envious that I wanted my husband back.

Once I found a group of ladies around my age (I'm now 60, but widowed at 56) that loved to travel, I found a new outlet and an opportunity to grow.

Interesting...now I'm looking at Recreational Vehicles and dreaming of hitting the road for a while!  So...it can be done.  Step by step, you will be amazed at what you can do.  Important...take care of yourself and do the things that you have wanted to do.  If you don't, you will hold yourself back regretting not doing them.  Step out, take the leap!

Comment by flamingt on January 14, 2012 at 10:01am

This site is what we all need in times of doubt and concern.  We each have a path to follow after the deaths of our loved ones.  That path maybe unknown or clearly unveiled when we sit back and observe.  I hope each and everyone of you can practice the art of observing with detachment on what is being presented to you as opportunity to grow and learn to love again.

It's really easy to get emotional and feel the loss.  We are conditioned to that through our religion, or our relatives expectations on what a widow should be.  The empty space where we feel the loss is presented to us all the time.  But when we start to fill in that space with love and memories with those who are currently around us, I find it easier to smile and be more loving - especially to myself!  It's healing, but then other times, without a moments notice we are brought right back into loss.  It gets easier each day.

By writing, it has helped me through this reality.  Hopefully, by you reading, it will help you.  We are all courageous in this path, and it makes us stronger.

Comment by Letha on January 14, 2012 at 9:58am

Hi Nevi. Lately I find myself looking forward to the future..but more so in terms of 'this summer' or 'next year' than tomorrow. I keep thinking of all the things I could do in the future..just not sure I will ever take the steps to actually do them. It's hard being 58 and suddenly on my own. I love to travel, but can't imagine hopping in my SUV and taking off alone somewhere out of state. Maybe some day...

 

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